F*ck it.
Let me start off by expressing my utter disgust at my little self – I have been less than stellar in my weight loss journey this year. Oh, I’ve given it the old college try every now and again ( like, back in college, when I was young and fit and could drop ten pounds with a few extra sneezes) … but it’s been now… and again… ever since. My husband has lost 60 pounds since January… 60!!! SIX OH. He looks and feels fantastic. I’m so happy and jealous for him. What’s MY problem? FOOD. The general love of it, the preparing of it for others, STRESS. Having fibromyalgia doesn’t help matters either. When you hurt 24/7 and an hour of every single day is spent doing physical work out in the barn/coop/garden/yard shoveling sh*t among other things, it’s kinda hard to say… “Body? I know you just did all that for me and I thank you profusely for soldiering on despite the constant pain and ache while we together care for the 200 animals I insisted on taking in over the years. But.. can we just push it a little further? Like four miles on the treadmill? Let’s lift a few hundred more pounds, shall we?”
…. you know what Body says, right?
This had me laughing out loud…. ’cause you gotta keep your humor, hear me? –
To be clear, I’m not saying F*ck it to the diet or the exercise . No, we all need to keep doing that, even when it hurts. Use it or lose it, right? This is something different, and equally important…
We had some glorious weather this weekend and spent a good part of it down at the cottage once farm chores were done. Both sets of kids came and went as their schedules allowed and I love the time we all spend there.
On Saturday I watched as others swam, water skied, cruised in boats, on paddle boards, bobbled on and around giants floats – there are several in our cove neighborhood. It was hot. A great time to jump in the water. A great time to don a suit and just jump in. What did I do?….
I stuck my feet in the water off our cement dock pad and wished I hadn’t been such a slouch this spring in the eating and exercise department.
Sunday.. another glorious day… THIS TIME… I took a good look around, saw (damn it) the neighbors were all in attendance and entertaining guests, even(of course!) And I thought of how foolish I’ve been. I’m 52 years old, damn lucky to be here. I’m 20 lbs overweight and I don’t look as good as I used to in a suit. WHO CARES. WHO… CARES. And if someone does care? It’s their problem. I’ve got enough of my own.
My son was sitting in my kitchen the other day and I did the standard complaint – He said Mom, you say that all the time, you’ve been saying it for years. “Jeez, I’m so fat, that’s it, I’m gonna diet starting right now”. Stop the complaining, mom, just do it. He’s right! I don’t want to be the complainer. I want to be the doer. Change only comes if you change what you’re doing.
So… Sunday,… to start… I said F*ck it. I went inside and put on that suit and marched right back out, head held high,soaked up a few rays before slipping into that cool blue water. The kids joined me and it was SO refreshing. – the water, the letting go, the moving on. I’m not abandoning my health goals – some weight loss, more exercise, better eating habits. But I’m done beating myself up and missing out on some of the real pleasures in life, like enjoying the water on a hot summer day.
What.. you thought I’d give you the full body shot? Not.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch… I made a BIG decision and it feels right.
Till soon, friends –
