Author: admin

What he said.

     

     I’m glad someone in Washington is willing to stand up for what’s right, regardless of party affiliation. We’ve all gotten so wrapped up in finger pointing at the Democrats, the liberals, the Snowflakes, the Republicans, the Conservatives, the Alt-rights… the assholes! (whomever you currently think that is)… but the real bottom line? The government, all of them.. are supposed to be working for US, no matter what category you think you fall under… we are all THE PEOPLE. Not the lobbyists, not their party pals, not their supporters only. The collective group of ALL OF US.

      The ACA needs to be fixed. FIX IT.. don’t keep throwing shit policy out there to see what sticks. FIX IT.. TOGETHER. Congrats to Senator McCain for calling a spade a spade. Perhaps more will follow in his footsteps and grow a conscience.  Sad reality – Why does it have to take a swan song for this to happen…


Are we doing too much?

 You know that saying… 50 is the new 30, etc etc.?  Hold that thought for a minute. 
      In a recent discussion with friends our age, the subject turned to our children and the next generation.  In particular, the difference between how we raised our kids and how we were raised by our parents.  It seems there’s a heck of a difference in some areas… and is that an improvement or a setback?  Another interesting point – Do we OWN our kids?  I believe we do but I know many who would disagree. I see the owning as responsibility for how we raised them. We own that for sure.
    We talked about how the next generation in general seems to struggle with -adulting- and what that might mean about our parenting.  Our collective experience as young folk was that we had little jobs from the time we were around 12-ish, if not younger – like babysitting in the neighborhood, delivering newspapers, etc… graduating to perhaps waitressing,  camp counselor, busboy, gas station attendant, grocery clerk type jobs… whatever level of school we attained and then our adult work life. We were given or went out to seek responsibilities and were expected to tow the line. Period. For the most part, all of us in our early twenties were already living our adult lives and paying our own way.  
    Now, with all the modern advances since we were young –  (no such thing as home computers and cell phones and texting and everyone has a car at 16.5 years of age and the other modern conveniences that make life easier in this day and age)  you would think the growing up and adulting part would be that much easier for the next generation.  What it appears we have done by lightening the load is enabled our youth to slack off some on the growing up, to hold off on owning responsibility for ones self a bit longer.  It appears in the  – I want to give my kid the things I didn’t have, or… I don’t want my kids to have to work as hard as I did– … we may have failed them in some important way.   
    It didn’t kill me to walk the blocks to school or stand out in the snow waiting for the bus.  It didn’t kill me to  clean an old lady neighbors house when I was 13… heck, that experience taught me how to clean a house! (and work around a partially senile but lovely old person). It didn’t kill me to waitress at a synagogue at 15 and 16 years of age, working  for people with a lot of money and not very much respect for those who waited on them hand and sometimes literally foot.  It didn’t kill me to walk endless miles of pony track at the zoo, giving pony rides to children for hours on end in a dusty little arena.  It didn’t even wound me… it taught me what responsibility means – someone depended on me to be there, to show up, to do what I said I would do.  It taught me what earning the money you need for the things you want or need means.  It taught me how to adult before I had to stand on my own two feet and actually become one. 
      What we are collectively seeing with the next generation that we have been more generous with in time and money, is an expansion of their dependency on us.. in some instances a reluctance to GROW UP.  An inability or a resistance to standing on their own two feet, make their way in the world, and yes,  please come to us for support and knowledge and all those good things, but not REALLY all  those good things. 
      Think about it.. by the time you were 21, where were you in life, what were you doing?  How much did you depend on your parents at that point in your life?   How much depended on you getting your own self out there doing what you needed to do in order to have what you wanted?  
       I need to be clear, here, and boy is this gonna sound snobby –  but DESPITE the fact that I have spoiled my children in the various ways I have been fortunate to do, they have indeed turned out to be responsible young adults.  I think , I hope and I pray that besides the spoiling, the Mr. and I have instilled in them the need to tow the line, own up to their responsibility for their own lives, to be dependable for themselves and for those who do and will depend on them.  I should also say that it’s entirely unfair to pin the unadulting or the extended youth experience (for lack of a better term)  on ALL of this next generation.  There are certainly many who are doing a fine job of adulting, and excelling!  I’m not referring to them.  It appears, though, that perhaps 30 is the new 20 in more cases than not. 
    Another something that goes hand in hand with this train of thought is the lack of younger volunteers.  In our little town alone, it’s the same group of people, now older and retired and just plain tired.. that seem to pick up all the volunteer slack.  When I mentioned this to my mother – she had a valid point… People now-a-days have to work more than ever – there are very few Single income families, where as, years ago, that was the norm.  Back in the day, folks had more time for volunteer activities.  Now they struggle with a two income family trying to make ends meet while seeking some quality family time in that mix.  Who has the energy or the time to volunteer with that kind of load? 
    So while some things have gotten easier, other things have gotten harder.  And by making things easier, perhaps we’ve made things harder.   With all the best intentions,  we may have messed with something that didn’t need fixing.
Food for thought. 
   

Summer’s swan song and the K List

   We’re squeaking out every ounce of  seaside enjoyment we can get at the cottage, dancing in between work and farm responsibilities and the need to soak up what’s left of the summer that sort of wasn’t.  The weather has been odd – kinda wet, kinda cool, kinda cloudy.  While I don’t appreciate hot humid days because they truly make me wilt, some of that heat would have been appreciated. 

 If you’re a woman looking for a kayak that is stable, versatile in quiet and slightly choppy or running waters and easy to maneuver, I strongly recommend the Necky Manitou Sport- love my little red Ruby. She’s accumulated quite a few scratches along with the miles on her plastic bottom but so far nothing seeps through- I hope I enjoy many more years with her.

 Not for nothing here.. but I think it should be an unbroken unspoken rule –  If you’re the fisherMAN, you’re also required to actually touch the fish you catch to get it off the hook.  No squeamishness allowed.    

– Just sayin. 

 My mom has gotten a few week long stays in, when weather was agreeable, and entertained friends on occasion as well.  One of the most rewarding things for us is that my mother can enjoy this little place too. Having grown up in a similar small seaside community of which she has many fond memories,  (Cedar Grove Beach, Staten Island – now defunct)… she introduced us to the notion of such a place, and is also part of the reason we were able to acquire Stella when we did.  

Ask me how much we love marshmallows toasted to the extreme… 

We accounted for all family and friends living in Florida – I hope all your loved ones are safe too.  seems IRMA was not quite as horrendous as it could have been, although there is much damage and work to repair in the forecast.  The VI’s were hit the hardest – I cannot imagine what lies ahead for them as they rebuild – in some cases their entire island.  For a location that depends so heavily on tourism, what a double blow to their economy. 
 I’m waiting for a sign from one dear blog friend, Sally – to be sure all is well there too…
Update:  Sally and family are fine – still no power several days in.  
                                     
 At last weekend’s farm market I bought a dog lead for my Sally girl from a really awesome vendor – Elliot of the WashAshoreStore.   Elliot reclaims washed-shore items like boat rope and refashions them into dog leads, etc.   Sally’s is pink… 
 Eliot seen below at market working a new lead.  Her beautiful dog lay patiently at her feet the entire market.  She and her mom have been rescuing and adopting out unwanted dogs for many years – good, good people.  Browse her online store, buy your pup a new lead, this one will last a very long time and it’s upcycled – good for the environment. 
  Meanwhile, back at the ranch… I’ve been asked many times what kind of dog Sally is, mostly because she’s such an odd combination of body part sizes.  I don’t think she’s a dog… I call her our house elf, AKA the terrorist.   
                                       
Leaving you with a recipe I just found on facebook…. Looks like an easy-to-make crowd pleaser – a great pick-on for football season, cottage season, holiday gatherings, a meal all by itself,  you name it.  Has some healthy qualities too…  and a gluten free suggestion for those (like me) attempting to go gluten free. 

Broccoli Cheese Balls…  



*this is NOT my recipe or photo – found on recipetineats.com
Ingredients
  • 2 cups (packed) roughly chopped soft cooked broccoli (well drained) (~400g/13 oz raw broccoli) (Note 1)
  • 1 cup panko breadcrumbs
  • 2 eggs
  • ¾ cup shredded cheese (Cheddar, Colby or Tasty cheese are my usual)
  • 2 shallots / scallions , finely sliced
  • 2 cloves garlic , minced
  • ¼ tsp salt
  • Black pepper
  • Olive oil spray
Garlic Lemon Yoghurt Sauce:
  • 2/3 cup plain yoghurt
  • Zest of 1/2 lemon
  • 1 tbsp lemon juice
  • ½ garlic clove , minced
  • 2 tsp extra virgin olive oil (adjust to taste, depends on fat % of yoghurt used)
  • Salt and pepper, to taste
Instructions
  1. Preheat oven to 200C/390F (all oven types).
  2. Line tray with baking / parchment paper. (Note 2)
  3. Place all ingredients (except oil spray) in a bowl. Mix well to combine, mashing up the broccoli as you go (like when you are cooking mince).
  4. Scoop up a heaped tablespoon, then press in firmly. Flick out into your hand then form into a ball. Place on tray. Repeat with remaining mixture – should make 15 – 18 balls.
  5. Spray with oil then bake for 25 minutes, or until the surface is slightly crisp and golden.
  6. Serve with Lemon Yoghurt Sauce – it also goes great with ketchup!
  7. Sauce: Mix ingredients together then set aside for at least 20 minutes to allow the flavours to meld.
Recipe Notes
1. This can be made with fresh or frozen broccoli. If using fresh, you’ll need 1 giant head or 2 medium heads. Ensure the broccoli is cooked until soft so it is easier to “mash” and mould into meatball shapes.

Chopping and cooking fresh broccoli: Cut the florets off the broccoli then break up into medium pieces. Cut the thinner stem into about 2.5cm / 1 inch pieces. If you want to use the thick main stem, peel the outer skin (which is tough) then cut into 2.5 cm / 1” x 1cm / 2/5” batons. Boil water in a large saucepan (or do this step in a steamer). Plonk the stems in first, cook for 2 minutes. Then add the florets and cook for 3 minutes, or until soft. Drain well.

2. Storing: Cool then place in an airtight container. For a quick reheat, use the microwave, or otherwise reheat in the oven. These also freeze well once cooked. Can be made ahead, form balls, then refrigerate (not freeze), then bake later.

3. Pictured in the photo in post with: Lemon Rice Pilaf and quick sautéed kale (tear off a few handfuls of kale, rip leaves off the tough centre stem, tear into bite size pieces. Saute in a bit of oil with a handful of pre shredded carrots (I always have Just Veg from Woolies on hand), season with S&P and finish with a sprinkle of crushed almonds.

4. GLUTEN FREE OPTION: Sub breadcrumbs with 3/4 cup almond meal.

5. Nutrition is for 1/3 of the recipe which is a meal size serving (for an adult). Gluten free option: increases to 387 calories, carbs decreases to 17g.

 Till soon, Friends – 

Troubled waters, restless sky

     Throughout my younger years I often reflected on how lucky I was to grow up in a time of relative peace. Too young to know the horrors of Vietnam personally, born decades after the World Wars… I felt relieved that our world had learned it’s lessons in the atrocities of war.  This is not to imply that there hasn’t been turmoil around the globe, that there haven’t been major issues brewing under the thin veneer of “peace time” since.  I think it’s crystal clear, particularly now… just how thin that skin was.. and is… 
Passed this in my travels last week… I want to hug the person who displayed it.  Amen.  One of the many issues before us. 
      I have always hoped and believed we would never come back to an all out war between super powers, surely the powers that be would learn from past mistakes… would not allow, ever again, the mass destruction, the horrors of war, because… NO ONE WINS.  EVERYONE LOSES… isn’t this clear to all by now?  Hasn’t history taught us enough of those lessons?  Lately, it seems power and greed and corruption and ego are winning out over common sense.  
     Such a beautiful world we live in.  The simplest truth is… every living being could exist here in comfort, in relative peace, in harmony.. together….having what they need.   It’s absolutely attainable, if not for greed and ego.  How very sad that we can ruin it for ourselves.  This is where the idea of a divine creator is lost on me. What a cruel joke, to create a race that will probably eventually destroy itself based on those two traits.  I want to believe good will always slay evil.  I don’t think I have to touch on what we’re all seeing in the world news … lately, that scenario doesn’t seem likely. 
     
     Yesterday I paddled my trusty little red Kayak, Ruby,  out into a choppy cove and let the wind and salt spray cover me. The warmth of the sun felt good on my skin… the rhythmic motion of the boat as we bobbed over the waves soothed my soul.  Sunlight like diamonds on the waters before me… looking out into the Atlantic waters  from the safety  of our little cove… all I could think of was how healing it might be if I could instill that calmness, that appreciation of the beauty of our shared world, in the hearts of the men who can’t see beyond their own egos and greed.  
  I have been trying, lately, to avoid watching too much of the news – to refrain from spewing my disgust on social media… taking some advice from my son, the 21 year old who hasn’t been around as long as I have.. yet.   “Mom, why get yourself all worked up over something you have no control over. It’s not worth the price, let it go“.   
 Like ego and greed, another simple truth, yes?  Out of the mouths of not a babe anymore, but youth nevertheless. 
   So I’m taking more walks with my dogs…  
   My old boy, Ben, and I took a stroll last night in the fields just before dark.  The sky seemed restless, moisture and humidity have returned and I wonder if this is the beginning of the newest hurricane heading toward the states.  More stormy weather ahead…. 

     
    I’m not religious, but I believe in the power of prayer – go figure.  Praying for the safety of all in Hurricane Irma’s path – praying for the healing of our people all over the world – praying for sanity and good will to settle in the hearts of our leaders so that we avoid destroying ourselves in the pursuit of… Greatness?  *sigh.  We already have profound greatness…. beauty, bounty, resources. May we collectively figure out how not to destroy it. 
 Till soon, friends… 

Hate when that happens..

     …. When you walk into the (insert any retail store) in the middle of July and the Fall decorations are already out.  Heck, around here the Halloween candy has been out for weeks.  To underscore all this.. summer seems to have made an exit early here in New England.  Notice my blog has a fall feel?  Well  this morning it just seemed like the right time to change it up a little as I dressed in sweatpants and a hooded sweatshirt to feed the horses, chickens and rabbits.  
     Figures, our first season with Stella (the summer cottage), we’ve had unseasonably cool and wet weather.  Seems like the summer just flew by, blink of an eye.  Even lit our first fire in that fire pit the other night, toasted our first seaside marshmallows and I have to say, they were the best crispy burnt salty air marshmallows I have ever tasted.  We’re squeezing in as much time as possible before we’ll need to close her up for the winter. 
     The remains of an osprey’s bluefish  dinner on our waterfront cement dock… although I’d prefer to tell you I had a lovely waterfront chat with a mermaid. 

 

     I am encouraged by all the outpouring of care and effort on behalf of the people of Texas and Louisiana who have been affected by Hurricane Harvey.  The destruction is heartbreaking, but the show of humanity, of outreach, of positive interaction amongst all is much needed and I hope it continues and the ripples of camaraderie blanket our country.  We need a morale boost.

Till soon, friends…

The K List

      First – my thoughts and prayers are with all those dealing with the flood devastation in Texas. In this day and age, with all the forecasting we’re able to do, how is it we still can’t evacuate people out of a very dangerous hurricane or tornado zone before it actually hits?   I’m seeing images of elderly folk trapped in three feet of water in nursing homes, families still trapped in their flooded houses, animals drowned, electrocuted or sitting on top of kennel houses in pounds…   How are we not able to secure the people and animals of an area before the disaster hits when we have the forewarning. 
    What we have here in New England right now is a down-right chilly end-of-August.   It was 58 degrees as I fed the horses this morning.  There were even a few fall leaves on the stone walls.  I love fall, but NOT YET!!….  
I actually made (Brenda’s) Taco Soup for dinner last night  and an old Banana Bread recipe this morning to help cut through the chill.  The BB recipe is as follows – real simple, never fails. Important not to over-bake it, as you want it really moist. 

4 very ripe bananas (that’s important) 
1/3 cup melted butter
1 cup sugar
1 egg
t tsp vanilla
1 tsp baking soda
pinch of salt
1 1/2 cups flour
Preheat oven to 350 degrees.  Grease 1 loaf pan. Throw all ingredients in mixing bowl and mix well.  Poor into pan and bake for approx. 45 minutes to an hour, depending on oven.  I start checking after 40 minutes. When toothpick comes out clean, it’s done. 
Sharing some pictures I took in our late summer garden
yesterday as I clipped back what was growing a little too wild

I found this perfect little two inch mushroom ….
    and went back out there this morning 
because.. this... 
  

   Till soon, friends – 

Let there be Light

     Last week because we hung around the cottage past dark before heading back to the farm, we noticed the solar lights in our neighbors yard and how beautiful they looked.  So… a few days ago I walked into a nearby discount store and found all their outdoor solar light selections half price – perfect!  These are the cheap variety, I’m sure you can spend more money on really good ones, but I’m proud to tell you I got these beauties for $2.50 each, on sale from $5.   Since they’re made of mostly plastic I don’t have high hopes for their endurance, but for now to see if we like the effect it’s not a bad way to figure that out. 
      I stuck them in the ground immediately and with two days “charge” time,  last night I made dinner for the guy and I down at the shore, cleaned up the dinner stuff… and waited patiently for the “show” to arrive. 
It took a while… and briefly I suspected they really were just cheap crap and weren’t going to work. 
Frasier wasn’t impressed either. 
 But just as I was packing up to head home, I saw this…. 
 Which quickly became this… 

     And in those moments of admiring my half price solar finds…  I was reminded of a few quotes that are particularly relevant in these uncertain times… 

Till soon, friends.. 

The K List

   *the K list is my lazy way of finding a post title for a real  rambler.  Here goes… grab a cup of coffee or tea if you’re willing to get through this whole post.  
   So.. when we bought Stella by the sea, we initially thought renting it out for a few weeks of the summer would be a grand idea because owning a second home, even a little one such as Stella… costs money.  We weren’t keen on the idea of renting to strangers, but perhaps just people we know, or people who know the people we know. 
   Our first “guests” came to stay for just three days.  We didn’t know them, but we knew their relatives and they are indeed a decent crew. Good way for us to test the waters, right? 
     The three days went by and the following day I returned to Stella to clean up.   By “cleaning up” I mean.. I assumed… washing sheets and towels.  Vacuuming and dusting and disinfecting bathroom just because “guests”. 
     What I found was a little different.  There was leftover food left out and open  on the counter.  Empty drink bottles too. We have a white curtain on the inside of the bathroom door, which is an old glass pane door, so the curtain is needed for privacy. That curtain was filthy from little boy hands with dirt.. and blood.  Bandaid wrappers also strewn. Thankful the cut wasn’t too big, apparently.  One bed was left without being stripped, the other bed stripped and sheets left on our little Edith Chair with wet towels.  On the chair.  Wet.   There were crumbs left on the kitchen table and the kitchen sink was filthy with some dishes left there too… 
    A  lovely thank you l note was left in the guest book saying it was obvious we had put a lot of thought and time and creativity into resurrecting Stella, thank you for letting us stay. .  
    We won’t be doing that again.   I don’t think the “guests” intended any disrespect at all, to be clear.  I think they are just a little oblivious, perhaps due to their affluence or the way they were brought up. Someone else will take care of this.  I’ll leave it for the service. 
     While my husband dismissed it as “the typical way people leave hotel rooms”… I don’t really think so.   That’s beside the fact that our little cottage is not a hotel, not even a true rental property. When we stay in a hotel, before we leave, I put the wet towels in the bathtub or a neat pile on the bathroom tile floor.  I make sure we have not left any garbage strewn about, including drink bottles, crumbs from snacks, papers, etc.   My mother really didn’t have to teach me these things…. it’s just common courtesy.  She probably did teach me that, common courtesy.   People who work service jobs such as waitresses and waiters, bus boys, maid service in hotels, for example…. they deserve the respect of any other person – their job is thankless, truly.  

 Now that I got that off my chest…  the stress that pounds my body when I take in the daily news has crescendoed and I am taking a hiatus from it.. just a peek here and there at the headlines instead of devouring it and trying to make sense of the nonsense.  The world is going to have to sort this all out and I am just going to hope for the best.  
  We continue to enjoy Stella in between  work hours and farm responsibilities.  Most days I load Frasier and Sally into the car, we  ride past farms and stop at the  stands along the commute, grabbing some summer sweet corn,  with tomatoes and cucumber salad from the home garden. We walk the little island roads down by the sea, and prepare a meal for whomever shows up after work at the end of the day.  Occasionally we go for a swim when the tide is high.  There is a long list of people we would like to host for a relaxing evening and seaside supper… That will take some time. 
My nephews as we celebrated a  birthday… 
My son and I are the most avid swimmers… 
To give you an idea of the difference in water level at low and high tide… 
This is high tide.  My son is standing, I’m floating. 
At low tide, the water is at our knees in the same spot. 

  We don’t stay overnight just yet … often leaving in the peak sunset hour…. too many animals at home depend on us for their evening meal and tucking in. Someday when we have fewer animals to care for, we’ll spend summers living in the cottage. For now we’re very content to commute.  
     
Meanwhile, back home… another farm market in the books – and it was a good one.  

 I bought this apron, it’s now hanging in my kitchen.  One of our vendors makes aprons out of vintage feed and flour sacks among other things –  I love them!

Mom and my Aunt, her sister.   While the circumstances behind my aunt’s relocation are very sad ( her husband recently passed) , I love that they live next door to each other now and get to spend quality time together.  If there is a heaven, my grandmother Elsie is smiling big.

 Not only does my family support my farm market efforts by attending market and buying from local farmers and artisans… mom treated me to this recycled dress by one of my favorite vendors.  Marylynne of BH Upcycle Designs uses old sweaters, t-shirts, sweatshirts to make new pieces of clothing like skirts, dresses, shirts, etc.   This is one of those..

  Speaking of Markets.. our September market will include an installment of The Kindness Rocks Project.. have you heard of it?  I believe it’s happening in areas all over the country – but it’s in full swing for sure on our shoreline.  People are painting rocks with words of inspiration or kindness and pretty designs and placing them in random spots where others will find them.  They are showing up in places like post office drop boxes, town hall steps,  benches in parks, on hiking trails, in doorways to shops, etc…    My market partner, Linda, and I will host a rock party at the market – I’ve gathered smooth rocks from Stellas waterfront and painted them an undercoat.  We’ll provide the paints and brushes for whomever wants to show up and create their own “kindness” and place it somewhere in the world for another to find.   It’s the little ripples that fan out into the sea, creating change, right?  Rock on..

These are a few that I have already sent out …. message on back, design on front.

 These were found on the ‘net –
Great idea, no?  Something positive anyone can do –
I’ll end this post with a few shots of my beloved coneflowers –
they are so happy this year – must be all the rain and humidity. – bleh. 

    Whew, that was a long one.  Are you still with me?  It’s a new day, all.  Let’s not look at the newsfeeds.  Not once.  Maybe for a few days even.   I need to stay put this morning and catch up on cleaning duties here at the homestead –  This post is clearly a procrastination effort.  I’m particularly good at that.  

 Till soon, friends – 

Counting on that Pendulum

 The following was shared with me by a family member who understands  my struggle with this issue…. Hit the nail right on the head.  Thank you Joelle Wisler for putting this out there for all of -us-.  


The Stages Of Grief When Your Loved One STILL Supports Trump –  by Joelle Wisler


I feel like it’s been about a thousand years since inauguration day. It’s as if this administration is literally like Russian (cough cough) nesting dolls and one horrible thing after another just keeps popping up in my news feed every day. I know more about the White House and its inhabitants than I would have ever wanted to know — the names, the faces, the firings, the drama, the downward spiraling, all of the nasty words said off-record that somehow become on-record.

And the tweets. Dear God, the freaking tweets.

And through it all, seemingly oblivious to the outside world that shines a spotlight down upon all the hate, my loved one still sits in silence and supports.
Well, they sit in silence around me, at least. Probably because I have a tendency to turn into the girl from the exorcist when our president’s name is mentioned. I just cannot anymore. I cannot. I cannot sit and listen to the whitest man in the world say that white men are the ones who are really discriminated against. That only English-speaking immigrants can enter our country. That hardworking, life-sacrificing, proud military personnel who happen to be transgender can no longer be in the armed services. That a lot of people don’t actually need health care anymore. That all news that isn’t overtly favorable to him is fake. That we need a see-through wall to keep “them” out. And all of the other things.
That everyone else in the world is less-than by his standards. I’m not here for it, folks.
So, my loved one and I don’t discuss politics, but a tiny voice inside me still mourns — for our relationship, for the millions of relationships being affected. It’s as if we’ve seen an ugly secret inside our friends and family members that we never knew about and it breaks our hearts with every tweet.
They are afraid of something. I assume supporters of his are afraid of something. Of minorities. Of women. Of anyone who is different. Oh wait, perhaps they fear the dismantling of white supremacy and the heteronormative patriarchy?
So in my grief (and bewilderment) at my loved one’s continued support despite the crazy world we now live in, here are the stages I’ve gone through:

1. Shock/Disbelief

Earlier this summer, I was driving through Las Vegas with my loved one when they said, “Look at that, Trump tower! It’s made of all gold y’know.” And I should have really won an award for the tremendous amount of self-restraint I showed in the next moments.
Because I did nothing.
I said nothing. I didn’t drive us off the road or start word-vomiting all of the facts and tweets and plummeting poll numbers. I just drove — not only because I was so shocked, but also because I knew I had to drive 12 hours longer with my loved one and nothing good would have come from me detailing a list of offenses.

2. Denial

Every piece of news I hear or read, I think, that’ll do it. A person couldn’t possibly support that. And my loved one keeps supporting. I can’t think too deeply about this because acceptance of the policies coming out of the White House says something fundamental about you as a human being. I’m in denial that I share blood with someone who can accept and support these things.

3. Anger

Once, in a low moment as I cooked dinner for my loved one and Fox News was blaring in the background, I said, “You know they are lying to you right now?” And my loved one said, “All of those other channels are fake news.” REALLY?! ALL the other news in the whole world is fake? How?! Why?! What?! And then my head exploded all over my freshly layered lasagna.

4. Bargaining

Please, please stop tweeting. Please?

5. Guilt

My 5-year-old crawled into bed with me one morning when we were at my loved one’s house. She said, “So I asked [our loved one] why they voted for that bad man.” My heart sunk a bit because I don’t want this to affect their relationship. Yes, I believe that he is a bad man. With horrible ideas and no self-awareness. But my kids are too young to worry about all of that.

6. Depression

My loved one and I used to agree about a lot of things politically. We both love our country. And I believed we agreed on the basic humanity of all people and in the underlying structure of America — that we welcome all, that our rights as Americans are everything and for everyone. But it feels as if Trump’s rise to power has let those who hold little black holes of hate and discrimination in their hearts speak freely with such vitriol. That, yes, America is the home of the free, but only for some people. Not those people. And that makes me unfathomably sad for our world, for where we are at.

7. Acceptance (and Hope)

My hope lies in a man’s hands named Robert Mueller. The truth is going to come out, and we are just going to have to wait for it.
I know I’m not the only one who has a loved one, a friend or family member, who has boarded the Trump Train and is unwilling to get off despite its inevitable drive toward destruction. Never have we been this divided, this ideologically far away from each other, this torn. People have divorced over this man, families have been split apart, holidays have become uncomfortable. There are those who simply can’t get past it. Those who’ve had to draw that “no contact” boundary because the divide is just too great. The hate that he doesn’t condemn is just too real.
But the pendulum will always swing both ways, so with hope, I try remember this and look forward to 2018.