I shouldn’t write this post today, because the emotions that stormed in on me this morning are still brand new and raw. And yet here I go… can’t help my inclination to dump out the emotion du jour, as immediately as possible.
See this chick? That’s me this morning… before the bomb dropped. I took the picture because my profile pic in a few places is so -last year-. I’m currently growing my hair long, just because holy shit, I’m 51 !!!… and how long can you get away with long hair, you know? Some women pull it off in older age rather well. My grandmother Elsie wore hers in an elegant bun and it looked blond and fabulous till the end. I hate buns, and ponytails and clips and barrettes and headbands and scrunchies… because I can’t stand the feel of them on my head. … so that’s not going to be an option lest I go insane trying to deal with the phobia.. or headache of those contraptions.
Oh, the serenity.. the contentment that all was right with the world after some stressful times …… even liked my hair!!!…… it was a fine moment this morning…. lasted almost half a day.
We’ve just learned we are going to be (GASP)……
EMPTY NESTERS.
I envy those of you who actually LOOK FORWARD to the day. Oh, the happy dance I’ve seen some of you do when the last chick flew the coop and you settled in with a glass of wine or scotch on the rocks out on the porch to enjoy the quiet, to come back to the YOU or the TWO OF YOU that you were all those years ago, before the kids came along. Some of you are wishing for the day to hurry up and arrive, bemoaning the hustle and hassle that is often family life. That’s never been me. NO.. I rued the day.
Truth, I love my guy. Second truth – I have always identified strongly as a mom with all the mom stuff that comes with the territory of raising kids and having them, you know.. AROUND a lot. I like a house full of family. No, I love it. And now we’re going to be just two again… the kids out on their own, hopefully happily moving forward into adulthood and all it’s responsibilities.. and the two of us will rediscover what it is to be the two of us. I have faith in my kids for sure, and they won’t be very far away… but still.. the .. Empty… Nest.
We resurrected This Old House six years ago with all of the family still in -growing up- mode. Now, the entire second floor will be … vacant. As much as I love this house and we put every fiber of our being into bringing it back to life.. I look around today and feel the weight of it’s size.
Weird, this. The woman I see in the mirror… someone different now. Reluctantly. Why does a song from Metallica keep playing in my mind…
Here I go…. turn the page…..
