For those of you who are also FB friends of mine, this will be redundant. What I’ve posted below is nothing new, it’s a sad and growing trend just about everywhere. What inspired me to write it yesterday was a post a friend had put up on her own FB page. And you know, my intention is not to single her out, or to imply that she doesn’t have the right to feel the way she does or express herself in whatever way she sees fit.
But it was an example of what is growing too large in our society….a constant drone of complaining about everything and anything. In this case, while attending her daughters annual physical, she was extremely annoyed that her daughter’s physician wanted to speak with her child alone for a few minutes without mom in the room to ask a few questions that she might not feel comfortable talking about with Mom present. The child is 11 years old. My friend believes that’s too young for that kind of privacy and she should be privy to all of the conversation. She is also annoyed at what she feels is a shoving down the throat of the importance of vaccinations, which she isn’t all that comfortable with. The concern is understandable. That’s a choice she should make.
Here’s my point though. I have no doubt the Dr. was trying to do her job. She was giving the child the opportunity to ask any questions he/she might have that he/she is uncomfortable asking in front of mom. Our kids grow up way too fast nowadays, and to think they aren’t exposed to frightening , confusing or puberty related issues at the tender age of 11 is just naive, sad but true. What is the harm in letting the Dr. give the child that opportunity to talk? Especially if there are issues at home that he/she might be dealing with? There is no abuse at my friend’s home, to be clear. Also, vaccines do save lives. And some don’t believe in them. It’s her choice, but the Dr. has the job of conveying the information and the importance if she believes it to be true. Otherwise, she wouldn’t be doing her job.
MANY of her friends disagreed with me on this, and I was surprised at what I call the hyperventilating that went on in that thread. But I stand by what I put on my own status. And here it is…
You know what’s disheartening? We have become one big complaining society. Too many rules, not enough rules. Too many regulations, not enough regulations. Too much interaction, not enough interaction. Too much interference, not enough interference. Where are they… Tell them to stay away. –
Stop complaining and realize most people are doing the best they can with what they’ve got. Work together, ask the questions, hear the answers… Drop the attitude. Live life with a positive outlook regardless of what is pissing you off at the moment. Chances are we are all part of the problem at one point or another…so find tolerance and you will find PEACE. I’m going to do this… Are you with me?
By the way, it’s always OK if you disagree with me here, all I ask is that you are respectful when leaving your comments. Open, respectful conversation is always good.
– Just sayin.
It's a tough lesson to learn that your children do not belong to you, they are merely in your care for a while. As they mature, it becomes very evident, but even at 11, children deserve to be treated with respect.
Vickie Buenger's number one rule: Assume positive intent. Sometimes evidence will later convince otherwise. But it is where I start.
I so agree with you….there is so much negativity, judgement, complaining in this world. Social media should be a way to better the world, not bring it down!
I have turned off notifications from so many people that just drone (love that word btw) on and on about crap and crap. The negativity I see there is mind-numbing.
You are my hero so many times Karen. If you didn't already say it, I'd totally say, "Just sayin'".
I love FB for fun. Silly fun. And a little bit of photo-stalking.
. . . and those helicopter parents are not going to be doing their children any favors later on. I remember both of my daughters meeting with their doctor alone for that first time! It's a sad day, but I also remember it as a happy day because they were growing up and becoming women. Women I helped to grow.
Love this as I always do.
Remembering age 11 (almost 49 years later) I would have appreciated the opportunity to speak privately with a physician about questions concerning puberty, etc. That subject was treated with way too much secrecy and children should have a trusted source of information in their lives.
I expect the best out of life and usually it measures up. When it falls short, deal with it and move on to better things!
Lets see where do I begin ? Number one I totally agree with you the world would be such a better place if people lived a simpler life and think simple as well ! Facebook I can live with it or without it alot of people use Facebook the wrong way like putting on there personal information on there and then when someone doesn't agree they get mad like I don't get it !
I just love how real you are k you share your opinions and not scared of speaking the truth . You always have great advise ! Hopefully everyone who reads your blog feels lucky to have you as a friend
Well said!
As for myself (I know, it's all about me) 🙂 I would have been happy if my mom had let me speak to someone about those issues such as you speak of, but oh no; she didn't and I didn't know a darn thing about puberty, etc.
I hope I did right about my own daughter but things didn't start to happen for her until she was about 15. And, by then we'd had the talk. 🙂
Like others, I appreciate the way you articulate your thoughts, and I "almost always) agree. LOL
xoxo
I'll add my voice to the 'you GO girl' cheer! Well said and ever so true.
Discussing problems, concerns, options, fears, decisions is one thing. A good thing. Whining, complaining and faultfinding which have no intent of seeking outcome (or what I think of as emotional diaper rash lol) is endemic – perhaps pandemic. While as you say it's everyone's personal choice it seems to me a waste of life. Of time. Of energy. Of heart. Interesting too is the fact that seldom does anyone seem to feel better for the their rant/drone regarding (fill in the blank with whatever issue/event).
My mamma always said if you have a problem, discuss it. Otherwise if you don't have something positive, productive or kind to say don't say anything at all (smart woman, my ma 🙂
If only people were drawn to share and speak as often of good, uplifting, positive events and experiences. It's something I'm working on daily (on occasion I have to take a stick to myself to get myself back in line, lol). But it does become easier with practice, with mindset.
Thank you (as so often) for a fascinating post!
Issy
a couple quick points ( well I guess not so quick after all)
a. I admire a physician that takes this stance and as an "open discussion" parent I would not have worried about anything my child had to say. We always discussed everything and quite early mind you. If it had been my kid they would have walked out and told me everything anyway and if not, that would have been just fine.
b. as wonderful as social media is, it has created or encouraged this sense of importance of everyone's opinion and likes and dislikes. We simply click on LIKE..well, or some do..I abhor FB and did it for about a minute. The tweets every second on Twitter as if your life is sooooo important that everyone is waiting with baited breath for your next picture of your Starbucks coffee…jeez…
c. when I speak of my small life – I mean it..small and content and happy. I love my blog and it has evolved naturally with good friends, support and love..I only have my toe into the social media pool.
'nuff for me lol
d. If you're going to stand up and shout and get in people's faces let it be about important issues, current genocide, health care, lack of quality education in the greatest nation, gun reform, the condition of our political system..oh the list is far too long…
Common sense needs to return to the masses – get off your agendas and find solutions..otherwise you are just noise and our great nation is headed where all annoying noise is…turned off.
as to that Mother – having a strong independent daughter is perhaps having a daughter who will not experiment with sex too early, will not allow herself to be pressured by peers with drugs, or pressured by any man because she is empowered. Who gives her that self esteem and strong will at age 11? her mom…..
Kahill Gibran
"On Children"
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.
wow- oldgreymare- can I just say amen! What a thoughtful and amazingly wise and insightful comment.
Because I have boys, the doctor has already asked me when they were about 10- to leave for part of the exam and so he can talk to them alone. I hope it prepares the boys to be able to independently build a relationship with a medical professional that sees them through well into the future.
I always assumed that I was training adults, not raising kids (an attitude that did not always sit well with teachers along the way, btw).
It used to upset my boyfriend to no end in the beginning that we would discuss everything at the dinner table, but I told him that if I didn't start the open discussion before it became relevant, when it was needed they would be teenagers and less likely to open up with me.
I can remember taking my daughter in to the doctor's for abdominal pain when she was about 15. The doc kept asking her if there was any chance she was pregnant (she was not sexually active). I finally asked if I should leave the room so that he would believe her answer. Turned out to be an ovarian cyst, but we were both a bit upset that the doc (who was not her regular guy) was so insensitive about her privacy. Gave us a good discussion point for dinner that night though, so I guess that was good.
When my children were 11, I might have taken a tad bit of offense at a doctor wanting to speak to them privately, I'm not sure since it never happened. I DO understand the need for a doctor to get the "entire picture" of the patient, even if they are a child and if they are mature enough, they should be able to do that.
What I don't understand, is why every fart and hangnail needs to be put out there on ANY KIND OF MEDIA.
Totally agree with you regarding Facebook!
I remember when my kids were young like that. I didn't particularly like them talking to the Dr. without me, but I also saw the importance of it to. Not all children come from families that honor them or protect them. There is a bigger picture out there than me getting my nose out of joint. There usually is a good reason for having a conversation with a child and the Dr. in my humble opinion would be negligent if he didn't.
Isn't it terrible how Facebook kinda makes you hate your friends? Maybe not true for everyone, but it was for me. I deactivated last summer during a scandal in the news that had people polarized. It was something so evil and wrong I couldn't believe anyone could stand on the other side in defense. Luckily my timing was good, a few weeks after I deactivated the chick-fil-a story started and then of course the election after that. I don't miss it at all!
I agree with you there are bigger things to be concern with without whingeing about a doctor wanting to talk to her daughter without mum being there.In Australia if your child isn't vaccinated they cant attend school.Which I think is good and that's how it should be-love dee x
You go girl – I'm with you!
Yes! Oldgraymare and womanseekingcenter you said everthing I needed to! Totally agree with you both and just have to say that all the comments are so insightful and heartwarming!