Middle aged musings from farm & hearth
We’ve been together for a long time, not really sure when it began to go sour. So many good times – picnics at the park, family gatherings, The Vineyard, St. John, long walks with the dogs, romantic sunsets on the beach. I thought it would never end, the pure joy when we were together.
But …relationships change, needs change… and I began to want more. I grew, but the rebel didn’t. What we had was a comfortable existence, but it wasn’t enough. And so… when tall, dark, handsome and extremely well equipped showed up on my doorstep, I let go of the past and grabbed hold of the future with reckless abandon.
While the attraction was instant, the relationship is still very new. I’m treading lightly here. There are fits and starts as we get to know each other, not sure if I’m pushing all the right buttons – but already there is music and I am in love. I can no longer deny my feelings… and … we’ve been photographed together so the Jig is Up.
I guess this is it… good bye, my rebel friend.
And HELLO CANON EOS 7D.
(God help me. Or atleast give me a dummys encyclopedia on HOW TO…. in english)
Another year bites the dust…Or a fresh new year begins. It’s all in your perspective.. glass half empty or full kind of thing. My spouse reflects with sadness on the ending of a year – … I’m all for new beginnings –
Every year in the past I have said the same thing – “THIS… is my year. The year that I will get in the best shape of my life, the year that I will find the patience in all things that I have always lacked. More family time, less frivolous spending, more giving of myself, less eating CRAP. The year that I will FIND MY BLISS.” and ultimately, when I don’t accomplish all of the above, I feel failure.
I’m not doing that dance this time, I’m finally realizing that the job I do in the important areas of my life, like family, is perfectly OK. Even more importantly – exactly what I am at this moment… is enough.
Instead of placing demands and unrealistic expectations on myself, I am going to embrace each day as it comes. Where I find inspiration, I will go with the creative flow. I will not try to fill every moment with a meaningful existence. Where I find someone or something in need, I will lend a hand. Impatience is part of who I am, and sometimes it really helps to get the job done… I accept it. I love food and I’m not obese – perhaps a little restraint and more frequent walks with the dog is all that is needed, and I can handle that with joy.
LIFE.. is a huge gift. I think what I will resolve to do this year is to appreciate that I am here, now, living in the moment and doing a decent job of it. The lyrics to one of my favorite Eagles songs says it best … Learn to be Still –
I love reading your comments and I like to respond to each of you, especially when you’ve asked a question or have paid a compliment. Some of you may not be getting responses from blog owners because we’re coming across THIS message when we attempt to reply –
Now, some people want total privacy and I understand that sentiment…
But I would imagine some of you may not know that you have your email hidden so that people cannot respond. If you have been wondering why no one ever responds to your comments, follow these simple steps to unblock your email.
1. Go to your dashboard,
2. Click “edit profile”
3. Check the box that says “show my email address”
4. Save your profile
It’s as easy as that.
As each year comes to a close, talk around the table turns naturally to what we leave behind and what lies ahead. During these discussions it occurs to me that I have a mental image of what a year looks like, a road map of the weirdest kind. I’ve often wondered if other people have a shapshot of the mechanics of a year, an image that just pops up when you’re thinking of a years’ block of time.
There’s no way I can accurately describe what I see mentally – and the image I drew above is not what I see as far as written words or lines. It is, however, the form I see when thinking of a year, the cycle.
There are a few things I notice when I examine this diagram. July and August have the biggest block of space. I love summer – easy analysis, wishful thinking. September through June are a typical school year. That’s one looong stretch. December, or really Christmas.. is the anchor of my yearly model. I have no idea why a year looks like this to me, and its been this way since I was old enough to imagine. One other interesting fact … the year runs counter-clockwise.
So I’m putting this out to the Universe. I’d like to know what a year looks like to you. Is it one long continuous string of months from left to right? Is there a circular cycle in your minds’ eye? Are you wondering if I lost my sanity among the gift wrap, boxes and christmas cookies I threw in the overflowing garbage cans outside This Old House…..
Those of you who know me well recognize my camera as merely another appendage. While it’s true there are heavy sighs and some serious eye rolls whenever I arrive on the scene, who do they gather around when it’s all said and done to see their minute of fame, I ask you. Ah, the woes of those who wield the camera.
Last night we had a Christmas open house for family and a few friends. My 14 year old niece pried the Rebel from my fingers and took over the job for the evening. I loved flipping through the images later to see her perspective.. sometimes you really oughta just let. it. go. 🙂
I did the last minute fools rush yesterday..first to drop off presents to family that I won’t see before our Christmas Day party, then to a certain store for a few certain gifts, then to the grocery store for the remaining ingredients needed for the Big Day’s menu. ( I never know exactly where to use apostrophes.. for those of you that I annoy with it, I apologize for my laziness. Mom. ). Everyone and their brother and third cousin twice removed was there doing the same darn thing – the shopping, not the apostrophe abomination.
Anyway. I thought I was done. Everyone checked off the list. Everything put away, everything wrapped. I even found the gift card I thought I lost, which was the best gift ever because I was tired of trying to conceal the evidence of my negligence from the signifcant other.
And then last night there was this new development.
Me: “So, since you and (new guy) M are now officially dating, did you get him something for Christmas other than the little friend gift you originally got, you know.. before you were dating?”
College girl: “Noooo, and I probably should, huh. “
Me: ” Ummm, probably. Just a something, nothing huge. ”
College girl: ” And , Mom? He got YOU guys something.”
Me: “WHAT? Really??… he really didn’t have to do that. Really shouldn’t have done that…. really?”.
College girl: ” Yeah, really. Somthing nice. And he made cookies for you. “
Me: “MADE COOKIES FOR US?”. …..
College girl: ” OMG – I have to work tomorrow, I’m not going to have time to shop for him!?”
Me: ” *sigh* Well. Ok … I guess I’ll head out one more time tomorrow and pick a little something up from us and from you. What does he like? Any sports teams? Particular colors?”
College girl: “I don’t really know yet. Want me to ask him?”
Me: “NO, don’t ask him. What are you gonna say.. Hey, we’re doing a last minute after-thought shopping spree for you because this is the awkward moment when you’re brand new to the scene and it’s CHRISTMAS and you came on the scene right at the last minute when we don’t really know you yet but you made cookies and are bearing gifts. Can you give us a hint so we can buy you a meaningful gift? “
Back to the stores I go.
And the dog has a fever this morning so I’ll probably be visiting the vet too. Awesome.
Any suggestions? This is what I know – male college student, medium build, tall-dark-polite-handsome. Gives gifts immediately upon meeting you.
No, I did not buy it. Just.. can you just imagine? 🙂
The guy and I have said several times to each other in the past week..”It just doesn’t feel like Christmas this year”. There are several reasons I can come up with that are logical – the crappy economy and our tightened budget, which I have exceeded and now feel guilty about. There’s the lack of snow… it’s been depressingly cold and grey lately without the beauty of the white stuff. Today the wind howls down the chimneys of This Old House like a screaming banshee.
Still, I don’t think it’s any of those things as much as the absence of TOYS. We both bought heavily into the magic of Christmas with our kids over the years. We went to great lengths to hide presents big and small, leave cookies out for Santa, carrots for the reindeer. One year we threw presents on the porch roof to make it look like Santa had dropped a few on his way over to the chimney. We made sooty boot prints on the hearth, sometimes threw a loose brick or two in the logs to make it look like the chimney had crumpled under the weight of Santa…and there have been more than a few curse-strewn sessions of toy-assembling. Who knew a Barbie Camper could come in 1,378 pieces, assembly required beyond sanity’s threshold. That part maybe I don’t miss so much.
I do enjoy the Christmas traditions we continue to carry through, like monkey bread on Christmas morning. My kids still love getting their gifts under the tree, of course. After the holiday I’ll share with you some of the crazy stuff I find to fill their stockings. But… the gifts under the tree are different. There are no more American Girl dolls or Breyer horses or remote control monster trucks or giant stuffed Tigers or Play Dough or Light Bright or Big Boxes of Crayons – the kind with the sharpener in the back of the box… I still haven’t outgrown those. Not even a Tickle-Me Elmo. And I miss them all. I miss the feety pajamas and the twinkle in their eyes, the excitement of Christmas Eve, the trying to fall asleep, or more like the trying to stay awake to catch the sound of hooves and sleigh bells on the roof.
I saw Elmo on the shelf in Target last week and I almost put him in the cart. Just because.
