Wings….

  She was a  talented seamstress to begin with. As her family grew, she became not only the thread, but also the fabric of our family and Italian heritage. She brought us all together.  

When I was young and she was able, her house was the center of the Christmas Feast.  Six courses, all prepared for days before the family’s arrival, soup to nuts and everything delicious inbetween.  Sisters and brothers, cousins, uncles, aunts, all together under one roof, gestering wildly with flying hands, laughter… laughter… all because of her efforts.  I couldn’t appreciate it then as I do now… .but I will never forget.  I’m so glad I have told her that over and over again.

   For a while she was my other mother when my own returned to work.  I spent many days playing with spools of thread and bins of buttons,  watching her sew and cook.  There were usually chocolate chip cookies in a tin on the pantry shelf,  sometimes I’d steal a few before lunch.  She’d play my cousins little 45’s for me when they were at school… my favorite?   Sugar, Sugar.. by the Archies.  We’d sometimes dance and twirl on the linoleum kitchen floor. She made my communion dress and knitted my first super cool poncho with fringe, do you remember those?  She always used Ivory Soap at the sink.  The men in our family all worked at Procter & Gamble,  so Ivory was a staple.  I still use it, still the great product it’s always been, …will always remind me of her.

   Several times in recent weeks I have driven down to visit with her in the hospital while she struggled with failing health. When she learned she was terminal, she said.. “I’ve suffered enough” and signed the paperwork so that all would honor her wishes to let it be.  Just days ago we sat around her bed, telling her how much we loved her, asking her questions about the family history, talking about the good times we all shared. She responded when she could find the strength.  We had a pizza party in her room, even spilled some soda.  We talked, we prayed, we cried, we gestered wildly with flying hands..laughter… laughter… and I told her… “you still know how to get the whole family in one room“.

 

My cousins and their wives were so compassionate and kind, the tenderness those two big guys showed their dying mother was heartwarming and heartbreaking.  She must be so proud of the sons she raised.  My Uncle, her soulmate and partner of over 50 years, is heartbroken.  Their continuous bond over the years has been an inspiration,  even their  pissing contests, because ultimately they were still a symbol for all of us of unity ,love and most importantly, family.   

     I struggled with what to say… what DO you say when you know this is the last of your conversations with this beloved person, this beautiful soul who loved you unconditionally,  has given you so much to cherish.  What do you want to leave with that person as they begin the journey to where ever we go when we die…. what do you want to take away?….


Ultimately, the only words that really matter are… I love you.

Rest in Peace, Aunt Virginia.
You were truly one of Gods gifts to us all.

30 thoughts on “Wings….”

  1. Karen, after our talk today, I know how special she was to you. I'm truly sorry to hear of her passing.
    Your words of describing your last visit with her, and growing up with her, near you, make me wish that I had met her at some point..a wonderful person! It sounds like she was part of the glue that keeps a family together….always gathering at her house. I hope for your family's sake, that they try to continue to gather at one of the homes…..difficult as it may be.

    I wish you and your family a memory filled Christmas and a BIG Hug for you, a very special friend! …Tim

  3. Oh Karen, your words are filled with so much love for this special woman. What a gift she has been in your life. I wish for peace for your uncle, for you, and the rest of your family.

  5. Karen,

    I am so saddened and sorry for your loss. You said and did all the right things. Your aunt was blessed to have you in her life as was she in yours. It's so hard to have someone pass away when they have had such a big part in shaping you. I wish you peace and much love.

    XO,
    Jane

  7. Oh, Karen, your tribute to your aunt is extremely touching and I'm so very sorry for your loss.

    Thoughts and prayers to each of you, as you mourn. Extra prayers for your Uncle.

  8. So so sorry to read this post tonight. Your Aunt, obvious by your writing was a special lady.The picture you painted of her and the family gatherings made me smile, thanks for sharing a little of your Aunt with us.Hugs for you and prayers for you, your family and especially your Uncle. Here's hoping the pain of her passing subsides and is replaced sooner rather than later with fond memories of her and the laughter that used to surround her.

    Just a side note, please print this post and tuck it away to be found later and shared with future generations. Relatives will love to read this later.

    Again, sorry to read this post tonight.

  9. My heartfelt condolences to you and your family Karen. I could have written this for my own grandmother. She was so very much like your Aunt! I sure do hope that her husband will be able to live again…

  13. Karen, the picture you did during your last visit, of your aunts hand being held by family members is very emotional. It tells a story of love and warmth and togetherness.

  15. What a sweet and loving tribute. I am sure that she knew just how much you loved her, and just how important she was in your life.

  16. What a blessing to have such a loving aunt in your life. And how happy she must have been to see the woman (and mother) her niece grew up to be. Wildly flying gestering hands and all!

  20. Wishing you and your family peace this special time of the year, Karen. She knew she was loved and it's what we all hope for when we leave this world.

    Sending you a warm, tight hug on this very cold and sad day.

    xox
    Diane

  21. You are so lucky you had this wonderful woman in your life! Time spent with her sounds like it was always delightful.

    Smooches my friend.

  22. Karen – a beautiful tribute to your beloved Aunt Virginia.
    I am so sorry for the loss your family is going through. Your cherished memories of her are a gift of love.

  23. So, so glad you had that time with her. My condolences to you and yours. I hope you will be able to remember her with happiness this holiday!

  24. I read this post both yesterday and again today. I've cried both times. It so reminds me of my Aunt Faye who I too lost too early. She was my sewing, my quilt, my cook, my care giver mentor.

    Her house was always the scene of the large family Christmas since she took care of my Grandmother. Nothing like cramping 40 plus in a tiny 2 bedroom house. We ate in shifts, men first, women next and the kids last.

    I remember her sugar cookies where Rudolph's nose was a tiny piece of raisin. Oh and her peanut butter balls, dipped in chocolate with too much paraffin wax.

    So many memories of great ladies, I feel your pain.

    We just know God gain another angel on your side.

  25. Karen, we weep alongside you. What a beautiful testament to a life well lived, a life that valued what was meant to be valued—and that can remind strangers of what matters.

    Thank you for sharing. Praying for peace and comfort amidst the storm, not only for you, but for your Uncle & your cousins.

  27. So sorry to hear of your loss, Karen. Chrismas time evokes so many fond memories in most of us, making the loss even more difficult. I love your heartfelt tribute to her –a woman of kindness always thinking of others. I knew when you wrote of her wanting you to have the china basket, that she knew she would be leaving this earthly world soon.
    I had only one aunt–my Aunt Irene, my mother's only sister. She was 10 years older than my mom and they could not have been more different in personality. She was unfailingly kind and I remember fondly her biscuits and gravy and the Christmas bag of all kinds of wonderful toiletries and good smelling stuff! Makes me sad that I've lived so far away from my niece and nephew and hardly know them. We have lost something in our transient society.

  28. Karen, I am so, so sorry; my heart goes out to your Uncle and to the rest of the family.
    As to your question, what do I say…
    if it's needed, I give permission for the person to die. In several cases, it's been such a release for them and for me; it's even been healing. I also tell them how much they have meant to me and, a lot of times, those Godly women have been 'little Christs' to me…so I tell them what their Christian lives have meant, they are a great cloud of witnesses and their lives meant a great deal to so many. I thank them for blessing me with their lives and then I go and (try to) do likewise.
    Merry Christmas; may your blessings be many and your troubles few.

  29. Karen, I am so sorry for your loss. Your beloved aunt sounds like a most wonderful person. You have written a moving tribute to her.

    xo
    Claudia

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