The guy and I spent yesterday afternoon in Westerly, Watch Hill and Misquamicutt, Rhode Island, checking out the beach damage still to be cleared up after Hurricane Sandy (remember that one?). More on that in tomorrow’s post. Today… I want to discuss an issue I’ve dealt with all of my life. Self Appreciation.. or Self-Depreciation, which is more to the point.
Mike took this picture of me yesterday as we stood on East Beach looking out over the water.
Here’s what I’m getting at. Later, at home when I looked over the days pictures, I saw this one and immediately thought… oh, jeez, I look chubby! Crooked smile, wrinkly face, muddy skin, double chin, blah blah proverbial blah. All that negative internal noise. I’ve been doing this my whole life, and it’s just nonsense. It’s self torture so many of us inflict on ourselves. I recognize my bad habit, and I have tried in recent years to improve how I talk to myself. I’ve also learned to accept compliments graciously, instead of brushing them off with an incredulous.. HA! Hell, if we can’t be kind to ourselves and appreciate our own being, who else should? It all starts right there.
This is why you will occasionally see a picture of me on my blog. It’s not because I think I’m all that. It’s because I am making a conscious effort to like myself, to put myself out there, despite the fact that my internal voice is always mocking my photographs, my body type, my stature, my inability to get down to the 114 lbs. I was married in. I could go on and on. But I’ve decided I won’t… not anymore.
We are all our own little miracle. Just look at how these bodies work for us, what we accomplish every single day. Thank The Powers That Be that we are all individual, each different and significant in our own way. How very boring life would be if we all conformed to one particular mold. Who sets the gold standard for beauty, anyway? And… Beauty means so many things.. kindness, compassion, caring, an appreciation for this incredible world we live in.
We all possess beauty, do yourself a big favor and make sure you’re not blind to your own.
It’s a new day, people.
Make it a good one, you beautiful thing.
AMEN to that girlfriend! Beautiful post… beautiful YOU!
Good morning Karen…
Your last paragraph says it all. I think we all know that deep down, but hardly any of us put it into practice as often as we should.
Doesn't matter our age.. teens to 90's, we're way too hard on ourselves, it's a constant struggle.
Sometimes when I'm feeling all down on myself I stop and think what I would say to a friend who was beating herself up… and then it occurs to me that I should be saying these things to myself because basically aren't we our own best friend !!
It has gotten easier as I went through my 60's into my 70's… don't wait that long though 🙂
xo
Beauty is as beauty does. 🙂 So many "beautiful" people are just downright ugly. The day my thinking changed a few years ago was when I truly realized and accepted that what you see is just a shell. Who we are is inside. You have beauty inside as well as out.
Such good advice! I was doing this just a couple of days ago. Critiquing myself in a photo. Not worth it.
It's so important to like and love yourself. We all have a beauty that's unique to ourselves, but sometimes we forget that and focus on what we don't like. This is a good reminder, Karen.
Oh I wish I had signed that blog post. You said it beautifully! Just as you are.
In that photo, I immediately saw your smile and your bright eyes. Age brings softness and wisdom … I'm struggling right along with you to accept and appreciate the changes. You are not alone.
I wanted to say "Amen, sister!" and then see that Lynn up above beat me to it. Beautifully put.
Hi Karen, I saw your beautiful shining brown hair blowing in the wind and pink cheeks! I've 'let' my hair go grey and am still shocked to see myself,because in my minds eye I still have dark brown hair. My father told me that I was a parasite when I was 17, and my mother told me I was worthless just 4 months ago. Sometimes life is just hard and all you have is yourself.jd
Karen, I was like you for many, many years, never satisfied. Thankfully, we've both decided to be happy with what we have. It took me much longer than you, but I have to say you're an inspiration to everyone who reads your blog, crosses your path.
xixi
Karen- What a great post- It is something we all struggle with as women. I think we don't really see our selves until we look at a photo and realize that the way we feel on the inside is NOT how we look on the outside. Good job posting today-and I think you are beautiful inside AND out! xo Diana
So well said, Karen…We really are way too hard on ourselves…my mother is still trying to lose weight at 92!!! What??? Those little demon voices nattering at us. You do have beauty both inside and out! Self love is still a work in progress here!
I think you look beautiful 🙂
so.very.true.
I think you look great – happy, healthy, wonderful hair and eyes. beautiful!
I was taken with your photo right away, you look young and vibrant. I carry around a lot of self doubt, but nothing like I did when I was younger. Wisdom comes with age and I'd like to think, our true beauty. Life is so much better if we aren't battling that negative inner voice.
XO,
Jane
Amen and I can certainly relate to everything you said. (and you said it beautifully, I might add)
Gorgeous photo! You go, girl!
Letting you know I'll probably be AWOL for a bit. Mike is back in the hospital, so we're going to be out of pocket until things get figured out, so my time on the computer will be limited.
Great post k !!! As a guy looks are so important to me as you gals but I do believe that in the end it's what we are inside morals,values, that will make a difference ! Oh and k you look great !
If I may take your definition of beauty…"kindness, compassion, caring ect" and add a few more…love of family,sincerity honesty,and a sense of humor that leaves me rolling on the floor sometimes!!–why,that would describe you perfectly.
Linda–Tn.
Your post couldn't have come at a better time. Earlier this week, I was going through my old photographs looking for ones of our dear friend who had died on Easter Sunday. I cried for how beautiful and young we were. At the time they were taken, I was always so down on myself (too fat, too not pretty, too not enough) and looking at them now, I cannot believe how beautiful we all really were. Years from now, pictures that I have of myself in which I think I'm fat or ugly, or full of wrinkles will leave me wondering why I ever thought that.
I think your photo is lovely. And yes, we're always going to be our own worse critics. So I am letting it go.
More Dove chocolate Easter bunny , anyone?
I hate seeing photos of myself. I do exactly what you describe. I know I'm not a troll, but there it is! Too chubby, too squinty, too everything.
I think you always take a good photo! You gorgeous thing!
i love this post and i love you for writing what you wrote….
you gave us all a kick to shake ourselves up and be appreciative of who and what we are !!
xo
We waste so much time, don't we? I do it too though, and it's time to STOP! 🙂 Very timely post, Karen 🙂
I see a very attractive woman–not overweight, wrinkled and no double chin! You look great! I must confess that I do the same thing! I was fine with myself when I was younger, but the years haven't been too kind! A few years ago I read artist Deanne Fitzpatrick write about "self acceptance" and it really resonated with me! So, I've really worked at self acceptance–I'm not young anymore, not so slim anymore, and yes I inherited my mother's propensity for a double chin! Maybe someday I'll get a little lipo-ex there–wouldn't bother me a bit–but no botox or face lift for me! Mainly, I just want to be healthy!
V
Yup, I look in the mirror at 66 year old me who has just survived two surgeries inside my head in 7 months, and is still upright,and alive and well, and I say "you go, girl".
to hell with all that negativity…….you only have one life to love yourself in.
and you got lots to love!!!
you go, girl.
Hey Girl! You look BEAUTIFUL! Remember that!!
Love Misquamicut!! I have a ton of pics of the girlz on that beach from our trip to CT last year!
OMG Karen you are beautiful.dont go huffing my compliament away but truly you are beauitful .I wish I looked a 10th of what you do instead of a chubby almost 50 sick women.I just said something about this on my blog recently that from now on who cares.10years ago I was around 160kilos (fat) had long long thick hair clear skinyeah it was good even though i was fat i was happy and felt like i had it all.Fast forward 10 years i have lost around 70kilos (which is around another person)I have bad skin my teeth have been a problem i have lost most of my hair it is now so thin …and how do I feel …Shit.thats the only word.So now i just say accept what you have because it cause be worse.Sorry for the raveings on -love deex The Old Fat Hen…name suits don't it-deexxx
Just a note from the hubby! Karen you get more beautiful each year we have been married!! xo
As a performer, there are so many {hideous} photos of me flying around that I have no control of. Most of us base our insides ( our private selves) to others refined, carefully crafted outsides. I have wrinkles, blemishes & double chins …..which makes me real. From the looks of these comments, you are in good company! (you are adorable btw, & the strongest woman in the smallest package I know!) 🙂
Karen
MY first thought when I saw the picture was "Well, if I looked that good I'd let someone take a picture of me by the beach too!" It's SO much easier to stay on the other side of the lens! Your healthy attitude and willingess to bring self rejection into the light has given me much to think about. Thanks for that!
Hard to believe you could be critical of that shot!!! Sheshhhh girl. Put your glasses on! You're beautiful! And that photo is perfect!!!
Bless your heart Karen. We are so hard on ourselves.