It is easy to mourn the lives we aren’t living. Easy to wish we’d developed other talents, said yes to different offers. Easy to wish we’d worked harder, loved better, handled our finances more astutely, been more popular, stayed in the band, gone to Australia, said yes to the coffee or done more bloody yoga.
It takes no effort to miss the friends we didn’t make and the work we didn’t do and the people we didn’t marry and the children we didn’t have. It is not difficult to see yourself through the lens of other people, and to wish you were all the different kaleidoscopic versions of you they wanted you to be. It is easy to regret, and keep regretting, ad infinitum, until our time runs out.
But it is not the lives we regret not living that are the real problem. It is the regret itself. It’s the regret that makes us shrivel and wither and feel like our own and other people’s worst enemy.
We can’t tell if any of those other versions would have been better or worse. Those lives are happening, it is true, but you are happening as well, and that is the happening we have to focus on. ~Matt Haig
(Book: The Midnight Library)
I love that passage so much! I also read the book, and while it wasn’t one of my favorite reads, it’s a good one… and that group of text above? Spot on. Who among us hasn’t dreamed another dream, had a few regrets, wasted too much time on what isn’t. And we all know, life is short and too precious for such nonsense. I am a firm believer in making the best of every day, even when I catch myself doing anything but. Then I readjust the sails.
The new barn has been a Godsend here on the farm. Both of our girlies are very pregnant and I’ve taken over all barn chores again, which means a lot of water buckets and hay bales and stall mucking etc. etc. With the yoga and stretching/meditation I’ve taken up, my body is faring better than I had expected. 40 plus years of all that work has left me with some arthritis and worn parts, blah blah. But it’s also made me a strong work horse and I’m grateful to still be able to do it. And I love those animals so. They are my heart and my peace and my salvation often. We got our first real snow of the winter on march 1st. In New England, that’s just strange. But it’s made all that work easier on this older girl.
I have always felt the sky is like a painting we live under, it’s landscape always changing, and all we ever need to do is look up to see the mood of the moment, the beauty of nature, the temperament of the weather gods. Who hasn’t marveled at a full moon rising, the night stars on a cloudless night, the rolling roiling storm clouds coming across the horizon or the gorgeous colors of a beautiful sunrise-sunset. On the hill and fields of this farm we have what I call big sky country, a big patch of blue with many glorious sunrises and sunsets.
I made a few more recipes from The Lost Kitchen files…
New England baked beans and brown bread – first time I ever bought a slab of salt pork, had to ask the butcher where to find it at the store.
And Waldorf Salad – with apples, celery, Fennel, arugula, lemon juice and zest, candied walnuts, mayo, salt & pepper… SOOO GOOD!
The Mr. turned 59! We had a lovely family dinner at one of our favorite restaurants near our Stella by the Sea. Our mothers are still with us and we are so grateful they are here to meet their first great grands.
Cheers to many more years!
I completed the Woodstock, VT Middle bridge painting, whose true angles are a bit skewed in any photo taken, so this was a real challenge and it’s far from perfection, but I’m glad I attempted it. The bridge for me represents many happy family memories there and hopefully more to come. The lighted star up on the hill is the first thing I look for when we drive into town.
Had a physical this week, and it’s clear I need to get serious about cleaning up my diet. Cholesterol numbers less than stellar, weight – about 25 pounds overweight. Bleh. I get plenty of exercise, so… as the doctor has often said… it’s what you put in your mouth. Each new day is a chance to get it right.. right? I’m making a concerted effort to improve those numbers. Being a food loving person and one who likes to cook and bake for others, it ain’t easy.
I hope all is well in your neck of the woods – till soon 🌹
What a wonderful post and I love that excerpt. That is so spot on–who hasn’t had those thoughts and sometimes mourned the loss of what we never had—and were probably never meant to have at best.
I am glad you have your new barn and are physically able to do all the hard work that comes with animals and farm life.
I made your Waldorf salad the other day and it was excellent.
I hope you have a wonderful weekend, Karen! xo Diana
Back at you, Diane! and I LOOOOOVE that salad! And so easy to throw together.
Glad to hear from you and catch up on the family news. Exciting times waiting for the arrival of 2 new babies. What an idyllic setting of nature and animals they will grow up in.
Thank you! Always a pleasure to see you here!
Gosh, exciting times for you with two babies not too far off saying their hellos.
Glad you’re enjoying the barn work – all the animals look so well in the photos in the last blog, and what a brilliant photo, catching that full-on buck!
The first piece is so true. We mustn’t nurse regrets and what might have beens- let alone the I shouldn’t have done thats. I think it was Churchill that said our lives were a series of different paths to choose – we chose what got us here, now.
Keep warm. We have long-threatened cold weather and more snow heading our way.
Churchill got it right, I think! Thank you for stopping in…
Every photo here is like a movement in a symphony — energy (with the horse kicking away), calm (those glorious skies), calm (the snow scene opener), joy (the “toast” photo of the party) and glorious (your painting). That really MUST be a Christmas card next year. What a wonderful way to begin my day!
Thank you, Jeanie – you truly made my day! Love to you and yours –
Karen, you always give us so much to think about.
It’s so easy for one to think ‘I wish I hadn’t done that’ or ‘if only I could change my thoughts about what did happen’. I’ve always been too ‘soft’ in the way I’ve lived. I think being that way and always trying to please my mother stopped me from living another type of life. Having been that way with Mom, afraid I suppose that’s why I feel like I’m always trying to please the ones around here. I don’t really know if this even pertains to what’s been said here, it just popped into my mind.
You guys have SO much to look forward to with new babies and I could not be any happier for y’all. New babies give us a new outlook on life and it’s a beautiful thing.
I love the photo of your mom and Mike Sr. How wonderful they approve of each other and love you so very much.
xoxo
Sally your words here are profound… and you know.. it’s never too late, my friend. Even in the little ways, we can always add to the life we are living in a good way. Do that.
Great post. I don’t know that I have a lot of regrets but I do have some “I wonder” moments. All in all, when I get those moments, I remember that I’m pretty content with me just as I am and I wouldn’t be the me today without all those twists and turns. You and your husband are so fortunate to still have your mothers with you. Best wishes to DH on his birthday, and for the upcoming little ones.
Amen, Sue – and I hope all is well in your world.