Tag: life

Sometimes Sucking Up is Wise

… like  when it’s Hay Day here at the farm.  Nothing more pleasant than unloading scratchy 70 lb. hay bales – 200 of them-  into a hot hayloft on a beautiful summer day.  My guys look forward to it every year! The excitement builds as the day comes closer and spirits just soar at the prospect! 

NOT.

Allergies soar at the prospect, and I do a happy dance because my loft will be full with good quality second cut hay that will last me an entire year.  That’s about the extent of the excitement.

 So, because I know my guy is going to cough up the money for this deal and the labor as well, I figure I better make it worth his while.  There are two ways to do this…  let’s talk about the secret to entering a mans heart is through his stomach.  Yeah.. THAT ONE.
 

 
 
 
One word –  Lasagna.

 
 
 

Death of a Salesman


 Of all the people in all the world, I would not have guessed that Robin Williams could ever take his own life.   I think it’s safe to assume most of us considered him a brilliant comedian with many faces, none of which betrayed the apparent pain of the man beneath the masks.   Exuberent, a real zest for life,  hilarious!, spontaneous, genius,  brutally honest,  a family man as well as one of the most talented and creative actors of our time.  These are words I would use to describe him.  He sold us on what appeared to be one very funny man hooked on life. 

So we’re left with the obvious question…. How could a man in possession of so much that is good.. choose to end it all in such a tragic way?   He leaves behind a family who loved him… he had to know this choice would scar his family and leave them with painful unanswered questions forever.

  I thank my stars frequently that I do not suffer from depression in the ways that torment so many. It must be a tremendous cross to bear.   We all experience bouts of depression at some point in our lives for various reasons, but that type of depression is a different animal all together.  From what I can gather, there isn’t a rhyme or reason for clinical depression, only the crushing sadness and despair.  Ironic that some of the funniest men have fallen victim to the disease …Chris Farley, John Belushi, Freddie Prinz, Richard Prior… often turning to substance abuse and sometimes suicide to deal with  or end the emotional pain.   Did their comic genius have something to do with their depression?  Perhaps a way to survive was to nurture the extreme opposite.  Sad irony – that he was so good at getting us all to laugh and forget our own troubles for a while…but it wasn’t enough to save himself.

Well written piece HERE if you’re interested.

Up the river with two paddles

 Because this ain’t sh*t’s creek 🙂

 It’s a glorious summer day here in New England and we took full advantage by throwing Ruby and Torch in the back of the truck and setting out just over the bridge in the Salmon River.

 
  My experience is that being surrounded by the beauty of nature, especially these bodies of water I’m lucky to live near, washes away the anxieties that are life. When I push out into the river and take a deep breath in, I feel the stresses leave me as the salty air refreshes, invigorates, heals.  

  Have you gotten your dose of natural beauty today?  Step away from the chaos of the TV, the news, the papers, the computer, your phone!….  Drop your cares at the door.. go find it, drink it up, soak it in.   Life is short, friends.  Go live it –



The Price of Speaking Up

  If you’ve been reading this blog for a while  or are a part of my life in some way, it’s no secret that I can be outspoken when it comes to things I’m passionate about… animal welfare, human rights, justice, injustice  and fair play in our political system and in how we treat each other… especially in how we treat each other.

  Because this is part of my personality, it means I will never be liked by everyone. That used to bother me. When youth  should have been an asset, it hindered me because I cared.  I wanted to please people, I wanted to be liked by everyone, I wanted to do no wrong in the eyes of anyone at all.  To be clear and honest  here,  it didn’t stop me from doing stupid things on occasion or speaking up and maybe even being a royal pain in the ass sometimes, but  it wounded me tremendously when there was the inevitable backlash from whomever might be the disapproving party.

  Have I always been right in my assessments?  Nope.  Through 50 year old eyes I can see that sometimes I have jumped to a conclusion without doing enough research and reacted in a way that I would choose to rescind now if the opportunity were available.  Do I know for certain that it is in every fiber of my being to want all good things for the men, women, children and living creatures of this earth? Without a doubt.  So instead of just shutting up and avoiding the waves,  I hope I’m learning to swim with a better rhythm and some compassion and understanding for those who see things differently.  I don’t care anymore that I’m not going to have everyones approval, that’s an impossible dream.  I’ve let it go.  I  try to remember to ask myself – am I doing this for the right reasons? How important is it to voice my opinion, to take a stand? Is there a better way to make a difference or approach this situation that doesn’t involve my ego or my opinion that quite possibly may be off?  If I manage to get through all that in a positive way, then the result should be worth the effort.

 My message today is this – and of course it’s just my opinion. Whoever you are, whatever you believe in… don’t be afraid to stand up for what you know is right.  Don’t stand by and watch as things happen around you   – or to you –  just because it might not be popular with someone or align with anothers point of view.  The only way to effectively change negative behaviors, practices, abuses, injustices in our world is to take action, to speak up, to DO something.  What that entails will depend on the situation and your willingness to be a part of the change.  The approach is important too. It’s easy to let anger control how we handle a situation, but that’s never the best way. I’ve learned this the hard way.     Keep a level head and an open mind.    Small steps can lead to big changes for the better. Don’t be afraid to make a wave or two when you are working for the common good. You sure hope you do!

And that’s all I have to say about that.

When Life is Unfair

 This is the story of Amanda & Chris –  two young people in our community  who have just been hit with one horrific diagnosis in what should have been the best years of their lives.  I’m repeating their story here because these are two individuals who have been so giving of themselves to others. Now they need help and I can’t think of anyone more deserving.

Colleen K.,  almost killed in a bike accident when hit by a motorist, flatlined twice while being transported to the hospital.  This is where Amanda entered her story, just one of many…… Amanda Bernier from Madison Ambulance Association, helped administer life-saving medical support and then held her hand over Colleen’s heart to comfort her en route to the hospital

*****

ALS. Amyotrophic lateral sclerosis. Lou Gehrig’s Disease. Amanda Bernier’s diagnosis hit only days after she and her husband Chris received joyous, surprising news: They were expecting their first child, their miracle, the baby they’d wished for during years of working side by side as firefighters and emergency medical first responders. But something was wrong. A runner who had raced only weeks before, Amanda felt her legs giving out as she climbed into a fire truck when answering yet another emergency call from her community. Chris helped support her up the high, metal steps. Nothing like this had happened during the years they’d both served as “Nomads,” volunteers with the North Madison Volunteer Fire Company whose motto is “Neighbors Helping Neighbors.” ALS had begun to change their lives forever.

And quickly, too. Since that day on the truck, Amanda and Chris have learned she has the most aggressive form of the disease.

What does ALS mean for Amanda? ALS is a progressive neurodegenerative disease that causes the deterioration of motor neurons. As Amanda’s motor neurons die, her brain will no longer be able to control her voluntary muscle movements and consequently, her muscles will atrophy. She has already begun to lose the ability to move her arms and legs and will lose the power to talk, swallow and breathe. Eventually paralysis will set in and then, death. There is no cure or treatment.

But there is life. That little heartlight inside Amanda is already 18 weeks along, and she and Chris are going for broke for their unborn child, knowing that pregnancy accelerates the progression of ALS. Within weeks, Amanda’s condition has worsened to the point where she can no longer walk and has lost over fifty percent of her respiratory capacity. She is living as long and strong as she can for the sake of “Peanut,” as she and Chris are calling their little girl. (They have just learned the exciting news that Peanut is a girl at this week’s appointment!) What a gift it would be for Amanda to meet Peanut in person, to see her own daughter face to face. She doesn’t know if she will.

Let’s make that meeting happen by easing summertime and their current living situation in ways that make every day healthier and therefore happier for Amanda and Chris. Together our financial gifts can relieve them of their stressors so that they can focus their energies on Amanda’s well‐being and on her living a rich life not only up to that face‐to‐face moment with Peanut, but long after.

Here’s what the Berniers need most:
1) Space. Amanda and Chris live in a 780‐ square foot home. They need space for a bedroom apart from the main living area. Amanda will need a hospital bed, a Hoyer Lift, a commode and additional medical equipment. Presently, she cannot fit her wheelchair through the bedroom or kitchen doors. The tiny kitchen will also require modifications providing space for more than one person to prepare meals and for wheelchair accessibility.
2) A wheelchair van. Otherwise Amanda will be homebound.
3) Funds for future medical bills. The bills will be astronomical. Amanda is still working as a scientist in a biotech company despite being unable to walk and breathe easily. Chris is the Chief of Madison Emergency Medical Services and serves as a Deputy Chief with the North Madison Volunteer Fire Company. As hard as they’re working, they can’t make nearly enough to pay for the expenses ahead.

Both Amanda and Chris are known for helping neighbors on their worst days. They do it for no reason other than because helping others feels right. It’s in their blood. They come from long lines of firefighting and first‐responding grandfathers, father, brother and uncles. Saving others is what they do, what they’ve always done and what they know. Amanda and Chris have consistently been the ones who appear; they’re the ones who have shown up gentle and skilled and caring in our dark nights to help us when we’ve called for help.

And now they need us through the days and nights ahead.

A few weeks ago Amanda turned 30. Let’s make her birthday last. Let’s help her live well; let’s help Chris help her; let’s see them through to the day when they count the fingers and toes of that baby‐girl heartlight all the world can see. Let’s put our hearts together and be with them on the road. For what you do for them: Thank you, because you do it for all of us. And may your kindness come back to you in love, gratitude and joy for every day on this earth. Shine on.

_________________________________________________

 
GoFundMe account HERE

If you prefer sending a check, please make payable to Christopher Bernier and mail to,

Christopher Bernier
c/o Barb Minges
50 Bradley Corners Rd.
Madison, CT 06443

 
 

Thorns

  I want to know my truest self as a kind, considerate, compassionate individual.  If you read my drivel often enough, you know I spend a good deal of my free time helping shelter dogs find homes and contributing to my community in various ways.  Leave a place better than you found it –  I love that simple line.   It feels good to do so, it nourishes my soul… sounding as corny as I can get here today.

  But sometimes.. I get it all wrong. Thorns on the rose, you know.

  Again… if you read my drivel often enough here… you also know I speak my mind quite openly and without apology. I am opinionated and I am stubborn and I am stuffed full with emotion…… always have been, forever it shall be.   This is a good thing most often… for that fire helps me get  the good things done. And then there are times.. like yesterday.

  I started out with good intentions. I knew what I was walking into.. but as I drove to yesterdays destination I told myself I was not going to let emotion dictate my behavior.  A certain elder relative and I have had a difficult relationship through the years. We are oil and water.    The stubbornness we share.    Because of the thorny issues between us, it is hard for me in his waning years to find compassion and do what I know is right….that is…  Find compassion to do what he needs done and leave the emotion out of it.  Sometimes I succeed, and sometimes I fail miserably.  Like yesterday. 

  For many years this person has chosen to live haphazardly and has, for reasons still unknown to me, chosen to live a life with “Poor Me” underscores.  He lived according to his own set of rules and did what he wanted most often enough without much regard for others.  He followed his passions , was blessed with good health until he ruined it, but did not nourish friendships or family relationships. So in the end, there isn’t much if you can no longer chase your hobbies.  Where the -poor me- came from is beyond my understanding, and maybe even his.

   So now… I am (as is my husband, because without his support it wouldn’t be possible) the one and only lifeline, his key to still living independently.  I don’t know that he realizes it, but at his age and in his condition, it really doesn’t matter, does it.  I should have long ago realized that a leopard is a leopard is a leopard.  Throwing it through a washer is not going to wash away the spots.  Acceptance is what I usually think I have found.  Sometimes, though,  I lose it. Like yesterday. 

  I walked in, saw what I already knew would be there and thought I had long ago accepted, felt his attitude building as I asked questions, felt my own attitude roil and bubble and then.. burst.   I should have just…. shut ….up.

 Instead, I probably shamed an old man.   And now I feel horribly about it. 

  

 

Current Events

    Did you have a subject in grade school  called “Current Events”?   While I was mucking stalls this morning, gazing out over foggy fields and mulling over the days headlines, a fond memory floated in.  Me..clipping articles out of the Staten Island Advance for my “current events” assignments in Mr. Rowans  and Mr. Fiores class. I can still smell the white sticky paste with the accompanying brush I used to put the clippings in my marble notebook.   I loved that part of our school day, because we were talking about the stuff  that was occurring right outside in the real world. To this day I know for certain I should have been a journalist.   Not the kind that sensationalizes or falsifies to -get a story- that will sell.  But one who uncovers truths and helps set things right, brings attention to issues that need the attention, etc.

 Anyway, we’ve got all kinds of news out there right now, controversy everywhere. Want to discuss?  Hang on tight, I’ll ramble here a little and you let me know what you’re thinking on one or more of the subjects if you’re so inclined.  You don’t have to agree with me or any others, but please keep it respectful.

Don Sterling… Congratulations to the NBA for making a strong statement – racism will not be tolerated in their league. They said it as strongly as the law will allow, and I applaud the decision.  Racism should be a thing of our shameful past, and yet it still exists.  I’m glad one more assh*le has been called out on it and will pay a dear price, even though he’s 120 years old and won’t really feel it for very long. Especially since he stand to gain approximately $500 million in the forced sale of his beloved mostly black team.    Ironic, isn’t it?… that his mistress is of  african american and hispanic heritage.  And he chose to own a team in a sport that is predominantly black and has made much money off the efforts of his hard working team.   This is filed under the category of – Things that make you go Hmmm……  –     That being said, perhaps it is a bit disconcerting that we can be recorded and judged by things we say in our own home, in what we believe is a private conversation.  I struggle between the two issues, because what he had to say, his attitude, was so vile to my ears I love to see the guy suffer publicly. I don’t like to think we have lost another right to privacy.   It was also said by a friend of mine that people like Al Sharpton get away with racist crap all the time, and I agree!  However, THIS guy was called out on it, and I feel every ass that is caught and exposed is one more ass that didn’t ‘get away with it.  Better than nothing.

The Hunt For Flight 370.    Is this getting utterly ridiculous now, or what?  They hear pings, they don’t hear pings, they get satellite recordings, they don’t have satellite recordings.  There is some oil slick discovery, it’s not an oil slick discovery.  There are pieces of what might be a plane on sonar, it’s not pieces of a plane on sonar. Another plane discovered possibly, but not that one.  There might be some wreckage from the flight, it’s not wreckage from the flight. The search narrows, the search expands, the search changes direction, the search continues… and continues… and continues.   I feel so badly for the families who would really like some answers, but I want to tell them to please not look at the ridiculous news coverage anymore, it must be driving them crazy, quite literally.   It seems bizarre that in this age of so many ways to track something, we have no f-ing clue what happened to that plane and it’s people or where it might be located.

A Botched Execution .  Well, what to say here.  I believe in the death sentence for violent criminals with a long history with the law who commit horrible crimes such as rape and subsequent murder.  The Boston bomber?  No remorse even?… give it to him.   The most recent botched execution involves a man who no doubt died a miserable death, but his victim did too… raped and buried alive, therefore murdered.  Her killer didn’t worry about being humane when he brutalized her.  So how much concern should I have for his death being humane?   But again, I’m conflicted, because two wrongs don’t make a right.  And I find it hard to believe that we can’t figure out how to humanely euthanize our Death-Sentence citizens if we’ve decided we are indeed going to execute them.  Is it really that hard? 

The Weather  Whew! Safe topic. I hope you are all staying warm and dry – looks like the sun is trying to burn through the fog here and the rain has stopped. We have flooding in low lying areas and my husband is cursing prolifically this moring as he makes his way around the job sites witnessing the water distruction and work that will need to be redone, repairs to be made.  Prayers to those who have been affected in a big way and have suffered terrible losses due to the tornado and flood issues across the states… scarey deal, this extreme weather trend in recent years. Makes you wonder how far it will go.

It’s a new day, all.  Try not to say anything offensive in your private conversations because your soon to be ex or 50 years younger mistress or boyfriend might be exacting their revenge. Try to be in range of a storm cellar at all times if you can help it, be on the lookout for plane wreckage wherever you may be, and steer clear of any criminal activity that might land you in the execution chair, because they don’t know what they’re doing yet and it might get a little ugly, apparently.

*sigh* – Just sayin.

Show Glow

 
So much work goes into showing horses, especially with the specialized breeds, like quarter horse.  There are the lessons year round, the training of the horse if needed, the conditioning regardless, the clothes, the tack, the daily care, and most importantly the bond you build with your horse as you work toward your goals.   In my opinion,  that’s the most important part.  K and Max have an ease and confidence in each other which is so important in getting things right in the show pen.  Max is beyond his prime at 19 years of age, and K treats him with the kindness he deserves after many years in the show pen.  He actually whinnies when he hears her approaching, knowing the treats are in hand. In return, he has taught her well and given her the confidence to get out there and do it.
 
 Some of the other members of our team seen below, such an easy subject to photograph, and they are all tolerant of my lens 🙂
 

  This young lady (Max’s previous owner)  is  already
quite the rider at just 11 years of age.
She is seen her with her new horse –
a young gelding that is learning the ropes along with her.
 
 
Trainers are constantly working with their students, even right before
a class, to go over patterns, techniques, tips for showing off your horse
to the best of your ability.

Practice, practice, practice…… 

 
 
Gleaming coats, beautiful faces, polished silver…. 

 
 
 
Waiting their turn, practicing, practicing….
Do you see KMax?

There are several patterns to study during a weekend –showmanship seen here…
Trail patterns, horsemanship patterns and equitation.
 
 
 
..and the endless primping.

Lots of waiting, too.  This weekend was a cold and windy one,
this is where I give the participants a whole lot of credit for
sticking it out.  There’s no doubt, horse show people are a dedicated crew.
 

 
 
 
I am so thankful that we have this opportunity to be a part of something that has given my daughter  a new confidence after a horrific ordeal.  She has an awesome horse to love on and compete with,  and she knows what it takes to accomplish goals and does the hard work to get there.  
 
It’s been a while now, eight years to be exact. Seems like yesterday to me, If I could only have seen these pictures back then…..
 
I remember saying to myself in the heart of the most horrible time as I sat on a hospital outdoor retaining wall trying to squash the heavy coat of anxiety I wore daily…… …can I just see a snapshot of what a few years from now might look like? But please, only if it’s good.  Then maybe I won’t lose my mind here.
 
 
I didn’t lose my mind, and we survived. We.  I have no idea why the writing of this particular post took me into that territory.  But I won’t delete it, so there it is.
 

 
 
This snapshot, of our life now?…. It’s a beautiful thing.



A beginning and an end

I would have liked this post to announce the joys of Spring, renewal, the feeling of Resurrection I associate with Easter and its traditions.   Indeed I have begun the cooking and other preparations for this evenings extended family feast here at This Old House.  Dyed eggs are in their basket and the sweet bread is on the table with fruit, along with my kiddos Easter baskets full of chocolate and peeps and t-shirts, etc.

   Sadly, we received news last night of the passing of a troubled man who had worked for us on and off for many years.  He was a good soul, troubled by substance abuse demons he couldn’t seem to kick to the curb.  Tim always reminded me of a big kid who hadn’t quite grown up… still loved a good laugh or practical joke,  time  spent with friends, a fishing pole, a frisbee, tie-dyed t-shirts and the Grateful Dead.  He loved his music!    He also loved to dull his anxieties with -the stuff- and in the end it did him in.  At 45, too young.  
 
   Drug and alcohol addiction is a horrible disease.  If you think all of those who become ensnared in it’s death grip are loser lowlife no-conscience abusers,  you are wrong.  It can happen to anyone, some of us are more vulnerable than others.    My last encounter with Tim was at the grocery store parking lot… when he saw me coming toward him he jokingly ducked behind his car and then came around and we hugged big.  I told him he looked good and I hoped all was going well for him.  I meant it.

 Be kind the next time you encounter someone you may know is struggling, doesn’t matter that you don’t approve of their situation.  You have no idea what they are living with and you never know if it’s the last time you’ll see them.  Don’t be afraid or too busy to reach out, either. Sometimes, that is the one thing that saves them.  We all wish we had one more chance to reach out to Tim. Just one more.

   Today I will cook for my family, enjoy the laughter and the shared stories,  the jokes round the table and even the political banter, because we are lucky to be here together. To have this food to share, these stories to tell..and to do it without the demons sitting on our shoulder. 

 Rest in Peace, Tim.  We will miss you.
 

  

Perspective

 Saw this posted on facebook – had to share.  Couldn’t agree more.

An apparently spontaneous attack on a 93 year old woman by a recently adopted ( alleged) Put bull type dog with no record of aggression in a local town and then… another breed close to my heart biting the face of a family member resulting in 200 stitches has me thinking and pondering motive. I’m often asked why, because people want to understand what causes a sudden attack. I don’t have all the answers. Whenever I’m not sure I look to human behaviour ( sorry I just have to spell it the British way) for clues and ultimately answers.

My conclusion is that sometimes we will never know. And here is why:
Newtown school CT, Fort Hood Army base Texas, Columbine high school CO, Franklin high school Pittsburgh PA, Aurora movie theatre. To name just a few.
Sadly the list of humans who apparently snap and go on killing sprees is endless. And there are those with absolute motive such as the most recent killing of three people at a Jewish community centre in Kansas by a KKK member.

The point is that whilst attacks on people by dogs or any other animals are terrible, they are still very low compared to the number of dogs and humans on the planet and must be kept in perspective. Humans attack one another daily, often without motive, leaving us vulnerable and questioning society, but we don’t ban humans because that’s just not reality. We look to understand the early warning signs so that future tragedies may be avoided. An example was the young man who killed so many children in our home state of Connecticut. He did not fit the typical mould of a mass killer.
We understand so little about one another yet we insist other species share our lives, demanding virtual perfection and wonder why things go wrong when we expect so much compliance from them and they fall short of our expectations.

Maybe we should lighten up a little on those other species when we the superior species just cannot get it right; at least not all of the time. We must hold ourselves more accountable before judging lesser species. A little perspective never hurt anyone.

 – Amen.