She stormed up the hill to where I was parked on campus. A night of shopping and eating were planned, as the college girl has a semi formal to attend next week. I knew from the fierceness of the gait there was something not quite right.
Driving in the rain, silence..and stairing at text on other appendage iphone. Do I dare wade into the dark and treacherous waters of young adult angst?
Me: So, do you want to look at dresses first or eat?
CG: I don’t care, whatever.
Me: uh-huh…. um, something wrong?
CG: Mom, I really don’t want to talk about it. As a matter of fact, I appreciate that you drove up here, but I really don’t even want to go shopping… or eat.
Me: Really? But this morning you were fine with it. What happened?
CG: Everything happened, OK? Nothing happened, actually. It’s just stupid..and I’m not telling you everything, so don’t even bother.
This is how the evening started, but it ended in a better place… atleast from where I was sitting.
I still find it strange and a bit sad that people do important things via text…. like fighting or breaking up or making up or reprimanding or … well…. any thing that would be much better represented face to face. That can’t be a good trend for the future of humanity.
I try to keep my opinion to myself, not one of my strong points. I remember those days so clearly. When it came to matters of the heart, did I want to hear the voice of reason? Would it have made a difference in the outcome? Probably not. No… definitely not.
It’s ironic that we eventually have the knowledge that sure would have helped when we were younger and making important decisions about the future. I want my kids to benefit from things I learned through my own mistakes, but it doesn’t often work that way.
and sometimes we have to just
let..it..be.
I, too have a difficult time keeping my feelings/ideas/opinions to myself. I am a work in progress, that's for sure!
Oh, I have been there, Karen. Why are we always the enemy? I have gone as far as to tell my daughters to put their phones away while we are together…to not even answer a call or text. It really pi%%$# me off. I tell them my time is like a diamond…precious and one of a kind. I wonder if they listened.
XO,
Jane
Ohhhhh don't we wish we could pass on everything we found out along the way…sigh…I told my husband that I want a do-over but I want to do it awake this time! ha! Letting go of these precious little beings of our is so hard! Your photos are amazing in capturing the story! xo
I think my girls just missed the era of having to text every minute….but I still remember that quiet, heavy, brooding adolescent angst which would follow us everywhere at times. Just be happy that she apppreciated your effort:)
Uh, it NEVER works that way. We would like to save our kids the anguish of youth, but we can't.
I have learned …..somewhat the hard way…..that you just love them, be there, give your opinion if asked, truthfully, then shut the blank UP.
Sounds like you did a good job.
Sounds very much like something I've been thru….really, deja vu!!! Hope she's better now and thankful to her sweet mamma for coming to see her and shop with her.
Suzanne
Ugh. I'm not looking forward to those days. If only we could fix it all.
Hang in there! I'm right there with you.
A couple of years ago when my son wanted to break up with his girlfriend, he did it in person. He told me that most kids do it via text. Even though I was sad about the situation, I was proud of him for handling it the way he did.
Glad you found her a dress.
Pam
Hi Karen~
I have a fifteen-year-old daughter and an almost 18-year-old son. My dear sweet daughter is definitely more challenging to be with when things are not going her way.
It is hard to be there and be supportive without stepping in too far — like my mom always did!
My mom was about tough love and she was never supportive or understanding when it came to matters of the heart.
(That's one family trait I am trying very hard NOT to pass down!)
Hang in there…. it's all you/we can do.
Go play that Taylor Swift song called something like—- "I had the best day with you, today" Makes me cry every time I hear it. (About a mother and her daughter.)
🙂
xoxox
Great post.
Alison
The texting thing is out of hand. I see people texting while watching live theater and it makes me want to rip the phone out of their hands.
I so agree about the important things needing to be done face to face or at least in a live conversation on the phone. Don was just lamenting the fact that his niece asked him to play at her wedding via a Facebook message. Hmmm. He thinks that kind of thing merits a phone call. So do I.
It surely is a different time.
xo
Claudia
I sure would give more advice if I thought it would be well received! But I keep quiet and let my sons go there on way for the most part! Times have changed…and we don't get the respect we gave our moms and grandmothers. I know they appreciate us though! ♥
Oh- I know–if only we could wave that magic wand and make our kids' lives perfect…if only they would GET IT.
I understand that uncomfortable silence–the YOU DON'T GET IT, MOM silence…and I DON'T CARE TO HELP YOU GET IT silence…Congratulations for stepping back and waiting~it is not easy to do!
I refuse to text! My kids are furious with me- they all text-it is SO MUCH EASIER- Seriously? Really? I mean I'm a great typist but if you want to TALK to me-pick up the other end of the phone and DIAL baby DIAL! lol There are some things I won't give on- I know, awful, huh?
Have a great night-Diana
I would never, never, ever want to back in time and be in my late teens/early 20's AGAIN!
I look back at situations and wonder…why didn't I do that or this different? I guess because I didn't know any better. Ah, the knowledge we gain as we get older!
In a way my heart breaks for her. Because I remember that feeling that no one would *get it*!
And I so understand your frustration, Karen and maybe a little hurt~
I know I hurt my mom's feelings a million times over. Good thing I grew up. Ha! And she is still smarter than me!!!
Well done post. Accurate description of today's society and their (our) addiction to technology. I'm using the word 'our' loosely because I don't consider myself addicted to technology (she said while stroking her laptop).
I will be 59 my birthday and when my daughters went through those stormy relationships, I did too! Our family knows we will forgive but for the rest of the world, it's just rude. Maybe it's because I'm old that my fuse is so short!
Much easier said than done! My middle son used to tell me, "Mom, you have to let us fall on our own a$$!" Yup.
(((hugs))) I can't stand the endless phone crap. My SIL was here recently and seriously she used her phone as much as my 15 year old – for the same stupid crap – games and texting and blah blah … makes me INSANE.
My daughter always said raising a boy was easier. Those times don't go away when the daughter's grow up; then, there's the granddaughters. 🙂
You can only try to share your experiences with gentle guidance and hope for the best.
Hang in there–the advice is seldom welcome, but the day comes when — youngest (wild child) daughter who kept me up nights praying for her safety, presents me with a card on Mother's Day soon after becoming a first time mom herself. It reads: Mom's Priceless Art Treasures – the handprint, the portrait (stick person picture), the clay thing (blob)-Wishing you a Mother's Day you'll always treasure–She hand writes to me: "Thanks for all you do, I understand it now, more than ever". NEVER thought I would ever hear that from her, but priceless treasure!
Everything that happens to them at this age is soooooo important. It really does get better. Small comfort for now though.
Been there done that. Do you know I have to say please don't bring your cell phones to the dinner table. My mother has an expression that has helped me through the years while raising my children. It goes like this. "You can't put a old head on young shoulders".
Been there, done that! I just wished my daughter would have read that text she got her freshmen year in college, and hadn't wasted 3 more years on such a numb-nut.
I sure can relate to this one. Mine is 25 and I still feel that FEELING….that feeling that something is wrong…but do I really want to know….how to approach the situation…it is difficult…even now! And I always get…hold on Ma…then I hear click, click, click…tap, tap, tap…ta da…TEXT SENT!! It is irritating. But, they prefer to do everything via text. I do text…and sometimes it is faster…other times, I just want to TALK!!! These kids…it truly is another world!! Glad you had fun with the dresses and shoes!!
I see you spent some time with my daughter today …
You are a wise mama and I admire your ability to stay out of it.
A huge downside to texting is the immediacy of it. No time to sit and ponder a situation, let emotions cool down, or think carefully before you reply. Especially in the hormonally volatile world of teens.
My daughter at the age of 40 just told me that she has learned that she is "happier without things"…I thought "one down, one to go." Perhaps my son will get there too some day!…:)JP
That was one of the most difficult things I had to do was to let go and let them figure it out on their own.
Necessary, but oh, so heartbreaking at times.
Love this post. The photos are wonderful. And yes, after raising 3 girls I know those shopping trips…and no, we can tell them all we want but they have to learn their own lessons. I just keep plenty of kleenex and chocolate ready! 🙂
That's it… Jemma is not allowed to grow up. She must remain 5 forever. Ughhhh… hang in there. I got nothing more for you than hang in there, but by the time Jemma is that age, you will be old pro and guide me through the treacherous waterways. But she isn't allowed to grow up so I will just have to follow you on your journey!
I hate the texting thing. I text for silly things like "pick up bread" or "coming home soon?" that is about it as I wanted to beat my SIL to a pulp over email. They can come across so hateful and mean whether they meant it that way or not. Good ol' face to face time is what I expect!
they do have to walk the path themselves don't they…soooo hard!!! buddists have a way of saying that it does you no good if you are hungry and someone else eats the meal. if you are hungry, then you are the one who must eat. so here's to eating our salads and letting them eat theirs too! xoxo