Weary

 Lately I try not to take in too much of the news,  the images that flash before my eyes on the computer screen, the hysteria we call news coverage on the TV set (FOX, you are a disgrace) … nor do  I engage as robustly in conversations about anything relating to current events in our world.    – ok, that last line is gonna take some work, still.

I used to think that was irresponsible, the turning away.

But…my soul is weary.  I feel it to my very core.  There is still the need and want to do something significant that can right the ships, heal the wounded, change the negative behaviors, erase the prejudice, stop the abuses.  At 49 I have not yet found a way to do so significantly, and without the ignorance of my youth I now know the limitations, feel the hopelessness that develops with time and experience.  Like a wet wool blanket.. the realization that I am a drop of water with so little control or power  in an ocean of turmoil.. on so many fronts!.. my soul is smothered with that cold, heavy truth.   Sometimes it feels as if I am traveling with a constant undertow of frustration for things I can’t fix. 

  Last night I walked with my daughter and two of our dogs down a little country lane to the docks where we took in the scene – a serene cove dotted with little cottages, boats bobbing in the water, gulls overhead, the setting sun splaying it’s golden rays over all of it and us –  I breathed deep and stepped in the water, letting the salty air cleanse.. and heal… accept..and let go.

 
 
   I’m not giving up on the idea of helping where I can, and having the big mouth that I do, I doubt I will shut up all together when I feel I need to say something, do something –  but from here on out I am going to try like hell to leave the baggage at the door.  I don’t have to argue every single cause or injustice just because the opportunity presents itself.  Sometimes it’s OK to just let stupid people be stupid. 
 
    None of us knows how much longer we’ve got on this earth, which is in all it’s frailties and dangers, still a wonderful place to be.  This drop of water is going to do the best she can to sail through the changing oceans tides with the best of intentions and hopefully a little less stress.  

  This morning as I type this I’m listening to one of my favorite songs – brings tears to my eyes damn-near every time I hear it… One of my favorites by Stevie Nicks, and now in my middle middle age, it’s my anthem. – Landslide –

Lyrics below

I took my love and took it down
I climbed a mountain and I turned around
And I saw my reflection in the snow-covered hills
Till the landslide brought me down

Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?

Well, I’ve been afraid of changing
‘Cause I’ve built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Even children get older
And I’m getting older too

Well, I’ve been afraid of changing
‘Cause I’ve built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Even children get older
And I’m getting older too
Oh, I’m getting older too

I take my love, take it down
I climb a mountain and turn around
And if you see my reflection in the snow-covered hills
Will the landslide bring you down
And if you see my reflection in the snow-covered hills
Will the landslide bring you down, oh, oh
The landslide bring you down

It’s a new day, all –  I hope you’re able to get out there and make the best of it.  Thank you, as always, for stopping by This Old House 2 now and again and being a part of my conversations.