Tag: Family

Barn Building

Barn building continues….

  An old dead stand of cedar trees out back have been cut to use for fence posts.

 

   Two-three weeks and the equine members of our family will be home again 🙂
Happy Fathers Day
  to my guy – couldn’t have planned for a better father to our children
and also to all the wonderful Dads out there ~

The Tides

I remember as if it were yesterday….
waiting on the front stoop…
listening for the jingle of keys…
hoping for the chance to hop in the car with him to go get gas at the station,
or a gallon of milk and a carton of cigarettes at Buds Deli
on the corner of Maine and Manor,
or epoxy glue and more balsa wood
for his model planes at Reimans Hardware.
And….. I remember, as if it were yesterday..
 the long silences in the middle years…
the distance between us and the anger…. always the anger.
His and mine.
The years roll on
as they always do.
I’ve matured.
He’s aged.
OK  -I’ve aged too, just hush.
 As I mature, I see that sometimes..
it’s just as well to let sleeping dogs lie.
There aren’t always answers to the “whys”…
and we don’t always really need them.
Sometimes there just isn’t an answer.
But there can be a solution
if you ..just..let..it..go.  
It’s enough to just be in the present.
To enjoy the moments of what is..
not what was or could have been.
But I do wonder…
just in what particular moment….
When exactly was it…

 that I started worrying when he
arrived later than he was supposed to…
…When he didn’t answer the phone all day…
…When the road conditions were iffy..
…the footing slippery..
…the refrigerator too empty…
..the pills not remembered…
When did the Tides turn?

It seemed like a good idea at the time

 Last night Junior decided to have a bonfire in the firepit and invited a few friends over.  Then it was a sleepover.  So at 9:30 the husband went to Stop & Shop and got burgers, hotdogs, marshmallows for the smores deal, and there was a late night grilling session.  Then someone thought it would be really cool to set up the tent and sleep outside. 

I took these photos from my spy area, the porch behind a shrowd of darkness because moms aren’t supposed to be anywhere near the camp vicinity, you know.

 

I warned that it was still kinda chilly,
 but at 15 these things don’t phase you.

But rain does.
 No one bothered to check the forecast, and that includes me. 
So at 4am, voices were heard climbing the stairs to the bedroom
where there would be no blankets or pillows
or even an air mattress
because  they were ALL
here.
Soaked.

 So much for rough’n it.

A Semi Formal Education

    This Mothers Day weekend I learned three things –  1. -Just how grown up my son is becoming,  2. how only young people can truly walk in these shoes and pull it off gracefully – (this ability is no longer in my grasp)   – and  3. how FORMAL Freshman semi-formals have become.  This ain’t your mother’s semi-formal, I can tell you that.

 This couple was just so handsome, love the blue hues between them…
 Can I have a do-over?

How to be a really awesome totally cool Mom…

  You didn’t really think I’d have the answer, now, did ya?   

 I can tell you what NOT to do…..

Me:  … (walking over to picnic table full of soccer boys with two pizzas and two liters of soda)

Him:   Thanks mom!…. (and all start devouring said pizza & soda)

Me:  Can I have a sip of your coke please?…

Him:   Um No.

Me:  Are you kidding?  Just a sip!

Him:  NO mom.   I don’t want your germs!….get your own.

Me:  There are no more cups, can I just have a sip??…..

 ( I’m thinking, I  just drove 200 miles to and from a soccer game on a freezing  cold afternoon, catered to their care and comfort  and stopped at pizza place so they could  refuel.  The least I can expect is a sip of soda, right? Too much to ask???)

Him:   Uh-uh.

Me:  You do know that THIS body made the body YOU LIVE IN, right?  YOU CAME FROM ME.  SO… my germs are your germs, kid.  Give me a  freak’n sip.

Yeah… so… don’t ever remind them of that if you want to be considered a really awesome totally cool Mom.  Especially when they are sitting at the table eating pizza with six other 11 year olds. 

Really… don’t.  
Happy Mothers Day, all….

Firsts

 Today was a big day for these two.
My little man and niece….
She is at her first big horse show with her first horse, Dude…
 ..and He is outside washing his first vehicle, which we picked up this morning.
I’m pretty sure it was spotless at the dealership…
but since we won’t be driving it for a year or so,
 I guess there will be a lot of washing & waxing.  
He’s been saving up his money and talking about his first vehicle since he was about three, no joke. This one needs some work, so he’ll have plenty of time to do what needs doing alongside his Dad until he actually gets his license.
Lord help me. 
Please.


Ric

 My cousin Ric was a handsome guy – rock star looks with out the snarly.  Even better -he was a kind hearted old soul with an ear for music – a drummer and sometimes singer who’s potential was never realized.  Unfortunately, his constant companion throughout his adult life was alcoholism.  He tried many times to kick it to the curb, but it kicked right back and the last time…the curb took his life.  How ironic.

 I didn’t see him often, as he always lived states away, but when I did, I adored him… with his rock star good looks and his musical ability and that big heart and smile that brought you right into his circle when you were near. He had the same twinkle in his eye as his father, brothers and sister… and I think a little of the depression that plagued his beautiful mothers soul.

 I remember the last conversation we had in my mothers kitchen… he was in a bad place, struggling so hard to come back to “normal”. He had two beautiful kids and a granddaughter who he loved very much. He wanted so much to stay healthy and sober so he could spend more time with them.  I was giving him all the advice a person who’s never been in his shoes would typically say, and I feel stupid  now thinking I had any answers for him.  I didn’t have a clue as to what he was really up against.

 My cousin, who is a gifted writer and was once a ballerina – wrote a moving tribute yesterday on her blog about her brother. This had to be a very painful process for her.  They were a close family all their lives despite hardships – and there have been many.  Until reading this post,  I didn’t quite know what Rics last days on this earth looked like and it breaks my heart in two. He deserved better.

http://augustinesconfessions.blogspot.com/

l to r – My sister, Ric’s brother and wife, my Nana in purple – and behind her  my little guy on the shoulder of my big guy along with baby niece “S”,  Ric’s sister in pale blue with husband behind her and Ric on the right. 

So much has changed since I took this picture.

Live your moments

 In the checkout line she looked at my cake mix and two candle numbers and said “Do you have a 51 or a 15?”  ..and I quickly replied… “15!!! –  no 51’s yet!”  We laughed.  It’s not that many years away… the 51. I need to stop mentally reading that as “Omg… I’m this number already.”   It needs to read more like… Thank you thank you for every moment of the years I’m given.  I’m reminded through some of my blog friends out there, (you know who you are) just how precious life is.  These blog friends have taught me a thing or two about grace under pressure.  Gratitude for life.  I want you to know,   I’m working on it…every moment… and I thank you for the message.

So this is what 15 looks like…

These guys have been hanging around together since Kindergarten.
I love that they get to do that.  

Live your moments