Ric

 My cousin Ric was a handsome guy – rock star looks with out the snarly.  Even better -he was a kind hearted old soul with an ear for music – a drummer and sometimes singer who’s potential was never realized.  Unfortunately, his constant companion throughout his adult life was alcoholism.  He tried many times to kick it to the curb, but it kicked right back and the last time…the curb took his life.  How ironic.

 I didn’t see him often, as he always lived states away, but when I did, I adored him… with his rock star good looks and his musical ability and that big heart and smile that brought you right into his circle when you were near. He had the same twinkle in his eye as his father, brothers and sister… and I think a little of the depression that plagued his beautiful mothers soul.

 I remember the last conversation we had in my mothers kitchen… he was in a bad place, struggling so hard to come back to “normal”. He had two beautiful kids and a granddaughter who he loved very much. He wanted so much to stay healthy and sober so he could spend more time with them.  I was giving him all the advice a person who’s never been in his shoes would typically say, and I feel stupid  now thinking I had any answers for him.  I didn’t have a clue as to what he was really up against.

 My cousin, who is a gifted writer and was once a ballerina – wrote a moving tribute yesterday on her blog about her brother. This had to be a very painful process for her.  They were a close family all their lives despite hardships – and there have been many.  Until reading this post,  I didn’t quite know what Rics last days on this earth looked like and it breaks my heart in two. He deserved better.

http://augustinesconfessions.blogspot.com/

l to r – My sister, Ric’s brother and wife, my Nana in purple – and behind her  my little guy on the shoulder of my big guy along with baby niece “S”,  Ric’s sister in pale blue with husband behind her and Ric on the right. 

So much has changed since I took this picture.

27 thoughts on “Ric”

  1. What a tragic story. Alcohol and drugs can do such harm. People just don't really realize when they get started down that path. Alcoholism has affected my extended family as well, and it's a sad thing to watch.

  3. I'm so sorry for your family's loss. It is very hard to be looking helplessly on and able to do nothing, despite our best intentions. Many of us have been there…

  4. My heart breaks reading this. Our family too, touched by alcoholism, my brother gone now too. All for what? Missing them, I send a hug and a prayer for healing and strength. Reading this, years later I still can't come to terms with the pain this caused.

  6. He was a handsome man! And inside that handsome facade was a desperate struggling soul. I work with alcholics through my job and it is heart breaking. We had a man die in recovvery after surgery because he went into DT's because he did not want anyone to know that he drank daily..and, ultimately, the lie took his life…so sad….There is so much stigma attached to being alcoholic. The sad thing is that it is the lifeblood of some…they don't see any way out and a drink cures everything for them (in their mind). There's an old saying. Man takes a drink/The drink takes a drink/ The drink takes the man. There is so much truth in that. Our family has suffered from alcohol abuse too. I understand the pain and heartache it causes. My heart aches for Rick's family and all of you. My heart does not ache for him now because he is probably at peace for the first time in his adult life~ Hugs- Diana

  7. Karen – I am so sorry for your family's loss. Alcoholism is a terrible disease and takes too many people before they should leave us.
    Your cousin's blog post was beautiful.

  10. Like cancer I would guess that alcoholism has touched everyone's lives in some way. My family has certainly seen its share of it. Often it is associated with mental illness…Those suffering from bipolar disease often self-medicate with alcohol and drugs. It is difficult to stand back and watch but there isn't much else you can do….

  11. I read your cousins story about her brother, it's heartbreaking. I know alcoholism has touched many people I know in one way or another. I had an uncle die from complications of it, like your cousin, he was a wonderful man. I had a classmate die from it when we were in our thirties. I could go on. What I like to think is that they are now at piece.

  12. I'm so very sorry. Alcoholism runs in my family and I have seen what it can do to a person. I've chosen not to drink because of that history. It just holds no allure for me, as I've witnessed its ravages first hand.

    Comfort and healing to you and your family.

    xo
    Claudia

  14. Tragic story and unfortunately, often told. I lost a dear friend many years ago who had a wonderful life as an adult, but the demons of an abusive father drove him to drink. He died homeless, in a park, alone.

    Ric's sister's tribute was heartbreaking. May he have finally found peace.

  15. My brother has fought with these same issues since he was a teenager. It's been something that's been difficult to accept as his sister, but finally about 15 years ago I just decided I had to give his life over to him and stop worrying about him. Difficult thing to do. Alcoholism has taken a few wonderful men from my family too.

    I am so completely and utterly sorry for this loss to your entire family, Karen. I'll slip over and read her posts.

    DI

  19. Great blog post, and i read your cousin's also. Sad, so sad…a terrible disease. So sorry for your loss….someone so full of life at one time….so sad.

  20. There's a profound sadness in my heart when I read a story like Ric's. Sadness for the loss, for the pain and for a life that could have been so different but wasn't. I don't think there is one of us who's life hasn't been affected by alcoholism, mine included. Thanks for sharing Ric's story.

  21. I am so sorry for your family's loss Karen. It is a disease which affects way too many people. Big Hugs – Fee XX

  22. So many people struggle with the disease as well as because of the disease. However, sometimes meeting grief head on is the only way to express all those emotions that have been swept aside, buried. My condolences…:)JP

  24. My older cousin also died from alcoholism. He was a gorgeous young man. Married a wonderful woman. Had two beautiful children — who grew up to be amazing adults. More people than you can count who tried to help him battle the beast. He was blessed beyond belief and lost it all. I am sorry for your loss and I feel your sorrow.

  25. Karen…I'm so sorry. I have left your cousin a note on her blog and she has responded. Having a sister who suffers from alcoholism…it is just devastating…so very sad….not just for the person, but for the whole family as well.

  26. It's the worst to watch it happen. It's the worst when it hits your life.

    I was married to an alcoholic and I have to say that nothing makes sense, nothing you do or say makes a hill of beans difference. But lots of fingers get pointed – at all involved.

    For my wasband, he figured it out. He lost a few things along the way, but mostly he is intact.

    Others in my life touched by this disease – not so much.

    I bet your cousin was an awesome man and I'm so sorry. I read his sister's blog entry and started crying. Lovely and rather stark – just like loving an alcoholic can be.

  27. Oh Karen, I am so sorry for your loss…we, too, have addiction in our immediate family and it is always so hard to know what to do or say…my thoughts are with you and yours… xo

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