Most of the time it’s our job to teach our children. Every now and then I find I’m learning something from one of my kids. (side note: my grandfather Al used to hate when children were referred to as “kids”. He would say… Kids are GOATS! )
As I watch my son grow through the teenage years, I notice the relationships he has with his friends and the things they consume their time with are different from my friends and I at the same age. I remember all too well the anguish I felt as my high school boyfriend spent continuous “guy time” with his pals, and I would sit at home missing him or go about my business missing him , rearrange my schedule when he was available..most of the time waiting for the next time we would be together. Such a waste of precious time.
I wasn’t the only one… this was the general state of being for my girlfriends too. And we did things together as well… but when we were together, we were still TALKING about them. Not enjoying the activity at hand as much as we could have, and that’s a shame. And OH.. the time spent on the appearance.
My son has some great friends – they ride bikes together, motor scooters, they play football in the front yard, they make trails out in the woods, they go to football and soccer games, have many a sleepover, light bonfires and sit around talking about trucks… and yes, they certainly like the girls. Some even have steady girlfriends. But they don’t obsess over them, not at all. They truly enjoy each others’ company and the activity they are in the midst of at the moment. ..they know how to LIVE in the moment. I wish I could go back and tell my 16 year old self the very same thing. I wish I could tell ALL sixteen year olds this bit of information, and have it really mean something to them.
This weekend they gave each other haircuts with a pair of clippers. I instantly cringed at the thought, but shut my mouth. They were going to the movies with girls later and that was what I was thinking… They really didn’t care if it came out alright, they had a good time doing it. As it should be.
Hilarious. Giving one another hair cuts.
Yes, I too, look back at all of the time I WASTED waiting on guys…being at their beck and call in those years. Should have just hung with the girls. Oh well. I still think WOMEN waste a lot of time talking about MEN. Fact of the matter is we will never figure them out! So why waste our time? Because this is what we do! xo, Cheryl
My girlfriend's son is 22, graduated from college a year ago. He and his group of friends have always spent time together as a big group, not so much one-on-one dating. I think it's much healthier and helps them develop better relationships as they keep their own self growing as they need. Being so consumed with being a couple keeps young men and women from learning who they are as an individual. Nice post.
as it should be
Man . . . how true is that?
Sure, but they`re boys. It`s different for them; always has been, always will.
S
xo
girls/women just don't seem to relax, do we? guys live more for themselves…
This is a great post. Having only daughters, I appreciate this insight into the boys' world. It's so well-balanced and happy!
Very good advice!
Love your blog and am wondering how Chip is doing? I have fallen in love with that little guy and if I didn't live so far away would sure like to go see him. Don't have a blog myself—-yet.
Sons are soooo different. Can you imagine if your girlfriends had said, "Let's give each other haircuts!" And right before going out with dates to the movies…I don't think so! I would say they are pretty dang comfortable in their own skins to not care if it didn't come out perfect. That means you've done a good job Mama!
Teenage boys are so confident and comfortable in their skin. They're so sweet. 🙂
How sweet, and think of the $$ he saved ya!
I'd sure like to have done things different, too! Alas, if I had, there would be one person missing in my life and I wouldn't change that.
Too funny! I was in high school in the late 70s and spent way too much time worrying about what my boyfriend was doing and didn't really realize it until my senior year when he had already graduated. I had so much fun even at school. I wish I had known what I was missing sooner. College came around and we broke up…I had a ball with my girlfriends and sorority sisters during those years!
We girls always seem more consumed with orchestrating things in our lives instead of just living it.
AND, if you go back to relive your teen years in a different way, please take me back with you so that I can also correct some mistakes I made. :-))
Never did tons of dating at that age, and didn't miss it. I had a great group of girlfriends and we had fun, we didn't sit around a wait for the boys . . . they eventually found us! I have to say, everyone one of us hit the jackpot! We all have wonderful husbands! I'm happy to hear your son is enjoying being a teenager! That's the way it should be, they grow up to fast today!
I remember being the same way in high school…wondering what the boys were doing, why they didn't want to be with us as much as we wanted to be with them. They had LIVES!! Took me a long time to realize that.
Love the haircuts!!
XO,
Jane
I so agree with Di!
xo, misha
Oh Lordy do I remember those high school days of worrying about the boyfriend and talking about the boyfriend. I am like you… I wasted precious time! I have 14 year old nieces and I just had this talk with them about enjoy being young and having friends! I am going to send them a link to your blog!!!
Thought provoking post and interesting comments. Having 5 of our own who are out of the nest (3 girls and 2 boys). I don't think of it as one gender braving life or living in the moment any more than I attribute it to being a generational thing either.
It's really a complex mix of who they are. Who they are individually, the company they keep, their environment, school, spirituality… influences. Their families, stress, innocence, ignorance etc. We as parents look back and relive our youth through our own children. We see many aspects of their lives but not necessarily everything… which can be both good and bad… cuz we're their parents.
What's my point? I forget! lol
You've got it right! Such wasted time–I did it too, but only once! I decided I would not plan my entire life around whether someone wanted to spend time with me or not. I don't know if it's a cultural thing, but really, I don't think so. Men and women are fundamentally DIFFERENT in how they view the world it seems. I keep telling youngest daughter–"get your own life" and don't live in the desperate "have to have somebody"–even if it's bad. Not that she'll listen to me of course.
Your son seems to be really balanced and having a good time! Good for him and his friends!
That's adorable!