Tag: life

I want to be your friend…

   A friend shared this on her FB and Instagram yesterday… and it struck a certain cord with me.

   When I was a young person I never though of myself as attractive. I was a brunette olive skinned  green eyed athletic kind friendly generous warm 120 lb. person, but I thought I was ugly.    There are very few photos of me smiling because I thought I had an unattractive smile… so I didn’t.  I was not the popular  blonde blue eyed girl dressed in designer clothes and pumps in HS, and we’re programmed by peers and society that those things are important, so I believed.  I tried not to stand out.. .just let me blend in, and that’s what I did.  I had trouble focusing on any subjects in HS and college that I wasn’t interested in and I was busy being “busy” with the things that did intrigue me- like horses, animals, time spent with the boyfriend and g-friends, and a few subjects like English, writing, music (band) that I enjoyed.   So I didn’t think I was particularly smart either.  My experiences since have shown me my truths, but that was then, this is now.  How we talk to ourselves, never mind how others talk to us… our self talk is so very important.  Keeping it positive is key to our well being and we are the only ones in control of that conversation.

   I strongly believe that the relationship a girl has with her father shapes an important part of what she believes of herself , too- and while my father wasn’t evil in any way, his narcissism didn’t make room for him to nurture others, so my sister and I did not have that important corner built into our foundation.   I think what I love most about my husband is that he is such a caring, devoted father – with just enough tough and a whole lot of love for our children.  I see how it helps them believe in themselves and I hope in my efforts as a mother I did the same.

    It took me many years and a lot of living, some big mistakes, some therapy even, and  some caring people, good role models in my life , like my mother,  to get to this place I am now.  I really really like who I am, who I have become. I’m no dope, I’m a decent mom, a good friend,  I’m generous where I can be, and I put in more at work than I’m asked. Heck – even at the age of 53 with 25 extra pounds, wrinkles, age spots, grey hair, tired eyes –  I like the person I see in the mirror. A lot.   The old part of me that is still me thinks what I just typed sounds conceited – don’t I see the fat? the short legs? the small breasts? the imperfect skin? .  The wiser me knows I’ve earned every piece of me and it’s all a beautiful gift.  That’s true of you, too, and I say it’s time to believe.

   So I read that statement up there at the top yesterday and I said .. Yes.  Exactly.  What am I waiting for? Why the hold up?    I’ve been fighting with the same 25 lbs. for years now –    When you’re 5’4, 25 lbs is a lot of extra weight to lug around.  I’ve taken some off, then put it back on. Then took some more off, then put it back on.  I tried the big diets, the little changes. They work and then I fail to follow them.   Food is my stress reliever, I don’t drink much or smoke, etc.  I do work out, but I don’t love it, I’m no gym rat.  Hence – those 25 lbs.   But I have a few health issues, High BP and fibromyalgia, that really demand I take better care of myself.   I woke up this morning – read that statement up there one more time, and said this is it.  Today is the day I figure this out and stick to the plan.  Of course I’ve said that 1,000 times before.  That doesn’t mean this time it won’t work. That’s defeatism and I’m not about defeat.   My life and it’s quality depends on it.  The fibromyalgia tells me daily to pay attention to what I’m putting in my mouth, to keep moving. I walk, muck stalls, garden, kayak, light weight train. That’ what I enjoy, so that’s what I’ll stick with.

   The other pact I’m going to make with myself is to stop following the news daily –  In my opinion, the asshat we currently have in office doesn’t deserve my peace of mind, I will not pay for his ignorance and those of his ilk.  I do feel humankind will be the cause of it’s own demise, but I can’t change humankind. I can only do good in the place I reside right here, right now and hope it has some ripple effect.   The pebbles tossed in the ocean, you know.   I’m also putting the iphone down – not lugging it around everywhere I go – it’s an awful habit I’ve gotten into, almost like pavlov’s dog.

Enough.   Are you with me?  I kinda love me, do you love you?  Feel free to share in the comments below the habits you choose to take care of you, and even what you love about yourself, I want to hear it.  –  There are plenty of excuses any of us can find and hold on to –  If you’ve been stalling, like me… we aren’t a fail, we’re a new jump start.   Ready?   Let’s do it….. and for Heaven’s sake – smile. Every chance you get.

  

Vitamin Sea

    
    If your head isn’t spinning yet from all the vitriol and ridiculousness and continuing bullshittery that is our current situation in these Un-United States (how did we get to this – I’ll say it one more time, We Are Better Than This… oh please let us find our way to a better place, and soon, all of us)…..  then you come from some sturdy stock.   My fibromyalgia has been in flare in recent weeks and I’m pretty sure it’s because I’m getting far too worked up over things I cannot change. Truly I need to just set it down and walk away from it –  we’ve all heard the serenity prayer, right?… 
  This version even better – 
   Fat chance unknotting knickers, but.. baby steps.  So this weekend we made a concerted effort to stay the hell away from the headlines and just enjoy what’s around us –  here on the farm, down at the cottage and a little lunch date excursion to the seaside town of Stonington, CT –    Staying off topic is no easy feat, as the Mr. and I are polar opposites on the political spectrum.  Not in all things, but Tr*mp and his rhetoric make the differences seem as wide as the Grand Canyon’s divides. 
Anyway!…  The Dog Watch Cafe – I’ve written about it before – if you’re in CT or driving through – it’s a lovely waterfront cafe run and staffed by friendly people with a delicious menu.  Best fish & chips we’ve ever had, but there’s so much more to their fare.  Have you ever heard of short rib and onion stuffed ravioli?  Me either – and it was delish!   And just look at all those flowers…. 

  New to me – these paint splattered petunias. Not sure what their real name is but they’re beautiful –

 The town itself is lovely – all sea captains homes, lovely cottages, row houses, and some old  huge homes and buildings made into condo complexes that are just gorgeous… 
  The peach roses and purple clematis at this cottage were stunning – the picture doesn’t do them justice. 

 Note the Little Free Library on the bottom right of this photo… there were several around town, a concept  I absolutely love.  Reinforces what is good in people.  Encourages reading, knowledge, kindness. 

This brick building with slate roof is much larger than it looks in this picture, stretching down to the water behind it, converted into beautiful condos (OMG the prices though) .  Click HERE for a listing available right now…

    Below is the Cavalry Church, built in the 1800’s.  I’m not religious – but in doing a little research on the impressive stone building, I came across their message – This is the type of message I think all religions and worshippers should embody.  Unfortunately it’s not always the case.


Welcome to Calvary Church, Stonington–we hope you will come visit us in our “Church by the Sea.”   We are a caring community of faith seeking to share the love of God in our life together with one another, and in our support and care for those in need in the world around us.  All are welcome here. Calvary is made up of members young and old, with many new to this community of faith–“whoever you are, from wherever you have come, you are welcome here.” 

  We found a little seaside park that is also a preserve with walking paths and benches.  They’ve installed some beautiful native flowers, bird and butterfly habitats – this split rail fence adorned with some beautiful vine art by a neighbor of the preserve  – the vine pattern goes for at least 10 lengths of fence. 

   Mom had a visit from three of her long time friends – I call them The Golden Girls. Their long standing friendship of many years  and their kindnesses to each other and our family is inspirational.   Here they are, visiting Stella by the Sea – and I’m so grateful they got to “sea” her.   Her doors are always open should they decide to stay for a spell. 
  It’s a glorious morning here on the farm – this photo taken an hour ago as the sun rose.  The three amigos, all getting on in years, living a good retirement life. I wish the same for all of us. 
    Miss Sally, one of my two southern rescue Georgia peaches, is learning to like our rides in the Jeep when we go to the cottage.  As long as I let her stand on the arm rest where she can lean in  and drool all over my shoulder,  she’s learned that every little thing is gonna be OK.  Sometimes  if we’re paying attention, we can learn a thing or two from our animals, don’t ya know.  This isn’t lost on me… 
   
Have a good day, all – and thank you for stopping by. 

The One Without A Post Title…

 .. because sometimes it just doesn’t come to you. And this one’s a real rambler – Got coffee? 
    We had a wonderful Father’s Day down at the cottage.  My guy hardly ever takes a day off. His work ethic is why we have the nice things we have, but as I say often and more frequently lately…. what good is all that hard work/effort if you don’t get to enjoy it?    I’m happy to report the Mr. spent most of the day relaxing at the shore, a much needed reprieve and reward for the most dedicated and loving father I could have ever asked for for  my children. 
When we pull around that corner onto our cottage road, it’s like taking a deep cleansing breath.  
     Last week I painted the steps that go down into the water.  Throughout the summer they get coated with algae, etc. and become very slippery.  I scrubbed them with baking soda and that helped, but it had to be done regularly and it was just one more thing to do.  A neighbor a few cottages down used boat bottom paint with sand mixed in to paint his steps. The result is a sandpapery surface, non-slip.  So, I bought a gallon of the stuff – ($150!!??) and painted the steps – the blue is a bit outlandish – but there aren’t many choices in boat bottom paint colors.  It works like a charm. 
    Then.. on Sunday my son blew up the inflatable four person raft and I am proud to report I dropped my first anchor –  yes I did. I waded out there with anchor, chain, float thing and ropes, sunk it good in the muck… kicked another anchor in the process… ick…. (the cove is an anchor graveyard) … and we proceeded to pop the float as we pulled it over the cedar railing.  *sigh.  Stuck some tape on it…. and tested it out… 

    The tape held and I went back out there yesterday with a pool patch kit – hopefully that will be that. I’ll keep you posted. 
   As for my own father on Father’s Day – my sister came to visit and took him out to lunch, so I was relieved of duty and yes, that sounds as awful to me as it probably does to you.   I’ll stop by today with his gift, and bring him anything he needs.  It will always feel like a chore in some ways, and that’s not an easy truth for me to admit, but it is what it is.  He is not an evil person in any way – he’s just devoid of the type of normal emotions or actions or whatever it is I’m searching for  that one would want to have with a parent.  If you look up the term narcissist, that’ him in a nutshell.   Being a devoted daughter to a narcissist father is something I don’t describe well and it doesn’t come naturally,  in fact I’m still coming to terms with the feelings that accompany it but at least there is far less anger now.  That’s good for my own health, never mind his. 
   So, on Father’s Day I reveled in time spent with my guy and our children and my mom – whom has in some ways been both parents for my sister and I and grandparent to my children. 
 Let me just put some high praise here for her mean, clean, refreshing, rejuvenating summer elixir of a gin and tonic… 

     On the better health front… I continue the light weight training, walking, kayaking, and attempts at better food choices.  I say “attempts” because I still cheat with pizza or a cupcake but I’m getting better at it, dropping some weight and toning up.   Don’t ever give in just because you’re not perfect.  No one is perfect, no one gets it’s right 100 percent of the time.  FUCK PERFECT – am I clear?   I’m going to share with you a photo of my 61 year old friend, a personal trainer who is brutally honest in her own trials and tribulations and I think she gets it absolutely right on aging well and being kind to yourself – and NEVER GIVING UP. 
 Yep – this is  Joey at 61, pretty amazing – not claiming perfection, not a care free life – she’s had her share of  woes and  tended agining and ill parents , raised three kids and mended a sick  child and husband and worries about finances and health  and suffers injuries and and and… … 
  Her words on a recent FB post –    “Coming up on the end of my 61st year (for those not in the know, your birthday makes the end of a year not the beginning) meaning I’ll be 61 but in my 62nd year of life. I continue to persist in the fight against aging with the biggest tool in the box – strength training. Add a few short cardio bursts and a restorative class like stretch or yoga each week and you’ve done your best. Never give up!”  Another Joey gem –   “I think people get unhappy with progress and give up, but it’s a disservice to their future health and mobility, hence deterioration.  KEEP MOVING. 
     
  So yeah.. we can all find excuses.  And sometimes – especially with fibromyalgia pain! … it just doesn’t feel awesome to keep moving – but we must. Life and the effort we have to put into it is worth every extra step taken –  Just do it.  


      Have a good week, all – sharing a NOT GOOD FOR YOU pie recipe, because hey I already told you I ain’t shooting for perfection and what says Summer is Coming 💦🍈 better than a Lemonade Pie, I ask you…. 
*not my picture or recipe – recipe link below… 
         Lemonade Pie


Have a good week, all –  




Little Gems with big impact

    With summer just around the corner, gardening on the farm and that little bit I do at the cottage by the sea is in full swing. 






    Mowing happens weekly,  weeding happens almost daily – and here’s what I discovered about that… It’s much easier to take a four prong rake and simply claw through the soil in a garden regularly than bend over and hand pick out weeds now and then.  I suck at the hand picking, because I get lazy about it and it gets, well.. out of hand.  The frequent raking is so much easier.  And the plants love the “aired out” soil.  



      As I do that little chore I remember how I learned this simple technique –  wise words of an old farmer friend, Louie.  He was a master gardener, and he kept his secrets close to the vest.  Now and then he’d toss us a gem. One of those was… “you like to breathe, don’t you?  Well… so do the plants.”  79 year old Louie passed years ago, suddenly, out in his garden.  A sad day. A post on the old gardener, HERE.  



   Living on a farm, but not having grown up on one… takes work,  mistakes happen, and a readjustment of the sails is needed, frequently.   We’ve had a small horse farm for 30 years – but only for the last 8 have we lived here at This Old House among fields of hay.  It had pretty much gone to the weeds when we acquired the property – How many of you knew that growing hay isn’t as simple as letting the grass get really really long and then cutting it?  (we didn’t).  Indeed.. there is a whole science to growing good feed hay and even mulch hay or cow feed hay (which has different requirements than horse hay)  – from the type of seed you plant, to the ridding of unwanted and even toxic weeds, to the amount of sun and rain available that season, to the number of DRY days strung together so you can cut it at the right time, toss it, let it dry, toss it again, and get it baled up and off the fields before the rain comes.  Then there’s the baling or rolling. 

   We’ve just started our first cutting – a little late due to the number of rainy and cold  days we’ve had.  What we notice this year is we added in too much clover in a few sections of some of the fields…   Clover molds up easily in hay bales – and mold in a hay bale means you throw it out instead of feeding it.  Cows and their multiple stomachs have more tolerance for crap hay than horses do, but with horses you don’t want colic (bad stomach ache that can turn deadly) … so you throw out any bales that are iffy.  That costs money. 




    You learn as you grow. 

    Speaking of learning – on the better health front, I’ve discovered having lived with fibromyalgia for a while now, two things are very important to anyone living with chronic pain.  

     First – despite the pain you feel daily,  KEEP MOVING. Unless of course you’re actually injuring yourself more. (your doctor can direct you)   It really does help you feel better and keeps you mobile.  My cousin has a severe form of arthritis, has since he was very young.  He gets regular IV infusions of a strong drug that helps him keep going.  And keep going he does –  having just completed a 70 mile mountain bike ride.  He is my hero.   As for me, I’ve been light weight training out in the gym, hiking with the dogs, kayaking occasionally and walking/running on the tread mill when the hiking is hindered by weather or heat.   
     
     Secondly –  what you put in your mouth matters.   Besides the increased exercise I’ve also been trying to eat better – I know after several attempts over the years to conform to certain diets,  I’m just not gonna stick to it.  What I can do is be more conscientious about what I put in my mouth.  It really and truly is all about what you put in your mouth.  The icing is the exercise but it all starts with consumption. 



  Something else I feel very strongly about –  A good way to bring more joy to your own life, to feel a sense of accomplishment,  for better mental health and a connection to your community, a connection to people in general, and a way to focus on the positive aspects of life instead of being dragged down into the swamp muck that also exists –  is to be a part of the good works going on out there.  Volunteer in whatever  capacity you are able – don’t ever doubt that even the smallest outreaches have value.  Every drop in the ocean contributes to that ocean. 

    I was recently the recipient of the Melvin Jones Fellow Award given by the Lions Club International in our community for my humanitarian contributions in our little town.   What an inspirational evening it was, with my family in attendance.  To be among like minded people who are so giving of themselves, so caring and motivated to make change for the better in our community and in society itself is uplifting.  It makes the other not so pleasant “stuff” of life seem not so imposing, looming, dooming.   This doesn’t mean you have to commit to joining a club, either –  I am not a Lion.   


    Some easy ideas – Got grain bags? Collect the discarded ones and give them to someone who recycles them into tote bags. Recycling is an awesome thing to do for our environment.  Got stuff you don’t need or wear anymore?  Give to the local Salvation Army or Good Will.  Volunteer at the local dog shelter once a week – walk a dog, get in your exercise- win win.  Love books?  Got a volunteer local library?  Take a shift.  Donate Blood.  Like to knit?  Make hats for the homeless, make lap blankets for those who live in a local nursing home.  Bake for the church events, the fire house events.  Join the walks at the Relay for Life events held around the nation.   It’s awesome if you’re financially well off enough that you can give monetary donations to causes you believe in, but that doesn’t have to be the case.  Your time, your caring contributions are just as valuable. 




  When I saw this picture after the event I said – Jeez, Karen – go get a haircut. And so I did. 


 Side note:   The sharing of these pics is not intended to imply that I believe I’m – all that- in any way.  But I have learned to appreciate all that is good about me, instead of the laser focus I used to have on all that is not perfect.  What a perfect waste of time.  If you’re doing that to you, stop the nonsense.   Take stock of your strengths and nourish them. Encourage the art of looking for the good, in you and in others.  The ripple effect, ya know – that drop in the ocean?  yeah. 





  So about that hair cut – Another tip that was passed along to me and I’ll share with you.  I’m not one to fuss a heck of a lot with the aging experience or make up and hair.  I’m hoping like everyone else that  I stick around for along while and age gracefully and naturally.  I love LOOONG hair, but for most of us it’s not particularly flattering to just let it grow out and hang there, drab and without decent shape.  That ages us.  I’m lazy about going to the hairdresser, admittedly.  There’s no doubt, though, when I get in there and tell them to lift me up, indeed they do.   So take care of yourself in the little ways that help us appreciate who we are and what we have.  It matters. 



  A shout out to my niece, who graduated from Uconn… and landed a job in their finance department!  Yesterday the family gathered at The Mansion at Bald Hill in Woodstock, CT to celebrate her accomplishment and future success – 


 




 



    

Thanks for stopping by – 





On Being Religious, Or Not

    A friend once told me she wasn’t religious, even though she is prolific in her sharing of the Word of God and pretty quick to judge others who don’t live by “The Good Book”.  Well, a general description of the word “religious” is as follows: relating to or manifesting faithful devotion to an acknowledged ultimate reality or deity.    I’m thinking she qualifies… not that there’s anything wrong with that,  but it was a perplexing answer.  When I asked another how she came to be of such strong faith, she simply replied – I have to believe there is something better than this.  Well that’s just sad, never mind perplexing. 
      The whole subject of religion is perplexing, I’ve always been curious as to it’s origins, why so many people can have  blind faith in something or someone they’ve never technically seen or heard.  But even that sentence is tricky.   I am not a religious person, so who am I to say what your interpretation of communication with  God might be?   Indeed, it’s a very personal experience or belief.  We can’t ever know for sure whether there was a divine intervention in any particular situation, and so we are left to interpret in the many ways it’s possible with an event, a story,  a feeling, an intuition, a healing or a damning, even.

      It’s absolutely true that  religion brings peace of mind and comfort to those who find respite and joy in their faith, in their shared beliefs with fellow worshippers.  It gives many a sense of community, a belonging.  There is comfort and safety in a belief that there is something greater than us that created and loves us, that is watching over us and will guide us now and when we leave this world one day, as we all do, and hopefully – join another, free of pain and suffering if we earned it.  Religion  has often given order and moral code where there wasn’t any and for some it  gives meaning or attempts to make sense of what is sometimes a senseless world.

    If I’m being completely honest, when my daughter was in a coma years ago,  despite my non-religious status, I visited the hospital chapel daily – knelt before the altar and prayed.. and prayed.. and prayed, that my child up in that ICU hospital bed be saved, be healed, recover. I also complained – why do this to such a good, young, caring soul?  Why?  I was mad, I was scared, I was begging just in case there is indeed someone listening.  What eventually happened was – my daughter recovered.  Was it an answering of my prayers? Or good medical care and her own young body’s healing ability?  Maybe both?  We just can’t know.

     Religion has it’s dark side too, of course.  There are those who abuse their power because they are a representative of the deity and are adored and obeyed by trusting followers. There are those who justify hideous actions in the name of their  God. There are those who use their followers adoration and devotion for profit.  Look at the mega churches and the mega mansions they live in.  What comes to mind when I see those particulars is… think of all the good that money could have done, instead of these massive shrines and mega mansion lifestyles.  Not. very. charitable. A bit hypocritical! Sleezy even.  We all know how terr*rists use their religion as an excuse or justification to do some horrible things.

     There are approximately 4,200 religions in our World,  and that number astounds me.  Some share the same basic theories for the most part, others are a different concept all together.  If you believe absolutely in just one – then all 4, 199 of the others are just plain wrong?.. doesn’t seem right.    For me, I’ve had no trouble believing in evolution.  It’s proven, how we evolved, beyond a shadow of a scientific doubt.  But even with that belief, the concept of the human spirit, the conscience, the soul – has not been explained – and it is truly a miraculous thing, I can’t deny it.  Sometimes I wish I truly whole heartedly believed that when we die,  those who are worthy ( Well, now there’s another issue – what determines worthiness?  Church attendance?  Good deeds?  Confessional attendance? Donations? Kindness and charity?  )  are united with those we loved  who have passed before us, and go on to a heaven to be at peace with those we love and our creator in a pain-free other existence.  The hard parts of life would be easier if I had that belief, for sure.  But the reality of science and just this feeling that we need to make the most of this life is a bold thread that runs through the fabric of my belief system.   I try to do just that, knowing that we simply don’t know for sure what comes at the end of mortal life, regardless of our chosen beliefs.

    Here’s where the concept of  religion bothers me. I was raised a Catholic, but I don’t practice that religion.  I found it to be a bit hypocritical on several fronts and so I choose something different that I’ll describe below.  I read a very popular blog, and what initially attracted me to it is the incredible journey of a  young woman who was severely burned in a plane crash, a small plane her husband had been piloting. An instructor friend died in that crash.  Her story of survival and how she has moved on to raise her (now 5) children is powerful. I mention this now because she is a very devout M*rmon and it’s a strong theme throughout her blog. In her writing, one can’t help but get the sense that the M*rmon faith is more of a cult than anything else.  Much is demanded of it’s followers.  Some very big changes have occurred in the family’s life in recent years and she repeatedly refers to decisions they’ve made as having been sent by God.  I went for a walk and God told me selling this house and moving to the ranch was the right thing to do.    They did… and eight months later they are moving again, because even their readers could see it was a big mistake from the beginning for so many reasons.  When things like this occur,   it’s described  as a test God must have planned and they had to endure, they learned so much, it was part of the plan.    I don’t know… how about… you made some poor choices,  you learned from it, you’re moving on.  Did God really speak to her and tell her to sell the beloved family home and move to an isolated ranch in literally  the middle of nowhere where her kids wouldn’t see other humans for days on end, leaving all they knew and loved behind?  Did he send a note or was his voice in the air or coming from behind a burning bush on that walk?

    I know that sounds harsh – I’m not making fun of her, here  – I believe what she wrote is what she believes happened, however she interpreted the “message”.  But for a person like me, that’s not living in reality.   Through her writing it’s also clear that M*rmons believe only through their way of worship can you live a good and proper life.  Her husband once implied (in different words) in an article written for a local paper that a single mom and child was not a real family.   The M*rmon church seems to  have a lot of demands of their members, and are not warm to the outside.   That attitude is  probably true of many religions, to be fair.. and I have never practiced it, I don’t know all there is to know about being a M*rmon.  But I don’t find it to be very charitable – and isn’t that what religion is supposed to be made of  most of the time?   One more example…  M*rmon worshippers are segregated into wards. Districts, if I understand correctly.  If you are a M*rmon you are assigned to a ward, and you are expected to go to that temple, even if there is one a heck of a lot closer to your home that you would prefer.  If you weren’t assigned to that closer temple – you’re not supposed to go there.  The members will let you know that you are not welcome if you start to make it a habit. Stay in your Ward.   Again – not .. very.. charitable.  So much of organized religion is about control.

  There are those who say our current President brought God back into the White House.  Well.. if the reason behind that  thinking is because he now claims to be pro-life, anti-abortion – Let it be known that  until he decided to run on the Republican ticket, he was pro-choice for 69 years.  The flip was just another tool, another lie he used to get to where he is. He knew what his base wanted to hear.   If all his lies since election day, if his three marriages and many affairs and pussy grabbing lingo and mega-ego aren’t enough of an indication that God did not send D.Tr*mp to the White House,  well I’m stumped as to how that conclusion was drawn. Enough said on that subject.

    Then there is my friend, Vicky – who endures living with Stage 4 Breast Cancer.  Her faith is unwavering, and she finds much courage and strength in her beliefs. I find her references to her beliefs uplifting, encouraging.   It gets her through some very hard things, some very difficult days and nights – there’s no denying the power of prayer and a strong faith that brings much to her life, and many others.  She’s still here, longer than was expected.. and I do believe her faith has something to do with that.  I hope with all my heart she eventually resides in the Heaven she so deserves and we all hope for.

    So where does that leave me?  I call myself a spiritual person, and even that description has different interpretations.   For me it means I live and feel connected to and am responsible for the care and keeping of  myself, my people and  the natural world.  I feel connected to all people of this world  and I try to leave things better than I found them.  I exercise kindness to others and charity where I can afford to give it.  I don’t always get it right, but I right the wrongs and move forward.  If there is a God, hopefully he is not as impressed with  weekly pew sitters, some of whom live hypocritically once they leave the church on Sunday, as he is with those out there doing what they can where they can for the betterment of this world.   Hopefully there is a heaven where I may some day be reunited with all those I’ve loved, family, friends and animals.  And if there is not, I’m doing the best I can where I am now, here among the living.

   I know this is a difficult  and sometimes offensive subject because there are so many beliefs and they are often strongly held.  I welcome your views, similar or differing,   if you would like to join in the conversation.  Respectful conversation and an open mind, especially when opinions differ, are how we learn and grow, so I will always encourage the practice.  The above is just my opinion and how I choose to live and share my life.  By no means do I think I have all the answers.

Thank you for stopping by –

     

Spring on the farm and a Happy Mother’s Day to all –

     This is truly the most glorious time of the year for farms, even a small one like ours. Fresh green grass in the hay fields, blooms on the fruit trees and ornamentals, the garden plants beginning to grow, perennials have made their reappearance and even multiplied, even the animals demeanor is uplifted.  This particular Spring season took it’s sweet time arriving, but here she is in all her glory – 

 The beginnings of a Kale crop, below… 

Dragon Tongue Bean plants in abundance, hooray!
These beans are a very tasty string bean, and
very attractive too, yellow and purple striped.   

My son’s patch out in one of the fields – 
Pumpkins and melons 
  These zinnia seeds were planted  in a long double row 
on the edge of my vegetable garden this morning after horse  and chicken feeding – 
we’ve got rain on the horizon. 
A gift from Hilary 💓

The only  tulip that bloomed this year, out of at least 50 originals. 
Damned voles and grubs. 
This is the look I get from the girls if I take too long
opening their coopyard door… 

So they can do this…. Bug hunting

My glorious, most treasured ancient pear tree… 
half hollow,  with lost limbs in the recent
ice storm –  Still Standing. 

  The behind-the-porch-lantern Purple finch babies… 

Two days later – 

Now – an empty nest. 
Speaking of Empty Nests…. 
Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms out there – 
Being a mother is truly my most treasured role in life.
I feel blessed every single day to have 
my two children, both of whom I am so very proud of 
for so many reasons. 
AND…
for my mom, who is truly my best friend in life.
Who Woulda Thunk it… back in the days of
my mouthy teen aged self. 
AND… for my aunt, who gave me a huge opportunity
to move to and reside in this part of the world
where I was eventually able to make my dreams come true.
And.. for my sister, who not only raised her own daughter
to be a smart and fearless young woman – 
New Uconn Graduate! Hooray S!
… but raised someone else’s three children as well. 
And.. for my mother in law –
a genuine, generous person to all. 
 AND.. for my children’s significant others, also a blessing, 
a second set of children.  I’m grateful to feel that too. 
And.. how could I leave these guys out?  
They complete my world, for sure. 

What would Regis Do?

   I was  in the gym two days ago bitching to myself about how I had slacked off on my better health goals this winter, how I had not lost the extra weight yet, how I could be in better shape than this if I had more will power when it comes to food, blah blah blah….  and then in that very  same moment of bitching and self anger I heard some news from a good friend that spun me around real quick 💔.  Someone I worked with years ago at Unilever,  a woman who had known  real hardship but was a friend to everyone, regardless, who was always upbeat and had a wicked laugh that would make you  instantly laugh along with her despite any struggles she had – died suddenly, too young.  How I will miss her straight forward, no nonsense  political banter  and hearty zest for friendships and life.  I am so mad I didn’t visit with her last time she was in town, or the time before that. 


   Sometimes in those hard places in life, besides the pain of the loss, we are reminded of what really matters.  As I sat on the weight bench beating myself up over yet another thing – I thought of Regis’s outlook on life and  I knew what our departed friend would say  –   LIFE IS SHORT. Every minute of every day is a new opportunity to get it right. Let go of the baggage and any negativity. Embrace the gift of life and don’t waste any more time on anything or anyone that will bring you down. Rise up and live your best life, in all the little and big ways that have the most meaning to you. And, finally- those you love? Tell them. Tell them today.

  I had a good cry, shared a few conversations of disbelief with other friends of Regis, and set myself back on track with my health goals, right then and there.  Indeed – each minute of each day a new opportunity to get it right, and to appreciate all that is good. 


  
Rest in Peace, Regis – 
If there is a Heaven, 
you are certainly in it bringing them
all up to speed on current events
with a big dose of humor thrown in. 
Chris and Jeter, of course, by your side. 

Glorious Day!

    Glorious morning turned to a glorious day! – even the chickens were excited when I turned them out for a few hours while doing barn chores.  Bugs everywhere ! – a chickens dream come true. 
    It feels so darn good to  MOW THE LAWN again!  I wasn’t sure mother nature was ever gonna let that happen , like.. ever.. again!  I don’t mow the lawn here at the farm – it’s acres worth so I leave that up to the menfolk.  But Stella – well, her little postage stamp grass plot is totally doable – even with a manual push mower – you remember those, don’t ya?  I get a lot of satisfaction out of that little chore, believe it or not.  
    Once the water is turned on for the season (any day now) we’ll spend more time down there giving her a thorough Spring Cleaning and some repair work to the cement dock/launch pad. 
  I did this again too – 
I actually felt guilty sitting down at waters edge for no more than 15 minutes, knowing I had chores waiting for me here at home – how silly is that?  Truly – we all need to grant ourselves permission to stop and smell the roses – for more than 15 seconds. The recharge is necessary for our well being, our sanity.  Why all the effort if we can’t relax and enjoy the fruits of our labor?  Does it sound like I’m trying to convince myself here? Yep and yep again.  
I discovered there are now FOUR eggs in the porch nest at the cottage – and they are Robin eggs, not a catbird.  Momma Robin was there today very annoyed with the racket I was making. 
Meanwhile, back at the farm – this picture taken just minutes ago of the Purple Finch babies in the nest behind the lantern porch outside my office door.  Can you believe the difference in just a few days?  Birds are amazing for so many reasons. 
   Do you like to cook?  I  ordered this cookbook on Amazon, have already made three recipes out of it, and it is my favorite already.  This is gooood home cooking from scratch but not too complicated.. absolutely delicious, fresh food.  I am not paid to say anything on my blog, no ads here, just honest recommendation when I find something I love. 
  So far, the Parker House Rolls (so damned good they oughta be illegal – you know, that buttery, crusty, salty combination of a good roll that melts in your mouth – so good it’s bad! ) , Beef Chili and Chicken Cacciatore are divine! Delish!  Picky Husband approved!  And there is everything in this book, from apps to soups to salads, dinners, desserts and even drinks…

Some moon shots I took the other night – still learning some of the more technical settings that would require manual reading – bleh, not a strong suit of mine,  map reading, ditto – thank the lord for Nav in the car.  …. .
   Today – My husband just returning home from a long day of work, and this is what I saw  –   
   Apparently sometimes those last 30 steps to the house are just too much…. 

    So go… sit for a spell – somewhere that brings you peace of mind.  Someplace that lets you breathe deep and exhale slowly. Thank the powers that be and your own power – for all that is good. Don’t forget to record the moment and  take a selfie without worry of no-makeup and unbrushed hair and wrinkles and fat rolls  .. and.. and.  Because we’re just so damned lucky to be alive and relatively well.  That’s the cake –  The rest is icing. 
     

Till soon – 
  

A Sense of Place

   According to wikipedia, that term has several meanings, a sense of place.  I relate it to a feeling of belonging, of being comfortable, contented where you are.  While I enjoyed my childhood neighborhood and Staten Island upbringing, I knew from a young age it was not where I was meant to settle. As soon as I was old enough, I hightailed it to where I wanted my roots to take hold… in a more rural setting.   The rub in the want for “rural” is that I also couldn’t imagine being too far away from the water.  I had family in Connecticut I could live with temporarily so I was very fortunate to land in a good mix of  a country setting near shore life.  34 years later, I’m still here… just a half mile down the same road from where  I came in for a landing all those years ago.  I’ve had no regrets. 
   
   I loved reading your comments yesterday, learning a little about you and where you’re from, where you find your sense of place, and in a few cases, where you long to be.  It’s clear in many of your answers, you have also found your sense of place, in some instances right where you’ve been all along.  It’s a good feeling, a settled feeling, one that helps balance out all the other aspects of a life. 
   I also find my sense of place in the act of caring, always have.  It started with my childhood pets, then an abandoned race horse I adopted and brought with me to CT… Every nickel I could rub together with another back then went to the care and comfort of my horse and gas in my car, let me tell ya.  Wasn’t the most sensible thing to do but I managed alright regardless.   
   Shortly after, we started our family, my husband grew his business and we built a small horse farm – and I’ve been tending family and farm needs ever since, sprinkled with part time jobs and volunteer work, a short stint as an Artisan store owner, and 7 years as editor of our  small local news source. I am forever grateful that I was able to raise my children as a stay at home mom.   It occurs to me that I could have done more with myself  by other people’s standards.  I haven’t closed the door on that possibility yet – although being 3/4 deaf makes a few things much more difficult. But what I have been doing, what I do now… well, I feel at home, I feel I’m where I’m supposed to be,  I feel productive – and that’s a gift, a real blessing I  appreciate whole heartedly, will not allow myself to undervalue or overlook.  I’m wishing you the same.

   This morning I was reminded of all this as  I worked my way through morning chores – Cloud, our rabbit who lives next to the Chickens got a freshly raked yard and was thrilled to be out in it after yesterday’s rain.  

 

 Old Max, Below – now 32 years old!… got a good shedding out, too. 
Owned by a friend, he has been here with us for 7 years now. 
He can no longer chew hay, his teeth ground down to almost nothing. 
He gives it the old college try but it inevitably ends up 
clumped around him, so we pump him up with three different grains and
grass out in the fields, which sustains the old boy pretty well. 
   The side porch that we all use most of the time to come and go from has an interesting new development.  See the trellis with gate? It’s covered in New Dawn roses now, just a beautiful sight when it blooms.  Robins are not the smartest of birds, I’ve concluded over the years.  We often find Robin nests in less than desirable places, clearly they are confused by their Sense of place.. or lack thereof.   A pair are currently building a nest right in the busy traffic lane here at This Old House.   
They are undeterred by our comings and goings from the gate in the center of the trellis, inches from their nest.  I’ll keep you posted on their.. tenacity? Stubbornness?  Stupidity, but that’s such an unkind word.  

 

   Meanwhile, just a few feet from my desk out the window here on the front porch – the purple finch babies behind the lantern  have hatched!

Speaking of birds and nests, the girlchild is coming home to our nest tonight
to have dinner with the ‘rents.  I love when that happens. 
I’ve got that Mountain Dew (Sprite) cake 
on the counter just waiting, because Mama Bird I will always be. 
Till soon, friends – 
Thank you for stopping by 🙂 

Harry’s Farewell Party

     The Mr. and I went to a wake last night in his childhood hometown. The services were for a well known and loved man who had run a bakery for many years there with his entire family.  One of the most generous men you’d ever be lucky to meet – Harry would feed the homeless out the back door of his bakery, lend money to friends he’d never see returned, give you the shirt off his back if you needed it.  The line was down the block and although it was a freezing cold day with winds whipping off New Haven Harbor, there was so much -warmth- among the people in attendance.  Part of that was because of Harry himself, he brought people together by nature and he was always up for a party. But also… it was about where these people come from.

      M and I both grew up in the congested suburbs of bigger cities, New York and New Haven.   Blue collar families, police and fire families, immigrant families of different ethnicities as well as white collar families coexisted comfortably in close housing of all kinds. Mostly modest homes, postage stamp lots.  As children we went out to play in the neighborhood and no one had to worry about our safety – we were among friends everywhere.  That’s not to say there weren’t issues in the ‘hoods, but somehow it all blended in to a comfortable community. 

     We saw that camaraderie again last night as we waiting in that long line, all of us chattering Harry stories, consoling each other in the fact that we’ll never see him again.  We half expected him to be standing at the door ushering people in with a joke and a cigarette and his pastry on a nearby table.  People of all ages, ethnicities, economic levels were kind and affectionate with each other. Folks who hadn’t seen each other in 40 years embraced with tears and hugs and love.  That kind of togetherness, that blending of so many differences into a likeness – a kindness – a friendly way of being… isn’t really seen as often where we live now. The more affluent shoreline communities certainly have plenty of good folks doing good things, but that relaxed  “my home is your home” feeling, not so much. 
      What’s evident when we visit both our childhood communities is a deterioration of  the old home structures, businesses too.  Seems we lived in those areas in their hey-day.  Sad thing and I’m not sure what economic realities are causing that to happen, or what can be done about it.  I just know, growing up in those communities made us a more caring lot of people, an experience no amount of money can buy.  It’s all in the heart, and both M and I are grateful for our community upbringing.
     Harry died as we all hope to – in his mid eighties, peacefully asleep on his couch.  He is being buried as he lived – surrounded by his loving and beloved family, his 1,000 friends in attendance, multiple family pictures in his casket, a pack of cigarettes, a picture of his favorite entertainer, Marilyn Monroe,  his wedding ring on his finger – the lifetime love of his life and wife of 60 or so years by his side to help others say goodbye.  This quote is Harry all the way –   

Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming “Wow! What a Ride!”