Category: Be the Light

Hope Floats

I’d like to see a bit more of this world before I leave it, and I still hope to do a little of that… but I have to be realistic in that I married a man who has a hard time being comfortable outside of his well trodden box. In recent years to help ease my wander lust I’ve taken to hiking the trails that are in abundance around our state, amazed at how many there are for the public to enjoy. The diversity of the geography of  Connecticut as a state gives me a lot of options and it’s a great way for me to get exercise, too .   I’m not a gym rat, I just don’t enjoy spending a lot of time in one place running or walking to nowhere. But when out in the woods or along the beaches, there’s always something to marvel at, to discover, to appreciate.  And nature brings me peace.

When checking out a new trail system in Essex, CT I discovered a little free library at the trail head.  I browsed the books and found a gem to take home – Following Atticus, by Tom Ryan.  If you’re a nature lover, a dog lover, a lover of old souls however complex… I highly recommend his two current books and especially subscribing to his blog or “substack”  a new term to me.  He’s currently on a five month hiking journey driving across country with his two rescue dogs, which has become an annual trek. His photography is just beautiful… He describes his journey, the landscapes, the people he meets along the way, with kindness and an honesty that is so needed.

An excerpt from Tom’s post this morning…. and if you’re not familiar with E.B. White.. he gave us Charlotte’s Web, Stuart Little and many other stories….

_______________________________________________________

……..In 1973, White received a letter from a man who had lost his faith in humanity. Many of you have undoubtedly read White’s response, but for those who have not, here it is.

North Brooklin, Maine,
30 March 1973

Dear Mr. Nadeau:

As long as there is one upright man, as long as there is one compassionate woman, the contagion may spread and the scene is not desolate. Hope is the thing that is left to us, in a bad time. I shall get up Sunday morning and wind the clock, as a contribution to order and steadfastness.

Sailors have an expression about the weather: they say, the weather is a great bluffer. I guess the same is true of our human society — things can look dark, then a break shows in the clouds, and all is changed, sometimes rather suddenly. It is quite obvious that the human race has made a queer mess of life on this planet. But as a people we probably harbor seeds of goodness that have lain for a long time waiting to sprout when the conditions are right. Man’s curiosity, his relentlessness, his inventiveness, his ingenuity have led him into deep trouble. We can only hope that these same traits will enable him to claw his way out.

Hang on to your hat. Hang on to your hope. And wind the clock, for tomorrow is another day.

Sincerely,
E. B. White

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If you’re so inclined… his two books are Following Atticus, and Will’s Red Coat.   If you would like to check out his Blog/Substack…  it can be found here.  I highly recommend a subscription.  The visuals of his travels alone are so beautiful.

https://tomryan.substack.com/

    So I’m looking at the start of a new decade and with this one in particular, the aging process really kicks in physically and mentally. There’s no question I have let myself latch on to some excuses and some fears when it comes to pushing physical boundaries to reach better fitness- I’ve let the pains that come with living an active life slow me down and I got lazy too. My number one goal is to stay relatively healthy and active till the day I die, like most of us, I suppose. I’ve contemplated many things that go hand in hand with that goal, but no. 1 for me now is to stop letting fear ( will I make my arthritic neck and hands worse?) and complacency stall me. At this point most of us have some issues- mine is some arthritis from all the years of horse and barn work, significant hearing impairment and the stress that comes with it, and the pain associated with “ fibromyalgia” , whatever that really means. Also, My stress reliever is making and eating food. Not always the healthy kind. My face is puffy, I’ve got a menopause gut, and I could lose 25 pounds and not be too thin. It’s time to stop complaining, stop fearing age and hold myself accountable. My hope is to come back with another picture that shows progress in a few months and a better path to healthier aging. Some simple changes I’ve made in recent months are increasing my hikes and walks, drinking more water and eating and preparing more healthy meals- greens, berries, nuts, fish in more abundance. Less meat, much less processed foods. Now I’m coming back to the gym just for 20 minutes of  light weight training about four times a week.
  Till soon, friends…

 

The Atheist

I love this so much.

A rabbi was asked by one of his students “Why did God create atheists?” After a long pause, the rabbi finally responded with a soft but sincere voice. “God created atheists” he said, “to teach us the most important lesson of them all – the lesson of true compassion. You see, when an atheist performs an act of charity, visits someone who is sick, helps someone in need, and cares for the world, he is not doing so because of some religious teaching. He does not believe that God commanded him to perform this act. In fact, he does not believe in God at all, so his actions are based on his sense of morality. Look at the kindness he bestows on others simply because he feels it to be right. When someone reaches out to you for help. You should never say ‘I’ll pray that God will help you.’ Instead, for that moment, you should become an atheist – imagine there is no God who could help, and say ‘I will help you’.”    — Martin Buber, “Tales of the Hasidim”

 

59

Well, shit.

This is the weekend of my 59th birthday, and while I certainly feel it, I’m also so grateful I’m still here with a body still willing to carry me on ahead for a great while longer… that is my ultimate hope, anyway.  I have vowed to take better care of this vehicle, and while I haven’t abused her horribly, there’s room for tweaks and there to  I shall go.

Yesterday my faithful dog, Kai and I took a 3 mile hike through some very pretty trails, an easy trek with no scrambles through Pine forest and supply pond with swans and turtles and even a skunk making an appearance. No photo of that particular encounter.  The weather was gorgeous and there were others out there enjoying it too. I love those days when it’s obvious everyone is in a better mood, spirits are lifted, faces to the sun 🌞

Later in the day, the Mr. and I had a  late lunch/dinner at a friend’s restaurant on the water,  I chose a healthy meal of fish tacos and then threw it under the bus with a chocolate orange martini.      It is what it is.

Tonight the family gathered  around our dining room table for a celebratory dinner, and it is these moments I am always most grateful for.

And may I say… this grandmother chapter of my life… and I have had several friends concur regarding theirs too… is truly the best chapter in some ways, just truly such a joy💗 .

Saw this next image on Facebook and honestly… do I have to say anything at all here?    Well maybe just… ugh, ugh ugh ugh ugh.  I’ll continue to pray for us all.

Some spring inspiration for this St. Patricks Day….

Till soon –

 

 

Two steps forward

9 days after surgery and I am feeling so much better.  The healing is going well and I feel human again.  This came across my facebook feed this morning and I think it’s one of those vital thought processes if you’re dealt   something hard –  And aren’t we all at one point or another, in this one precious  life we are given.

Not a day goes by that I am not grateful for the close proximity we have  to our family – with both kids and their spouses and children in their own homes here on the farm and our mothers still alive and living just up the road a bit, these are gifts I don’t take for granted.

Watching the news, sometimes it feels so hopeless and helpless, being witness to all the problems and the rages and the total dysfunction of our governing bodies. That sink hole keeps getting bigger, the divide wider, and for sure I do not have the answers.   Not being able to trust the information sources, talk about erosion!    So…. more and more, I tune it out.   Which also feels irresponsible.  But I have found, when you are helpful in your own circle of life, within your community, your family, friends, your areas of interest, it renews one’s faith in the absolute beauty of life, and there is still so much of it.  It restores some of that withering faith in humanity, for there is still an awful lot of good out there.  We’ve all heard this simple phrase –  Look For The Good.

A nice bunch of roses for $7.99  at the local grocery store…  Buy yourself the flowers, you deserve it!  When the price is good, I do it.   Always remember to snip the bottoms off when you bring them home and put them in water. Helps keep them fresh longer.  And, if it’s tulips you’ve got – put two pennies in their water, they last longer.

A worthy recipe…

French Onion Mac & Cheese

Ingredients

  • 6 tablespoons unsalted butter
  • 1 Spanish onion, thinly sliced
  • kosher salt
  • 8 ounces cavatappi or other small cut pasta
  • 1/4 cup all-purpose flour
  • 1 12oz can evaporated milk
  • 1 cup whole milk
  • 4 ounces gruyere cheese, freshly grated
  • 6 ounces swiss cheese, freshly grated
  • 2 ounces parmesan cheese, freshly grated
  • 1/2 teaspoon freshly ground nutmeg
  • 2 teaspoons Dijon mustard

Instructions

  1. Preheat the oven to 375ºF. Butter an 8×8 inch baking dish.
  2. In a large skillet, melt 2 tablespoons of the butter over medium-low heat. Add the onions with a pinch of salt and cook, stirring occasionally, until they are golden and reduced, about 40 minutes.
  3. Bring a pot of salted water to a boil and cook the pasta according to the directions. Drain and set aside.
  4. In the same pot you used to cook the pasta, melt the remaining 4 tablespoons butter over medium-high heat. Add the flour, whisking until combined to create a roux. Cook for 1 to 2 minutes until it’s golden and smooth. Slowly pour in the milk, whisking constantly, about 5 minutes. Slowly pour in the evaporated milk and whisk until thickened. Reduce the heat to low and add the gruyere and swiss and all but a couple tablespoons of the parmesan. Stir until all of the cheese is melted. Stir in the nutmeg, mustard and salt and pepper to taste. Stir in the cooked pasta and the onions.
  5. Transfer the mixture to the buttered baking dish and top with remaining parmesan. Bake until the top is golden brown, about 25 minutes. Cool for a few minutes before serving.

Till soon,

 

 

 

Robins in Snow

 

Just now as I’m sitting in my office/studio pondering what to tackle while the granddaughter sleeps… I looked out at the gentle snowfall (always my favorite kind of snow… and the quiet that generally accompanies it)  and witness such a beautiful thing – Robins eating the holly berries on the corner of the  porch.

The barn chores take a little more time in winter, this is where I start to feel my age… the ice chipping, the frozen water bucket hauling, the frozen manure, the winter blanket maneuvering.   All the layers of clothes even.  But… as much as it can be a hassle, I wouldn’t give up the animals for an easier existence nor the  seasons to go live six months of the year somewhere balmier.  I’d probably weight 200 pounds if I did.   The occasional reprieve will do.    I do know many who love that yearly  migration.    I would just miss my family too much, I am a home girl through and through.

Our old boy, Max… 29 and looking fine.

We have some exciting news… our daughter is getting married in April!   We’ve been busy with wedding plans and most of it is fun!  Some of it anxiety inducing!    I hope to lose 15 pounds to fit into the dress I found and bought and love.  Stupid way to plan on the dress for the occasion but I’m going to give it my best shot, because I really do love the dress. And it didn’t come in my current chubby size.

I’ve had a few paintings on the easel this year…. my favorite is called “Organized Chaos”… a scene from our perennial gardens here on the farm….  I like to incorporate a creature into my paintings when appropriate… can you see the bee?

This one done for a friend, who built and runs that sugarhouse for the community  and is in the picture along with his grandson –

Currently on the easel – still a lot to do here, this is just the base layer…

Things I find inspiring…..

A photo taken by Michael Blanchard on Martha’s Vineyard – the island has gotten hammered in recent months with severe storms that have brought an angry sea to wipe out many of the dunes on the beaches….  Michael has been through some very trying times and has beaten and continues to beat back alcohol addiction, helps others now, and has written some inspiring books on the subject, with his photography.

Thankfully the Mr. agreed to a summer getaway to my favorite nearby island in July –  Looking forward to walking this beach again.

This sink showed up in my newsfeed, isn’t it beautiful?  Would make my least favorite chore so much more enjoyable.   Can’t help but wonder though, Wood and water usually = rot eventually.

Have a good weekend and an even better week ahead –  Till soon!

We’re all just walking each other home

 

….. one of my most favorite quotes, attributed to Ram Dass, an American spiritual leader of the 1970s.  This country and the world at large is in big trouble on so many levels, all because of the flaws in humanity.  Recently I am making every effort to focus on the uplifting things, and that quote is one of them.  It truly helps me to believe in that simple concept and gives me inspiration to do whatever little good  and truly see it anywhere it can be found.

I don’t have much to say here right now, just that I am enjoying my new grandson immensely and watching my daughter become the wonderful mother we all knew she’d be.

We’ve had some glorious weather and I’ve been out in it, soaking it all up, getting some exercise, enjoy this farm and the woods and the shoreline trails.

Till soon –

 

Just Call Me GRAM ! ❤

My first born had her first born on Saturday!! We are over the moon in love with our precious grandson.  He was in a hurry, apparently, so he is six weeks early. However, and Amen… he is healthy and doing great!   So is his mother, whom I am so very proud of ❤

 

    There’s something about being in a hospital that gives you such a diverse slice of humanity. So many stories passing by- the joyous, the tragic, the troubled, and everything in between. The highly educated and skilled and affluent, the poor and struggling, the healthy and the unwell, the families, the elderly, the living and the dying. Those who love their jobs no matter how demanding and draining and fraught with difficulty, both emotional and physical , and those who begrudgingly get through their shift.
I can of course only speak from my own experiences and being so hard of hearing, I pay much more attention to those around me than I suppose the average person might. What I notice are the wealthiest among us are not for certain those walking around with Gucci bags and a stellar wardrobe and a fine education and important meetings and places to be. It’s not even the healthiest among us, although that’s a treasure one should value above all … Nope. It’s the people who have enough love within that they freely shine it on others regardless of their circumstances, in the warm greetings and casual smiles in passing, the little courtesies, the big ones, the sharing of stories and commiseration , the compassion shown to strangers, the nurses and healthcare staff who are exhausted, who have seen so much heartbreak, but still show up and shine their light and do the hard things, and do them with kindness. It’s the people who embrace without effort the notion that we are all in this together , that truly get the most out of life. They have what matters most.
Till soon –

Wonder Women

To all of you out there, cheers to women everywhere. We are life makers, life savers, love makers, career builders, home makers, soul mates, worry warriors, the sounding board, the bulletin board, the safe place, the calm in the storm.. the storm itself when need be…the soft landing, the tough love, the easy love …the Love. And we each know how damn hard that can be at times. But we do it anyway, even when our own reserves are depleted, we find it. Cheers to you, to me.. to all of us ❤

The Happening You Must Focus On

 

 

     It is easy to mourn the lives we aren’t living. Easy to wish we’d developed other talents, said yes to different offers. Easy to wish we’d worked harder, loved better, handled our finances more astutely, been more popular, stayed in the band, gone to Australia, said yes to the coffee or done more bloody yoga.
     It takes no effort to miss the friends we didn’t make and the work we didn’t do and the people we didn’t marry and the children we didn’t have. It is not difficult to see yourself through the lens of other people, and to wish you were all the different kaleidoscopic versions of you they wanted you to be. It is easy to regret, and keep regretting, ad infinitum, until our time runs out.
     But it is not the lives we regret not living that are the real problem. It is the regret itself. It’s the regret that makes us shrivel and wither and feel like our own and other people’s worst enemy.
     We can’t tell if any of those other versions would have been better or worse.      Those lives are happening, it is true, but you are happening as well, and that is the happening we have to focus on. ~Matt Haig
(Book: The Midnight Library) 
    I love that passage so much!  I also read the book, and while it wasn’t one of my favorite reads, it’s a good one… and that group of text above? Spot on.  Who among us hasn’t dreamed another dream, had a few regrets, wasted too much time on what isn’t.  And we all know, life is short and too precious for such nonsense.  I am a firm believer in making the best of every day, even when I catch myself doing anything but.  Then I readjust the sails.
     The new barn has been a Godsend here on the farm. Both of our girlies are very pregnant and I’ve taken over all barn chores again, which means a lot of water buckets and hay bales and stall mucking etc. etc.   With the yoga and stretching/meditation I’ve taken up, my body is faring better than I had expected. 40 plus years of all that work  has left me with some arthritis and worn parts, blah blah. But it’s also made me a strong work horse and I’m grateful to  still be able to do it. And I love those animals so.  They are my heart and my peace and my salvation often.  We got our first real snow of the winter on march 1st.  In New England, that’s just strange. But it’s made all that work easier on this older girl.
      I have always felt the sky is like  a painting we live under, it’s landscape always changing, and all we ever need to do is look up to see the mood of the moment, the beauty of nature, the temperament of the weather gods.  Who hasn’t marveled at a full moon rising, the night stars on a cloudless night, the rolling roiling storm clouds coming across the horizon or the gorgeous colors of a beautiful sunrise-sunset.  On the hill and fields of this farm we have what I call big sky country, a big patch of blue  with  many glorious sunrises and sunsets.
  I made a few more recipes from The Lost Kitchen files…
New England baked beans and brown bread –  first time I ever bought a slab of salt pork, had to ask the butcher where to find it at the store.
 And Waldorf Salad – with apples, celery, Fennel, arugula, lemon juice and zest,  candied walnuts, mayo, salt & pepper… SOOO GOOD!
     The Mr. turned 59!  We had a lovely family dinner at one of our favorite restaurants near our Stella by the Sea.  Our mothers are still with us and we are so grateful they are here to meet their first great grands.
 Cheers to many more years!
 I completed the Woodstock, VT  Middle bridge painting, whose true angles are a bit skewed in any photo taken, so this was a real challenge and it’s far from perfection, but I’m glad I attempted it.  The bridge for me  represents many happy family memories there  and hopefully more to come.  The lighted star up on the hill is the first thing I look for when we drive into town.
   Had a physical this week, and it’s clear I need to get serious about cleaning up my diet.  Cholesterol numbers less than stellar, weight – about 25 pounds overweight.  Bleh.  I get plenty of exercise, so… as the doctor has often said… it’s what you put in your mouth.   Each new day is a chance to get it right.. right? I’m making a concerted effort to improve those numbers.  Being a food loving person and one who likes to cook and bake for others, it ain’t easy.
      I hope all is well in your neck of the woods – till soon 🌹

We Shall Be Free

 

As these elections come and go I find I am at a loss for words that adequately describe my heartbreak for the state of the world and this country that I love. And as I see politicians who continuously sow seeds of division and hate and people/media/politicans continue to spread false information with the intention to divide and conquer… I don’t know how it’s lost on anyone this very simple but very real truth….. united we stand, divided we will eventually fall.  We are falling.  We need leaders who are focused on bringing us all together regardless of our affiliations, for that is where we become strong…… leaders who believe in democracy at it’s best, leaders who truly care about all of us, not just those who bow to them or line their pockets. We need leaders who care about the earth because we are fucking it up royally and that’s not a bottomless pit, we need leaders who’s egos don’t get in the way of the job they’re supposed to do… for all of us, not just their rally crowds. I don’t like most of my choices for voting, I wish we did better across the whole political spectrum. And I sure as hell don’t have the answer – but I will not lose any more of my precious time fretting over something I have no control over other than my vote. I will continue to try to leave things better than I found them, help those I can, and although I’m not religious, this country and it’s people are gonna need every prayer we’ve got, because all I see is more ugly coming down the pike, and too many people looking the other way to support it for whatever their reasons. Unfathomable, and yet here we are.

I wrote this a week or so ago, just before the most recent elections….. and what I see now  is HOPE.   A LIGHT beaming out over the dysfunction.  I still believe a mix of both Democratic and Republican policy make for a strong Democracy if the two parties can work together for the common good.  There in lies the rub!  There has always been friction,  and some corruption all over the spectrum, but never the divisive vicious manipulating  anything goes and anything is accepted crap  we have seen ushered in with the MAGA mentality.  It’s as if someone threw gas on and lit and aimed a blowtorch at the worst our society has to offer.

…. So.. that light?    This election was not a red wave, as the media predicted.  A ripple at best.  And some of the MAGA crowd vying for power was sent a clear message – we are tired of the hate, of the rage politics, we want function, not dysfunction.

Trying to distance myself from the muck of the political landscape… I’ve been sitting at the easel again and just finished this little painting, which I truly love.  For me it represents simpler times, and a childhood joy I still cherish… those little glass orbs, tiny little worlds in a glass jar on a sunny windowsill. PS: I don’t know why the weird lines appear in this painting’s image here, at least on my computer screen.  It’s not in the uploaded image of the painting.

As I sat up there on election day  in my son’s old bedroom which is now my “art studio” … I had Amazon music playing and my old buddy Garth came up  – how profound is this…. ( yep, I’m still hearing impaired, but I remember my favorites and all their nuances… and I can still hear the base rhythm… so believe it or not, I can still sing – horribly!!)   Garth Brooks is one of my very favorites… and this song ranks up there in my top 10 of all time.

 

We Shall Be Free

This ain’t comin’ from no prophet,
Just an ordinary man.
When I close my eyes,
I see the way this world shall be
When we all walk hand in hand.
When the last child cries for a crust of bread,
When the last man dies for just words that he said,
When there’s shelter over the poorest head,
We shall be free.
When the last thing we notice is the color of the skin,
And the first thing we look for is the beauty within;
When the skies and the oceans are clean again,
Then we shall be free.
We shall be free, we shall be free.
Stand straight, walk proud,
‘Cause we shall be free.
When we’re free to love anyone we choose,
When this world’s big enough for all different views,
When we all can worship from our own kind of pew,
Then we shall be free.
We shall be free, we shall be free
Have a little faith, hold out,
‘Cause we shall be free.
And when money talks for the very last time,
And nobody walks a step behind;
When there’s only one race,
And that’s mankind, then we shall be free.
We shall be free ,we shall be free
Stand straight, (walk proud, )
Have a little faith, (hold out;)
We shall be free.
We shall be free, we shall be free,
(Stand straight, ) stand straight,
(Have a little faith, ) walk proud,
‘Cause we shall be free.

 

Till soon, Friends…