There was a bonfire here again the other night
for about 15 fifteen year olds.
Because we live “out in the sticks”
our teens can’t easily congregate on someones stoop, or meet at the movie theatre
or down at the local park
or out in the street for a game of stickball or baseball,etc.
So I don’t mind when my son asks..
“can I have a bonfire tonight and invite a bunch of kids over?”
Now that the kids are in High School
I don’t know every single one… they are divided between the private HS
and the public, but co-mingle often, which I think is terrific.
When one dad who I have never met showed up to drop his daughter off,
I was waiting at the side door gate to greet them as they came.
I wanted the parents to know my husband and I were home and
would be keeping an eye on the group at the bonfire.
This particular Dad came up to me after driving up the driveway to the bonfire..
(it’s up on the hill)
… “why so far away from the house??”
I said.. ” that’s where we put our fire pit. It’s a clear view from here though,
we can see that the fire is under control and can keep an eye on the kids
from a distance. We will also go up to check on them here and there. ”
I joked that the firepit used to be right out the back door
but the kids wanted it more than 15 feet from the living room couch.
He said
“I don’t give a sh*t what the kids want, who’s the boss.. you or them?”…..
I assured him we’ve done this before and it went very well.
He shook his head and left after complaining
to one more mom as she arrived.
He could have taken his daughter home,
I would have been OK with that.
But it made me think.
How much trust is OK to give your teenager?
By the age of “almost sixteen”
I got myself to school and home on a city bus,
met my friends at a city park often to “hang out”,
had a waitressing job at a catering hall
that sometimes wasn’t over until 1 or 2am.
I also worked at the city zoo running the pony track.
I alone was responsible for tacking up a couple of ponies
and keeping other people’s kids safe and entertained.
And we didn’t have cell phones then either.
Mom had to trust in where I was.
And I survived. We all did.
Did we make mistakes?
Hell yeah.
In some ways I think we are “making” our teens younger
and less responsible as things are now.
In other ways I realize they have access to so many more
harmful things. So many more options with modern technology.
But they alsodon’t have as much to do.
You might not agree with me, and that’s OK.
Did the Dad have a right to be concerned for his daughter’s safety?
Absolutely.
Do I still think it’s acceptable to let a bunch of kids who
are almost driving age sit up on the hill around a bonfire
behind my house
and figure a few things out for themselves?
Without a doubt.
And I know mistakes will be made…
Mistakes… Life Lessons…
hopefully not the worst kind…
but also…there’s gotta be a little trust.
And some expectations.
