Author: Karen

My Sunshine

 

Being a grandmother is something I have looked forward to since my kids grew into adults.  I have missed the baby stage and all those in between.. with the exception of the moody teenager who knows everything everywhere all at once, with attitude.  Our grandson was born six weeks early and spent two weeks in the NICU just to be certain he was strong enough to come home with his parents.  He was and he is thriving, having had his first pediatric check up yesterday with a glowing report.  He is my little sunshine and I am so very proud of the mother my daughter became instantly.   I love that my own mother gets the chance to be a great grandmother, too.

My daugher-in-law is due with  baby girl in May, stay tuned!  She sent me a picture she found of a beautiful easy-to-make spring centerpiece and I absolutely love it.  So easy to throw together, too…. use a clear vase – almost any shape will do… a bunch of carrots with the greens still attached, a handful of tulips… put the carrots in the vase with greens sticking out of the top, place tulips in the center of the greens, and fill with water 🥕 🌹

The above is mine, and below is my neighbor’s 🐇 – love the purple tulips!

With the warmer weather I’m more inclined to get out for walks/hikes and get those recommended 10,000 daily  steps in.   That’s harder than it would seem, but I have been managing to come close and if I take an extended hike/walk I surpass it.  Of course, I’m using my phone health app to monitor and I don’t wear my phone on my person at all times, so it’s possible I’m getting quite a bit more in than what’s recorded.  A recent physical indicated elevated cholesterol, which runs in my family, but a subsequent scan of arteries reveals no disease  and I really really want to stay away from statins so I’m tweaking my diet (plenty of room to improve!) and sticking to a decent exercise routine.  Can you believe I still haven’t lost the 25 pounds I’d like to lose? Oh, it comes off in little bits and then jumps right back up to that yucky number.  I’m not giving up though… for me, it’s what I’m putting in my mouth, not a lack of working out.  Ask me how much I love food though!  It’s my drug of choice and I like to cook and bake for others, which kinda sucks when there’s a weight loss goal to be achieved.

Bob’s Pond  and Hammonasset River Trail with my trail buddy, Kai.  Yesterday was a beautiful spring day, so we took advantage of the inspiration and explored land trust trails.

 

The sight and sound of the roiling river was music to my soul.  As a hearing impaired person, to be able to still hear this force of water is a gift 🙂

I could talk about the horror of the newest school shooting and that hideous fact that death by fire arms is now the leading cause of death for children in this country, but I am so weary and so disgusted by the lack of any action by the powers that be… and for all the wrong reasons… but I’ll leave it here with my mother’s words below…

*Thoughts and Prayers*
Let’s send thoughts and prayers again.
It worked the last time
and the time before that and the one before that.
It did work, it must have
because we haven’t done much of anything else!
Thoughts and prayers because it can’t be guns.
The NRA says it’s not and they would know
and tell us the truth.
They don’t benefit from a flush gun industry.
Do they?
Thoughts and prayers because….
the Second Amendment says that’s all that’s allowed
according to the NRA and many legislators.
Besides guns don’t kill people, people kill people.
People kill children.
People kill children with guns.
We can put flowers outside the schools, the churches,
the synagogues, the mosques, the supermarkets.
That’s allowed,
Along with the thoughts and prayers, of course.
Just not sensible gun laws.
Meaningful legislation is not necessary.
It will upset the NRA, the Gun Lobby, the Insurrectionists,
the White Supremacists.
Limited magazines not necessary, background checks at gun shows
not necessary!
So, here we are, left with thoughts and prayers
And flowers.
Always the flowers and the candles, against the fences.
As for more mass shootings
Well, tomorrow’s another day.
Mourning in America!
I’m not a religious person but I find myself praying for us all .. often.   I hope all is well in your neck of the woods, thank you for  taking the time to stop in here, your comments and thoughts are always appreciated .

 

Sometimes you just can’t look away from the train wreck

I have been trying to ignore all the political bullshit for my own sanity and I don’t have a “side” or a leaning- except toward rational , common sense, humane and better together mentality. ( for those of you who call me a liberal and as if it’s a dirty word, well if those qualities listed above are a dirty word to you, you’re the damaged one) I vote accordingly, sometimes R, sometimes D but I believe the party system is now failing us big time. But what I am truly saddened by, what is most alarming to me is the mentality of the new Republican Party. Dear friends who are lifelong republicans are expressing the same dismay and some have actually changed to independents. So many hypocrisies. Remember the Incessant Lock her up , Lock him up… but if it’s their guy, no fair going after political opponents, it’s unAmerican. In a time when we are still swamped with healthcare crisis, mental health crisis, poverty, homelessness, how many school shootings and mass shootings is it now per year in this country, crumbling infrastructure, border and immigration issues, the fallout from a pandemic, the list goes on…. R s are focusing on book banning, period regulating, banning people who like to dress up in drag( been happening since the Dawn of time, folks) uterus regulating ( do you think that would ever ever ever happen with a man’s genitals?) and even when it is proven by their own words!! News outlets Exposed! That they knew they lied about big things and they didn’t even like the entity they were promoting and lifting – there are no consequences. Zip. Business as usual.
What. The. fuck.
And all the while, we the people continue our infighting and the great divide widens and I do not understand how every single one of us doesn’t understand that will be our end. Divided we will fall- all because some powerful talking heads twisted our truths and some of us, enough of us.. fell for it.
If you think China and Russia aren’t watching with utter glee our unraveling, well what more to be said…. That.
I literally pray that we the people, all of us, remember why we came together in the first place and what truly made us great, and find a better way than what we are currently electing. Otherwise, we are so very very fucked.

Just Call Me GRAM ! ❤

My first born had her first born on Saturday!! We are over the moon in love with our precious grandson.  He was in a hurry, apparently, so he is six weeks early. However, and Amen… he is healthy and doing great!   So is his mother, whom I am so very proud of ❤

 

    There’s something about being in a hospital that gives you such a diverse slice of humanity. So many stories passing by- the joyous, the tragic, the troubled, and everything in between. The highly educated and skilled and affluent, the poor and struggling, the healthy and the unwell, the families, the elderly, the living and the dying. Those who love their jobs no matter how demanding and draining and fraught with difficulty, both emotional and physical , and those who begrudgingly get through their shift.
I can of course only speak from my own experiences and being so hard of hearing, I pay much more attention to those around me than I suppose the average person might. What I notice are the wealthiest among us are not for certain those walking around with Gucci bags and a stellar wardrobe and a fine education and important meetings and places to be. It’s not even the healthiest among us, although that’s a treasure one should value above all … Nope. It’s the people who have enough love within that they freely shine it on others regardless of their circumstances, in the warm greetings and casual smiles in passing, the little courtesies, the big ones, the sharing of stories and commiseration , the compassion shown to strangers, the nurses and healthcare staff who are exhausted, who have seen so much heartbreak, but still show up and shine their light and do the hard things, and do them with kindness. It’s the people who embrace without effort the notion that we are all in this together , that truly get the most out of life. They have what matters most.
Till soon –

Wonder Women

To all of you out there, cheers to women everywhere. We are life makers, life savers, love makers, career builders, home makers, soul mates, worry warriors, the sounding board, the bulletin board, the safe place, the calm in the storm.. the storm itself when need be…the soft landing, the tough love, the easy love …the Love. And we each know how damn hard that can be at times. But we do it anyway, even when our own reserves are depleted, we find it. Cheers to you, to me.. to all of us ❤

The Happening You Must Focus On

 

 

     It is easy to mourn the lives we aren’t living. Easy to wish we’d developed other talents, said yes to different offers. Easy to wish we’d worked harder, loved better, handled our finances more astutely, been more popular, stayed in the band, gone to Australia, said yes to the coffee or done more bloody yoga.
     It takes no effort to miss the friends we didn’t make and the work we didn’t do and the people we didn’t marry and the children we didn’t have. It is not difficult to see yourself through the lens of other people, and to wish you were all the different kaleidoscopic versions of you they wanted you to be. It is easy to regret, and keep regretting, ad infinitum, until our time runs out.
     But it is not the lives we regret not living that are the real problem. It is the regret itself. It’s the regret that makes us shrivel and wither and feel like our own and other people’s worst enemy.
     We can’t tell if any of those other versions would have been better or worse.      Those lives are happening, it is true, but you are happening as well, and that is the happening we have to focus on. ~Matt Haig
(Book: The Midnight Library) 
    I love that passage so much!  I also read the book, and while it wasn’t one of my favorite reads, it’s a good one… and that group of text above? Spot on.  Who among us hasn’t dreamed another dream, had a few regrets, wasted too much time on what isn’t.  And we all know, life is short and too precious for such nonsense.  I am a firm believer in making the best of every day, even when I catch myself doing anything but.  Then I readjust the sails.
     The new barn has been a Godsend here on the farm. Both of our girlies are very pregnant and I’ve taken over all barn chores again, which means a lot of water buckets and hay bales and stall mucking etc. etc.   With the yoga and stretching/meditation I’ve taken up, my body is faring better than I had expected. 40 plus years of all that work  has left me with some arthritis and worn parts, blah blah. But it’s also made me a strong work horse and I’m grateful to  still be able to do it. And I love those animals so.  They are my heart and my peace and my salvation often.  We got our first real snow of the winter on march 1st.  In New England, that’s just strange. But it’s made all that work easier on this older girl.
      I have always felt the sky is like  a painting we live under, it’s landscape always changing, and all we ever need to do is look up to see the mood of the moment, the beauty of nature, the temperament of the weather gods.  Who hasn’t marveled at a full moon rising, the night stars on a cloudless night, the rolling roiling storm clouds coming across the horizon or the gorgeous colors of a beautiful sunrise-sunset.  On the hill and fields of this farm we have what I call big sky country, a big patch of blue  with  many glorious sunrises and sunsets.
  I made a few more recipes from The Lost Kitchen files…
New England baked beans and brown bread –  first time I ever bought a slab of salt pork, had to ask the butcher where to find it at the store.
 And Waldorf Salad – with apples, celery, Fennel, arugula, lemon juice and zest,  candied walnuts, mayo, salt & pepper… SOOO GOOD!
     The Mr. turned 59!  We had a lovely family dinner at one of our favorite restaurants near our Stella by the Sea.  Our mothers are still with us and we are so grateful they are here to meet their first great grands.
 Cheers to many more years!
 I completed the Woodstock, VT  Middle bridge painting, whose true angles are a bit skewed in any photo taken, so this was a real challenge and it’s far from perfection, but I’m glad I attempted it.  The bridge for me  represents many happy family memories there  and hopefully more to come.  The lighted star up on the hill is the first thing I look for when we drive into town.
   Had a physical this week, and it’s clear I need to get serious about cleaning up my diet.  Cholesterol numbers less than stellar, weight – about 25 pounds overweight.  Bleh.  I get plenty of exercise, so… as the doctor has often said… it’s what you put in your mouth.   Each new day is a chance to get it right.. right? I’m making a concerted effort to improve those numbers.  Being a food loving person and one who likes to cook and bake for others, it ain’t easy.
      I hope all is well in your neck of the woods – till soon 🌹

Mild Winter Days and the Lost Kitchen

 

Hello from Leo and I… Leo is my son’s “first son”….  in this photo he’s doing his typical thing when I go visit him at lunchtime on occasion – I have to coax him out to pee and have a snack, and then he takes up his vigil in the big chair once again looking out over the driveway because *WheresMyDAD*.   The rest of us are just furniture.

Their cat, Lily… well she could be described as a honey badger… if you know, you know.

Yesterday was T-shirt weather here in New England. Crazy for February!  However, with my girlchild very  pregnant with her first child and my taking back over most of the barn responsibilities .. I am so very grateful for the reprieve.  It makes barn chores so much easier.  So many of the mornings have been glorious!

Bella and Star approve of the fine weather.. and they love their new living quarters in the new barn and barnyard.  They’ve got more room to roam and run up and down the front hill, leaping with joy. I love to see it.

Our old man, Max-a-million is doing very well, we’ve been able to manage the glaucoma in his left eye with meds.  After a long show career and service to many people, this is the retirement every horse should get but seldom do.  I am grateful to be able to grant it to him.

Our recently adopted blind mini, Molly is my most favorite horse… she is just amazing with her navigation skills.  Our other mini Lacey tolerates her, and that’s about it.  At least she doesn’t abuse her, which was the case in her previous home.

Beautiful Leah graces us each day with her company.  A very good minded horse, she will always have a home with us, as she is wonderful to ride, will be great for the grandchildren to learn to ride on  someday and while she was bred to show and it’s true she’s a bit fancy for a “home horse”,  we know she much prefers this life to the grueling show life.

Have you been watching The Lost Kitchen (HBO MAX) … with reknown chef Erin French?  I love that show… what a resilient person. Her food is phenomenal and creative, her story remarkable.  I treated myself to her cookbook and her memoir – Finding Freedom.. and The Lost Kitchen cookbook.   SO far I’ve made her fried chicken with perfect potato salad and blueberry sweet and sour sauce,   and her pear cake.  Both are out of this world delicious and not hard to make.   If you’re a foody or just like a great true story of redemption and triumph,  I highly recommend these two books, and I’m not being paid to say it.  Even the photography is gorgeous. You might come to love Maine and its salt of the earth people, too. I already do.

Have you ever cooked with a cast iron pan?  Man, what I have been missing! I was intimidated by the “seasoning” of the thing and the first one I bought many years ago rusted because I washed it like any regular pan.  This time I’m doing it right and you really can’t beat the results.

     I hope all is well in your neck of the woods – Wishing you love and light this Valentines Day – Not everyone has a Romeo in their lives, if you do.. you are very lucky indeed.  There are so many ways to celebrate love.. and most especially for yourself!  Treat yourself in the ways you find comfort, indulge in the good chocolate, make  (or buy!) that chocolate cake.  Buy the fancy dreamy creamy soaps, splurge to frame that painting.  Buy the flowers,  and know this from the bottom of your blessed heart…

you are loved and loavable❤

 

Till soon, friends –

 

 

a Quilt of a post

Well let’s start with an actual quilt! Through blogland I have met some wonderful people, some of whom I consider dear friends.  I have been collecting my son’s old t-shirts from childhood with the intent of having a T-shirt quilt made for him. Finding someone to do it proved difficult.. and then it dawned on me I have a very talented friend who does all sorts of creative things including sewing but mostly weaving beautiful towels, rugs, shawls, etc. for many years.  So I asked Hilary over at Crazy As A Loom if she’d be willing to give this project a go, and boy did she ever! It came out better than I expected, my son loves it too. She said it’s her first T-shirt quilt, and her last, LOL.  As I suspected, it’s a mighty pain in the a&& to make, but I am so grateful she was willing.  My son and daughter in law are  expecting their first child in May and one day this will be an heirloom for generations to come. It’s so warm and cozy.

Not sure if it’s the strange weather, a too warm and then frigid cold  winter we’ve had here in New England… this fibromyalgia body has been in flare.  When that happens I’m tempted to get lazy and slow down but with all the barn chores that’s not really possible and I do find if I keep moving I’m better off.  I walk often and hike occasionally – this weekend we went over to the Scout Camp at Deer Lake and hiked to Fat Man Squeeze.  I’m glad I still fit!   When I adopted Kai he was a timid soul, so much so that on these hikes he would be afraid to go over big logs, afraid to climb rock  and ledge, afraid to go into caves or up the very narrow squeeze.  With the trust we’ve built over the past two years, while he’s still timid, he has come a long way and easily goes where I go without freezing, without me having to carry him up and over as we did initially.  It’s a beautiful thing.  Truly he is the best walking/hiking companion I’ve ever had.

I’m not a bendy person, so certain forms of Yoga make me look like the walking dead…..but yoga is really good for this fibromyalgia body and years ago I found a DVD set and used it for a long time and it really helped. It was great for beginner or low level yoga people like me. We got a new Tv  system and no longer had DVD player and I just stopped, which was dumb. I’m thrilled to say I just found the exact series on Amazon prime $15 purchase and I can do it right in my office while it streams on my screen or on my flat screen tv in the family room via prime video. If this sounds like you to some degree- I highly recommend the Kate Potter series, seasons 1 and 2 in particular. It’s Calming, fun, enough of a work out that you accomplished something, and helps you stay limber, strengthens your core and overall body.

I’ve also carved a little time out for painting… the bridge picture is coming along… still much to do but I’m happy with it’s progress…

The following made me laugh out loud, and anything that does that is worthy of sharing…

Reading a good book right now, that gives a different perspective on the fallout and a different kind of  victim of the Holocaust.. another dimension, another layer I had never given thought to before, and I have mixed feelings about it as well.   I recommend it if you’re a reader – very well written

  I hope all is well in your neck of the woods…  Thank you for stopping by

Till soon!

I’m just trying to get home

It is almost unfathomable that all five men, officers, who beat Tyre Nichols to death participated in such a disgusting, hideous, inhumane act. All five of them .. on one unarmed man. Spraying, tasing, Kicking him in the head! Repeatedly. So far, it appears there was no justification for the traffic stop. Is there really any wonder he ran for his life? His last words were Momma… momma, momma… who’s house was 100 yards away. Every mother was called right then.
When I heard about this I admittedly assumed these officers would be white… because we have heard that narrative before, haven’t we. Shockingly, they were all black. Which makes this even more heartbreaking if that’s even possible .
So many things wrong here. Why such murderous violence, of course… why is skin color ever a part of the equation and yet it’s one of the first assumptions we make when we hear a story like this, am I right? Many layers too- violence and crime numbers are up, we idolize and elect politicians who promote violence, we sell video games that promote violence, we can’t even pass sensible gun laws in this country ( for the 1,oooth time, no one is looking to take away the guns of law abiding citizens). How many mass shootings in the US in the past week alone? We don’t address poverty or mental illness effectively.
Another layer- the distrust and distain these hideous events cause for all the law enforcement out there who put their own lives in jeopardy every day and with the best of intentions and sometimes put in the worst of situations to protect us all. Having two members of our family serving or served as police officers, the danger they and their families live with, the crap they have to put up with and many do with integrity and good will and tremendous courage and grit , it’s also amazing anyone is still willing to put themselves in that position.
And how it’s lost on anyone that violence and damage and looting to protest violence is just one wrong after another and feeds the flame and the stigma .. is beyond me. It’s no solution, it’s simply an excuse for more of the same. But when you feel you are repeatedly unheard, what are your options? More layers.
I hesitated to post about this because what does my two cents really matter, but Jesus, just ignoring something so awful feels really wrong.

Merry Happy

So many people going through so much stuff, life is definitely not a cake walk for just about anyone… don’t judge the book by it’s cover and all that.  The holidays can exasperate whatever is troubling, so my wish for anyone still reading my drivel  here is that you are finding some joy and peace of mind this holiday season.

 

I am a sentimental fool,   and while that trait brings along with it some pain,  it’s worth it to have the heart.  I have traditions in this old house and the ones before it… some recipes from ancestors long gone, traditions I’ve kept with my kids from the time they were little…decorations reminiscent of my grandmother’s home, ornaments my mother had on our childhood tree.   My favorite collection, though, are the people around the table.  As life rolls along, we lose some of our loved ones, and we gain new members. The circle of life.

I love my mom’s holiday spirit! Her mother, my Nana… used to do the same.. she decorated ALL THE THINGS..  even including little red bows on picture frames ….

Christmas Punch!

The barn renovation is complete – and all horses, goats and chickens are moved in.  For this aging body, having done barn chores for the bast 40 plus years, it is a beautiful thing to have it all consolidated into one building. When we moved to This Old House from our previous farm, I thought I was winding down my farm animal operations and focusing on other things.  But… my daughter continued her interest in showing (we’re done with that) and I found chicken keeping entertaining and fruitful!… and then .. well, goats.  The small outbuildings we brought in for them worked… but going from one to the other especially in storms or winter weather was more work.  We converted our three stall row shed type horse barn to a full center aisle barn with chicken coop/goat stall/ horse stalls all in one building and with this past few days 19 degree temps and freezing water, etc., it’s been a welcome improvement during chores.

Both my daughter and my daughter in law are expecting babies in the Spring, we are over the moon excited to welcome baby Jonathan and Baby Mia to our family.  I’ve tried on all the common grandmother names… Gigi, Mimi, Nana, Nanny, grandma, Nonni, Nonna, loli, Lolly, and  I’ve decided I am really just a Gram.  If I had my way, everyone and anyone would just call me Karen or Mom, but not everyone is comfortable with that, so be it.  (not the new and bastardized politicized meaning for Karen, by the way.  Ugh, that is disappointing).

If you’re so inclined, tell me what’s new in your neck of the woods, what brings you joy these days, any traditions you care to share – leaving a few things below that bring me inspiration… wishing you all good things in the coming year, and THANK YOU for stopping in –

                   

 

Till soon –

 

We Shall Be Free

 

As these elections come and go I find I am at a loss for words that adequately describe my heartbreak for the state of the world and this country that I love. And as I see politicians who continuously sow seeds of division and hate and people/media/politicans continue to spread false information with the intention to divide and conquer… I don’t know how it’s lost on anyone this very simple but very real truth….. united we stand, divided we will eventually fall.  We are falling.  We need leaders who are focused on bringing us all together regardless of our affiliations, for that is where we become strong…… leaders who believe in democracy at it’s best, leaders who truly care about all of us, not just those who bow to them or line their pockets. We need leaders who care about the earth because we are fucking it up royally and that’s not a bottomless pit, we need leaders who’s egos don’t get in the way of the job they’re supposed to do… for all of us, not just their rally crowds. I don’t like most of my choices for voting, I wish we did better across the whole political spectrum. And I sure as hell don’t have the answer – but I will not lose any more of my precious time fretting over something I have no control over other than my vote. I will continue to try to leave things better than I found them, help those I can, and although I’m not religious, this country and it’s people are gonna need every prayer we’ve got, because all I see is more ugly coming down the pike, and too many people looking the other way to support it for whatever their reasons. Unfathomable, and yet here we are.

I wrote this a week or so ago, just before the most recent elections….. and what I see now  is HOPE.   A LIGHT beaming out over the dysfunction.  I still believe a mix of both Democratic and Republican policy make for a strong Democracy if the two parties can work together for the common good.  There in lies the rub!  There has always been friction,  and some corruption all over the spectrum, but never the divisive vicious manipulating  anything goes and anything is accepted crap  we have seen ushered in with the MAGA mentality.  It’s as if someone threw gas on and lit and aimed a blowtorch at the worst our society has to offer.

…. So.. that light?    This election was not a red wave, as the media predicted.  A ripple at best.  And some of the MAGA crowd vying for power was sent a clear message – we are tired of the hate, of the rage politics, we want function, not dysfunction.

Trying to distance myself from the muck of the political landscape… I’ve been sitting at the easel again and just finished this little painting, which I truly love.  For me it represents simpler times, and a childhood joy I still cherish… those little glass orbs, tiny little worlds in a glass jar on a sunny windowsill. PS: I don’t know why the weird lines appear in this painting’s image here, at least on my computer screen.  It’s not in the uploaded image of the painting.

As I sat up there on election day  in my son’s old bedroom which is now my “art studio” … I had Amazon music playing and my old buddy Garth came up  – how profound is this…. ( yep, I’m still hearing impaired, but I remember my favorites and all their nuances… and I can still hear the base rhythm… so believe it or not, I can still sing – horribly!!)   Garth Brooks is one of my very favorites… and this song ranks up there in my top 10 of all time.

 

We Shall Be Free

This ain’t comin’ from no prophet,
Just an ordinary man.
When I close my eyes,
I see the way this world shall be
When we all walk hand in hand.
When the last child cries for a crust of bread,
When the last man dies for just words that he said,
When there’s shelter over the poorest head,
We shall be free.
When the last thing we notice is the color of the skin,
And the first thing we look for is the beauty within;
When the skies and the oceans are clean again,
Then we shall be free.
We shall be free, we shall be free.
Stand straight, walk proud,
‘Cause we shall be free.
When we’re free to love anyone we choose,
When this world’s big enough for all different views,
When we all can worship from our own kind of pew,
Then we shall be free.
We shall be free, we shall be free
Have a little faith, hold out,
‘Cause we shall be free.
And when money talks for the very last time,
And nobody walks a step behind;
When there’s only one race,
And that’s mankind, then we shall be free.
We shall be free ,we shall be free
Stand straight, (walk proud, )
Have a little faith, (hold out;)
We shall be free.
We shall be free, we shall be free,
(Stand straight, ) stand straight,
(Have a little faith, ) walk proud,
‘Cause we shall be free.

 

Till soon, Friends…