Good morning! Star and I compared grays this morning – thankfully ( and surprisingly!) she still has more.
I had an interesting conversation with an old friend last night who was struggling with the pain of a relationship that wasn’t what she believed it to be. I am no expert on relationships, but as we were talking I couldn’t help but notice the same theme being repeated as she spilled out her hurt. No matter how she reached out or what she had done for and with the other person in that particular equation, she always felt it was mostly a one way street. She had a habit of thinking and acting on the idea that she needed to prove herself and her worth, she needed to be what the other person seemed to want… and yet all those efforts didn’t change that particular relationship one bit and most often left her feeling bad about herself.
I don’t know how many of you might have felt the same in any particular relationships throughout your life, but boy could I relate. And it occurred to me as I was trying to sort out reasonable advice or comfort to give…. that the reality probably lies somewhere in the knowledge that maybe we have some work to do, and just as importantly and maybe even more so in many instances, those relationships and their issues are not always worth the tending, whether we’re talking about a family member, a casual friend, a spouse, a coworker, fill in the blank. I’m willing to bet a professional would tell us in many instances the healthiest option is to “let go or be dragged”…. put in the simplest terms. Those who don’t value your presence in their life, past, present or future, don’t deserve your anguish over what isn’t. Tend the relationships that tend you. Love those who love you regardless of whatever your differences or your perceived flaws. If you know your heart is in the right place, don’t ever apologize for who you are, I think it’s so important to be your authentic self in order to be comfortable in your own skin, no matter how uncomfortable that might make someone else. That in itself will attract the right people into your life. I’m realizing I need to practice some of what I just preached, and it’s indeed a new day.
Lastly, forgiveĀ yourself and others when it’s possible, we’re all human, God Help Us.
I have learned that lesson several, no many times, and YET- I repeat the mistake multiple times more, and then wham, I remember…Oh yeah you’re doing all the work, all the worry. I realized after about 50 years that I am drawn to folks who in my messy head “need saving or help”. They are the type who want someone else to “fix” things for them, or at the very least listen to them complain. Bad bad bad bad combo. Now I get it much faster but still…wish I had an alarm warning that even though someone is fun and nice they may not be a good fit for me- and I’m talking women, cannot even touch the men stories! lol
A stealthy retreat is my solution so maybe they don’t notice I’m gone.
Lots of women have to learn this lesson the hard way — I did too — namely, put the same amount of effort into a relationship as the other person does. If there’s mutual reciprocal effort, that’s great. If it’s all one-way (from you to the other person), time to cut them loose. Those people are just takers.
Yes, ma’am, and Amen!
Good words. Yes, those who don’t value us don’t deserve us. Well said.
And I adore the photo!
That is a really good pic of you and Star, so cute. The little chin on your shoulder is precious.
I was watching the news the other night and I thought about you and your painting. Do you remember a guy named Bob Ross? He was a painter and a tv host and he had the big afro and a very soothing voice as he painted and talked. I believe he had a show called The Joy of Painting. He passed away in 1995 from lymphoma. Well, it seems that there are lots of you tube videos and during this pandemic, there has been renewed interest in Bob Ross and painting and his show has become very popular.
Stay healthy, keep safe.
oooh, yes of course I remember him. Let’s put a happy little tree over here, and give him a friend. God Bless…. š