We’re all aware of the national conversation taking place over the last decade or so about marriage, and in particular, gay marriage. In 41 states, marriage is defined as a union of two people, a man and a woman. 9 states and the District of Columbia have declared gay marriage legal. There are, of course, rumblings on either side of this issue.
My personal view is very simple… to each his own. It’s not my business who someone else is attracted to, who they want to share their life with, or what they do in their bedroom. If you are a religious person, meaning you believe in God our Creator, are you of the belief that all are created equal? One is supposed to believe that God loves all his children. How, then, could that possibly exclude those who are gay? If two people of the same sex fall in love and want to live a life bonded in marriage and family, what gives us the right to deny them? And this brings me to another issue – I don’t think gay people have a choice, anymore than I have a choice that I was born heterosexual. I’m grateful that I am heterosexual, actually… because I don’t have to live with the prejudice that gay people still deal with on so many levels.
You might wonder why I’m bringing this up today. Every now and then I see yet another article on this subject, and I keep wondering why it’s still such a big issue. There are so many BIG fish we need to fry in the national conversation, why is THIS still one of them? I happen to know two gay couples who live much more harmoniously and are more giving of themselves to their community and the world at large than many heterosexual couples I know. As for the debate on whether or not they can be good or “qualified” parents… I can’t say I’m an authority here, but my belief is that in today’s world, if a child has two adults who are loving and nurturing and provide a quality life consisting of love, healthy living and education, what more could you ask? So many children who were mothered and fathered in the “traditional” way, go without. SO many.
I realize I am taking a risk by posting on this subject, because it’s controversial. Hell, just the other day we had controversy over the issue of cell phone use, knock me over with a feather! I could make this blog conform solely to hearts and flowers, inspirational quotes, recipes, chickens and horses and fairy tales. Just to keep it safe. I like all of the above mentioned things, but I want to talk about the Grit in life, too. I think that’s why some of you come here, because we’re keeping it real. I may offend some readers because your opinion may be very different than mine, that is not my intention. I have no problem with differences of opinion and that you might want to share that opinion in the comments section here. I believe that kind of conversation represents growth. What I ask, though, is that you show respect and refrain from putting down others. If we could all just learn to communicate without insulting each other, we’d clear one of the World’s major hurdles and there would be a better understanding and tolerance all around.
Just sayin.
Sometimes I just need to stay out of the grit for my mental peace. After a very busy week here, I need to rest my mind. Someone I know here locally, and am fond of, just told everyone that her husband awoke from a 15-day coma after a horrible accident. Life is so short and fragile that I don't see why people in our country still have to face such judgment about their lives.
Karen, WELL SAID. I, too, believe that two people in love, whatever the gender, should be able to be together in peace. I personally know several couples of one gender who have raised children together, and those children were blessed to have loving parents in their lives. We need more love, not wrangling!
I'm in total agreement. What gives anyone the right to say certain people aren't allowed to marry? I've never understood that. Just how is that threatening to someone? The answer: fear and ignorance.
I've always had many, many gay friends and am so happy to see that many of them are choosing to marry, after many years of living in a world where that was not a possibility. A loving marriage is not exclusive to heterosexual couples. One needs only to read the statistics on divorce.
xo
Claudia
I am becoming intolerant myself these days….of those that cannot accept gay marriage. Should we not be more concerned about good people being and raising families than the equation of man/man, woman/woman, man/woman. I am very lucky to be Canadian where gay marriage is a right in our constitution.
We absolutely share the same beliefs on gay marriage, Karen, and I applaud you for putting it out there. When I think of all the struggles gay people have had in admitting to themselves, their loved ones, friends and strangers, that they are in fact gay, it saddens me to know they have so many more hurdles to face in order to have the same rights as any other loving couple.
I know we all can't see eye to eye on issues, but hopefully healthy discussion can lead to changes in the way we think.
XO,
Jane
I'm not religious but I do believe marriage is between one man/one woman and society, as we know it, is built upon that foundation. Lest someone start throwing that tired old saw "homophobic" at me, my oldest friend is a lesbian and, for more than 3 decades, we've gone on vacations together, stayed at each other's homes and even slept in the same bed. I love her and would give a kidney for her but I don't love her lifestyle and it's simply not an issue. Over the years, she's been in/out of relationships…as have I…and I love those whom she loves…because she's my friend and I love and support her. She's returned the sentiment and when Dave died, she grieved right along beside me.
I'm not sure homosexuality isn't a choice; I mean, we choose with whom we'll have sex and, trust me on this point…we do NOT need sex in order to live meaningful lives.
Dave was a libertarian and believed "to each his own" as well and we managed to love each other for more than two decades. smile
Honestly, I believe marriage was intended for one man/one woman. But, I respect all people for their belief's. It's not for me to judge.
I have a cousin who has a partner; and Linda (my cuz) has given birth to two children who are VERY well loved, and are given opportunities I could only wish to have given my own.
This is a great post, Karen.
xoxo
You aren't just sayin'. You are saying it OUT LOUD.
And I want it to be heard.
I haven't talked about it too much, but last summer and fall I was hugely involved with Minnesotans United for All Families. We were working hard to vote no on an amendment to change the language in our Minnesota Constitution to read "A marriage is defined as between ONE man and ONE woman."
So I spent hours and hours on the phone listening to people telling me their right-leaning thoughts, hiding behind their God to support their racism. Which is all that it is. Racism.
And I listened to people emphatically support our cause. Saying that their God doesn't look in people's bedrooms, but looks at their heart. That's the God I know.
I don't want government in my bedroom.
To those that say they marriage is a religious issue, they are wrong. It is a constitutional issue. The state cannot force any church/synagogue to marry anyone they do not want to marry. It's a different issue for government to not allow same sex marriage. That's a personal liberty. When we allow government to start dictating these rights, what thing will they attempt to take away from us next?
We won. The amendment was voted down. And Minnesota is now working on a marriage amendment that will allow all couples to marry.
I believe in God, and I believe he loves us all equally. Of course He loves gays, as well as, heterosexual people. We are His children. I do believe marriage is for a man and woman. I also believe in good in any people, gay or whatever. So….I guess I'm just sayin….
If I came here and you had just inspirational quotes and flowers, I would yawn, and go away.
So true, not a religious issue at all…..but a constitutional one. Anyone who questions whether gay people should have children should take a look at the volumes of pictures of foster children in their state!! Available to all.
Keep it real, Karen,dear friend.
If I can talk about brain surgery, you can talk about gay marriage. On another note, my bff is with her lesbian partner, they have been together for 25 years….were both married to men initially, and had children…….when I asked her if she wanted to marry her partner, she said…..hell, no…….why do I need to get married. Unnecessary. Their commitment seems to say it all.
Thanks for keeping it so real! I am of the belief that marriage is for a man and a woman. I am also of the belief that God loves all of His children the same and to say He doesn't. I have grown to understand that more and more over the past 20+ years. My step daughters were very, very young when my husband and I married and I love them as my own. However my heart is hurt when they live their lives in ways other than we intended…we never intended to have daughters who are drug addicts and alcoholics. BUT I still love them with all my heart and that is how I understand God's love. I also learned by reading my Bible that I am instructed not to judge others.
Great thought provoking post Karen.
I feel that 2 people who love each other and want to be together should be. I don't care if someone is gay or not, I like a person for who they are.
Well said and I couldn't agree more with all you had to say. Kathy
I believe in God and I still see it the same way you do!
First I want to thank Deborah for working, along with many many others, so hard to defeat the constitutional amendment against gay marriage in Minnesota. Our voices were heard and now see discussion and legislation being presented in our state congress. I have a feeling Minnesota will pass a marriage amendment supporting gay marriage and my gay friends can then enjoy the same legal marriage privileges as hetero couples do. Personally, I don't care who you love because the heart is attracted to what it loves.
That's fine if people believe marriage is for one man and one women but legislation or laws should never been designed to prevent someone else from enjoying a freedom that the majority do based on religious dogma. That's called discrimination. Religion needs to stay out of politics. I'm just saying.
Lastly Karen thank you too, for taking risks on your blog. We need to have these discussion, so thank you for the opportunity.
Donna
I can't understand why this is still an issue in the US. There are so many bigger problems to address,it seems to me(a Canadian),that it's beyond past the time we put this one to bed,made marriage legal for all consenting adults,and move on. I love my God and believe He didn't grant me a special privelages above anyone else,including marriage.
I completely agree. We left the church that we had belonged to for years and were active participants when they "kicked out" a lesbian couple as they had not repented and stopped being lesbians, basically. It was horrifying, as we did not know that people could be "kicked out" at all.
It's a big issue to me, as my brother is gay. And yes, I'd say it was pretty clear at a young age. Not the easiest life to lead in many ways, but also not my place to judge.
Very well said, its discrimination to deny some people advantages and rights given to others based on gender. If marriage was only a religious state then fine, if you beleive that way, be married. But its not, there are government and tax implications that have to be available to all. So either change it to make a "commitment" that gets you the same rights and advantages as traditional marriage and dont call it marriage. Then the religouse folks can keep their supirior judgemental attitudes and the gays have the same rights as the rest as they are entitled to. Wether you agree with the sexual side or not, its an issue of rights for all citizens.
I agree with everything that's been said, and while my personal belief is that sexual orientation is something that one is born with, I appreciate the fact that all the comments have been more about 'not judging' and living harmoniously. God doesn't judge us, so it's not our place to judge anyone who chooses a different lifestyle than ours. I've gotten to know quite a few gay couples over the years because of some of the creative outlets I've worked in, as well as the places I've lived, and have made some lasting friendships NOT because of our differences, but because my friends are caring, loving individuals who have many of the same family values and community interests as I do.
I also agree that it's not the government's place to impose ammendments on this issue. What I find the most repulsive is the fact that a same-sex couple is not allowed the same privileges as married couples (i.e., "family plans" for health/auto/home insurance, end-of-life decisions and even adoption, in some aspects). I haven't stayed on top of the laws, so some of those may have changed in the last few years.
Nevertheless, the subject remains a debate, and I agree that there are far greater issues at hand. WHY do we need to continue this one?
If anyone is interested, there was a recent article written by Senator Rob Portman, who until recently (when he learned that his son was gay) was against gay marriage.
He writes, "I have come to believe that if two people are prepared to make a lifetime commitment to each other in good times and in bad, the government shouldn't deny them the opportunity to get married."
You can read the rest of what he has to say here: http://www.dispatch.com/content/stories/editorials/2013/03/15/gay-couples-also-deserve-chance-to-get-married.html
Oops! Forgot to leave my name re: the above comment.
Maggy
First time I have commented…I must say I was more shocked when you revealed that horses wear tail extensions! I learn so much from blogland!
Everything you say on this issue makes sense to me. The same debate has been dragging on in Australia for ages as well, and probably will for a lot longer.
I have seen some people write some rather nasty things in the comments of other blogs, so your request to be respectful etc when commenting is a good idea too.
Kathy from Tasmania
We are all equal in God's eyes and in my book as well, Karen!…:)JP
Karen! I loved this!!! š
Mandy
I'm in total agreement with you. I don't see what the big deal is. To each his own. Or her own.
Brenda
hi Karen I beleive each to their own,As long as the couple is in love who cares if it is boy boy or girl girl or boy girl.For anyone to find true love is hard enough ,So if a couple do find this type of love great who am I to say sorry you must be boy girl.I also feel we should just but out of other peoples lives and concentrate on our own lives-love dee x
Well this one a tough one for me i guess being a guy and a guy raised in southern ways and morals and values . You know learn how to take care of yourself and your family work hard everyday to take care of your wife and childern . Gays was NEVER talked about in my family . you know with todays times EVERYTHING is different . If thats the way they are then thats there business . If more people just minded there own business and take after the old saying " if you dont have nice things to say dont say anything at all " it would be a nicer and better place to live in .
K You never change for anyone ! The reason we all was drawn to this blog was your home the reason we read your post everyday is YOU ! So dont change ok !!!!
By the way i feel what they do is there business !
thanks for voicing your opinion karen and wow, i couldn't agree with you more.
hugs !
I completely agree. Great post.
Karen Miller – Vancouver, Washington
Whoa….. you go where many are afraid. I totally agree with your views. Live and let live. I for one am letting judgement lie in my Maker's hands!!
I love that you go out on a limb and take risks! Makes me think! Now, I am mixed in my feelings. I was raised in a hell, fire and brimstone church where homosexuality is wrong, wrong, wrong. Many things I read in the Bible say that it is wrong. I have been doing more research and more reading to try to make myself more away religiously what is out there.
I have friends from school that have come out, and do I love them less or care for them less. Heck, no!!! Do I understand it. No, but, do I judge them. No. I want them to be happy and like someone else said, why would they choose to be different and shunned in so many ways. I think everyone deserves to be loved. How it happens and who it is with is their choice.
With that said, I have to say that the inundation of homosexuality on t.v. is a bit overwhelming to me as is the sexual nature of programming anyway. I am more of a Leave It to Beaver and parents should sleep in twin beds kind of gal. I am also raising a little girl who I want to keep little for as long as I can! Now I am rambling! Great post and thanks for always making us think!!!
I love that you go out on a limb and take risks! Makes me think! Now, I am mixed in my feelings. I was raised in a hell, fire and brimstone church where homosexuality is wrong, wrong, wrong. Many things I read in the Bible say that it is wrong. I have been doing more research and more reading to try to make myself more away religiously what is out there.
I have friends from school that have come out, and do I love them less or care for them less. Heck, no!!! Do I understand it. No, but, do I judge them. No. I want them to be happy and like someone else said, why would they choose to be different and shunned in so many ways. I think everyone deserves to be loved. How it happens and who it is with is their choice.
With that said, I have to say that the inundation of homosexuality on t.v. is a bit overwhelming to me as is the sexual nature of programming anyway. I am more of a Leave It to Beaver and parents should sleep in twin beds kind of gal. I am also raising a little girl who I want to keep little for as long as I can! Now I am rambling! Great post and thanks for always making us think!!!
"True Grit"….coulda been a blog name for you.
Some day in the distant future we will look back and laugh at the time and energy everyone put into this subject…..it's an issue why?
Love your grit girl.
Way to go, my gritty little soul sister!! My favorite quote about this came from Cher a few years ago. During an interview, the reporter appeared to be baiting her with a question asking her how she felt about same-sex marriage. Her reply was pure Cher … she said something like, "It doesn't matter how I feel, because it's none of my business." I love Cher!
So much hate and discrimination is flung about by folks who hide behind their religious beliefs. Instead of believing that we are all good, we constantly hear how this or that sin-du-jour is a threat to society. Personally, I don't want to be part of their society, if it's so fragile and easily destroyed.
Happy Sunday, to you!
Connie
I think I am even MORE shocked and appalled that racism still exists. So much so that FRIENDS who I never dreamed were racists, expressed their opinion of our president and guess what? I simply do NOT get it.
Sorry to go off subject…
I feel the same way!
To each his own!!
I know it has to be difficult for the same sex couple simply because the 50 states are not on the same band wagon. It needs to be legal so all couples can receive the same medical benefits and other benefits. If their marriage doesn't work out- then they must also divorce the same way as a married man and woman divorce legally. The laws should apply to ALL couples.
"If we could all just learn to communicate without insulting each other, we'd clear one of the World's major hurdles and there would be a better understanding and tolerance all around."
You said it all right there, Karen. As far as homosexuality and gay marriage is concerned, I'm a Christian and follow the teachings of Jesus who did not treat people differently for ANY reason.
Well said … Made me think of the commentator who said that "for our children, being gay is like being left handed". I like left handed people, everyone should.
as long as the groping stays behind closed doors
Oh bouy Karen :)such a deep topic. The one common thread viewers have said they believe in God too, and feel gay marriage is ok paraphrasing here from comments made… One may "believe in God" but do you believe…Who God is…. holy and sovereign..2. and do you believe in His Word? Which is the bible and what it says…God's laws and commandments ect. His word says man shall not lay down with man….or do we ignore God's word and do what we want and feel, .and still call ourselves God's children.
I believe a person who professes to be gay really has a true attraction to the same sex, but this is a much deeper issue… on a spiritual level, a war not of the flesh but of the spirit. It's a war because many gays are in deep conflict not just because of society but because of their inner spirit..they in turmoil. We are in an imperfect world….there is nothing new under the sun and this has been in our society since the beginning of time….civilations have fallen due to one of the signs of homosexuality….not part of God's plan it is mans desire…
Now it is not for me to judge and I am not only stating I believe in Gods word…we all will stand before God….and answer to Him and Him only…we are to walk out our lives here hopefully allowing the Lord to direct us and submitting to His ways. We are called to love all people…and I pray that I will continue to grow and love all people…all people…treat with kindness and agape love. Only God will judge. It's more than just "believing in God" it's also believing what His word says. A difficult heart wretching issue our society has with what defines marriage. God made a helper for man….it was Eve a woman not another man. Also many times scripture (Gods word) says…man shall not lie down with man…it's an abomination to God. If you don't believe in Gods word then none of this will mean anything to you….now…but it will someday when you will stand before your Maker God who you say you believe in. I say this with a soft heart, honestly.
We are to love one another..but don't have to agree with what they do. Ok…I went there too, Karen acapecodnest
I suppose my opinions come closest to Jemsmom and Karen. I certainly do NOT hate gay people–have known quite a few, and have two distant relatives who are gay. It's not my place to judge them–yes, the Bible does unequivically speak negatively of homosexuality, but I don't see that I am the one to confront them. It is between them and God–I really do have a problem though with those who constantly post on Facebook about gay marriage and care not a whit about domestic violence and the oppression of women, 55 million lost through abortion in America, and forced abortions in China. I guess I don't equate people's right to marry the same sex (after all homosexuality is not against our laws in the U.S.)with the same gravity as the oppression of women all over the world and people dying due to lack of clean water in Third World nations. I mean people are being tortured and murdered, human trafficking is a huge problem in the world –even my own hometown and I guess I just don't care that much who marries who. I'll stick to posting on Facebook about dogs and cats needing homes and Global Bag project which supports women in Kenya sewing bags to support their children, as many are sole providers due to the AIDS epidemic. So that's where I am! You are brave to tackle this subject!
Well said.
I was just called out on my blog because I posted a supposed wrong quote by queen elizabeth. Whatever. at some point you are going to offend someone. š Life is a gift & your blog is a wonderful spot in my day. Just be you, so many love you! š
Karen, I agree completely with you. Outside of breaking laws designed to protect us, it is not our place to judge others, only God has that right. I see so much intolerance at times that it makes me wonder if we will ever learn from our mistakes. Hitler and the Jews. Blacks and Whites. Catholics and Protestants. Straights and Gays. What will be next? Brunettes and Redheads? Old and young? Educated and Uneducated? Iām amazed at times at how we can so easily forget that we are all here on ONE planet, and our survival on this planet depends on us coming together as ONE. To help each other, regardless of race, ethnicity, religion, or whom we choose to love.
I have been married to a wonderful man for 40 years, and I can't imagine someone telling me that I could not have him in my life.
Never be afraid to speak your mind, as long sas you don't do it to hurt someone.
Jeanne
jeannebell13@yahoo.com
Don't go all hearts & flowers on us – that's not you! I agree, to each their own!
I know I have said this before. I don't care who loves who or who is married to whom as long as you are a decent person. Decency, kindness, tolerance and empathy are the qualities that I think makes a person pleasant to be around..
I have a different opinion. It revolves around the issue of rights. And since individual states are able to license marriage, is therefore a privilege and not a right. Strictly speaking rights cannot be bartered away or licensed, they are yours forever and cannot be regulated or licensed.