Author: admin

Glutened

    I’ve been wrestling with the same issue for years now.  My will power, or more accurately the lack thereof… is pathetic.  Having led a fairly healthy lifestyle for my entire life, i.e. no smoking and not much drinking, moderate exercise but perhaps not enough of it, you’d think it would be no big deal.  Plenty of fruits and vegetables but also some of the crap, like chips and donuts and cakes and cookies and CHOCOLATE. 

     What I discovered a few years back, while dealing with chronic IBS type symptoms and bloat and  headaches and muscle ache and anxiety and hypertension……… after doctor visits and naturopath visits and natural supplements and  physical therapy and finally diet change…. was that the only thing that had a real effect.. was the diet change.   I went gluten free and dairy free for the heck of it, cut out most sugar but not all, stopped eating processed foods for the most part… and within months MOST of my symptoms were gone or minimized greatly, plus.. I lost the extra 15 lbs I was lugging around.  My blood pressure also dropped, a good thing, since I have hypertension.

     Fast forward to today … I got lazy. I fell off the gluten free dairy free less-sugar  diet. I do physical labor every day with the horses and farm work, etc.  I still eat far less gluten, but I picked up the dairy again and occasionally snuck a little bit of a gluteny thing. I slacked some on the exercise and yoga.    I gained back 20 LBS,  not 15… and yesterday I picked up donuts from a new source that has THE BEST F_ING DONUTS YOU HAVE EVER DEVOURED…. and I caved and ate a few. *ahem.   Then last night the guy and I went out.. and instead of ordering the salmon for dinner, I ordered a Reuben, because hell, already ruined it with the donuts, might as well go for the gold and get back to dieting tomorrow, right.

     Well, tomorrow is today.. and I have such a gluten hangover from all that crap.  I feel fatigued, anxious, like I’m coming down with the flu, my stomach hurts, my head is foggy, my muscles are sore.   And yet some doctors still don’t believe that there is such thing as gluten sensitivity if you’re not a Celiac, which I am not.  

What’s frustrating is that I KNOW what works, and yet PIZZA.

   If you have struggled with any of the same issues, or conquered your bad eating choices and mastered better health, tell me how you did it, I really want to know.

Clowns to the left of me…

.. jokers to the right.. here I am.. stuck in the middle with you.

(you’re humming that tune, aren’t ya)

 Kinda how I feel right now … what with the Hilary/Trump decision looming.  And the kids-leaving-the-nest situation glooming.

 Thank you all for your comments and commiseration and  kind words and wisdom through experience.  We moved my daughter and her boyfriend into their new condo and they are settling in to figure out whether they’re good together for the long haul.  I happen to think that’s a very wise choice.  M and I did nothing of the sort because it would have been frowned upon by his family and he did not want to rock the boat.  So we jumped in with both feet, rocked our own boats dramatically and had a baby a year later.  When you do that sort of thing, you had better hope it was a wise choice, because you could also find yourself looking at the other, saying “WHO the HELL are YOU?”.   And you know.. by then it’s kinda difficult to extract yourself.   SO… I cheer them on and wish them well and miss the clatter of their feet up and down the hallway stairs and the morning chatter and even the bickering when they ask your opinion but don’t really want it.  (That’s one of my favorites).

K’s new kitchen..

     Meanwhile, back at the ranch.. the manchild and his GF went on their first major shopping excursion last night, because they will need just about everything.   I can’t really throw them a “living in sin” party, either… SO….  They decided they really want a new comfy sectional sofa, not the old couch we have in storage.. so they financed it.  It’s his first major purchase besides his vehicle, but a good way to build credit.   Now, this is the kid who would have to visit three sneaker stores before deciding on a pair… even when he was SEVEN YEARS OLD!  I knew what they were in for. … So.. last night while they were out shopping, the text went like this…

Me:  How are you making out?……

Him:  Struggling.
          Sneaker problems.

     Long story short, a couch was purchased in espresso, not the off white they almost got.. because I think I brought home the point that eventually someone with new blue jeans was going to sit on that white couch and leave blue dye smudges all over it, and heaven forbid blue jean baby has a glass of red wine in hand and does an oops…. or perhaps the dog will get into the Valentines chocolate box sitting on the sofa table and smear it all over said white couch while you’re out to dinner with your significant other who PAID for it… the couch and the chocolates…   (I wish I could tell you I’m not speaking from experience.)

  I’m happy for them, and I’m getting used to the idea, and doing what I usually do when I need a distraction.  Spend.   New blue hydrangea bowl on the dining room table, because *s*t*r*e*s*s*

     In the midst of the moving, we’re having some beautiful days… here are a few shots from the garden…

  The pansy pot was found out in the woods, it’s a perfect pansy pot, don’t ya think? ….   Just to give you an accurate picture of ME right now… picture fingers in my ears… singing La la la la la la la.. and just looking around not really focusing on any one thing… because THIS….

I’m looking at the woman in the mirror

 
   I shouldn’t write this post today, because the emotions that stormed in on me this morning are still brand new and raw.   And yet here I go… can’t help my inclination to dump out the emotion du jour, as immediately as possible.

 See this chick?    That’s me this morning… before the bomb dropped.   I took the picture because my profile pic in a few places is so -last year-.    I’m currently growing my hair long, just because holy shit, I’m 51 !!!…  and how long can you get away with long hair, you know?  Some women pull it off in older age rather well. My grandmother  Elsie wore hers in an elegant bun and it looked blond and fabulous till the end.  I hate buns, and ponytails and clips and barrettes and headbands and scrunchies… because I can’t stand the feel of them on my head. … so that’s not going to be an option lest I go insane trying to deal with the phobia.. or headache of those contraptions.

Oh, the serenity.. the contentment that all was right with the world after some stressful times …… even liked my hair!!!……  it was a fine moment this morning….  lasted almost  half a day.

 We’ve just learned we are going to be  (GASP)……

EMPTY NESTERS.

  I envy those of you who actually LOOK FORWARD to the day.  Oh, the happy dance I’ve seen some of you do when the last chick flew the coop and you settled in with a glass of wine or scotch on the rocks  out on the porch to enjoy the quiet, to come back to the YOU or the TWO OF YOU that you were all those years ago, before the kids came along.    Some of you are wishing for the day to hurry up and arrive, bemoaning the hustle and hassle that is often family life.  That’s never been me.  NO.. I rued the day.

  Truth, I  love my guy.  Second truth –  I have always identified strongly as a mom with all the mom stuff that comes with the territory of raising kids and having them, you know.. AROUND a lot.    I like a house full of family. No, I love it.   And now we’re going to be just two again… the kids out on their own, hopefully happily moving forward into adulthood and all it’s responsibilities.. and the two of us will rediscover what it is to be the two of us.  I have faith in my kids for sure, and they won’t be very far away… but still.. the .. Empty… Nest.

   We resurrected This Old House six years ago with all of the family still in -growing up- mode.  Now, the entire second floor will be … vacant.   As much as I love this house and we put every fiber of our being into bringing it back to life.. I look around today and feel the weight of it’s size.

 Weird, this. The woman I see in the mirror… someone different now.  Reluctantly.  Why does a song from Metallica keep playing in my mind…

Here I go…. turn the page….. 

Rain and Relationships with a Garden Tour for good measure

 Come take a walk with me as I mull over family issues and do morning chores here at the farm… I’ll show you how my garden grows, or doesn’t… too.

First stop is the hen house and rabbit hutch.

Harley (black bunny) had an episode of colic recently and because he looked like he was about to die in ten minutes, off to the vet we went.  Did you know that too much of a commercial rabbit pellet diet is not good for them?  I sure didn’t.  Collard greens, celery, carrots sparingly, parsley, berries, and lots of Timothy Hay are what they should be eating. The pellets you see in pet stores are not meant to be their main diet.  I’ve always given my bunnies lots of greens and such, but they always had a big bowl of the pellets as well.  Hence, the colic.  Harley is better now, and loves his collard greens.

The girls want OUT into the lush grass, but it’s only allowed when I’m out there paying attention to hawk whereabouts. Not happening on a rainy day like today.   Their egg laying has been prolific latelely, have I mentioned how much I adore chickens? 

 Next stop is the barn, where horses have already been banging buckets because they’ve heard me down at the coop.

 They don’t like being in, would prefer to be standing out in the rain, truth be told.. but when it’s still this chilly I keep them in until the rain clears.  Admittedly, it’s more for me than them. Kinda like their blankets in winter.

The ancient pear tree that is half-hollow is full of blossoms again this year.  I loath the day it keels over, but for now it still appears very happy up there on the hill.  Thank you powers that be.

After barn chores now that spring has arrived, I head over to the garden to do whatever needs tending. The Arugula is coming up, but not much else.  I’m concerned all the rain and cold air temps have thwarted the seed efforts.  Time will tell.

 Same thing happening in our little greenhouse… slow growing.

 I planted six purple sweet potato plants… we’ll see how that goes, first attempt at potatoes.  Any advice?

 The ancient stand of lilacs are thriving.. Mike limed them last year and it helped.

 Will anyone move in to this $7. bird house? 
So far, nuthin. 

My grandfather was a gardener.. and oh, what a spring tulip
garden he had across his front lawn. 
I remember each spring he would take his scissors 
outside with me and careful cut a bouquet for me 
to bring to my teacher the next day. 
When I look at my garden beds this time of year,
I am reminded of him and his love for his gardens..
and the birds, even the squirrels, who he fed peanuts 
out of his hand while sitting on the back porch. 

 So, the rain in this post is obvious, but not the reference to relationships.

 Rain IN relationships is inevitable, we’ve all figured that out by now, haven’t we.   I have always been a worrier and as a mother that is tenfold in my being.  I don’t like it, as the old saying goes… worry is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but doesn’t get you anywhere.  But it’s not something you can just set down like a heavy purse.. if you’re a worrier.  No, it’s more like an extra skin that you can’t shed.  
 
   Being a mom, and particularly  that mom... when my kids are hurting, I hurt.  I always believed the teen years would be the most difficult, and they did have their challenges.  I niavely  assumed as they got older the worry would subside, the protective instincts.  But ooh, nooo… the circumstances just change, not the concern.  As they grow into adults they have their own relationships and they need to learn as they grow, just like we did, how to make them work, what doesn’t work… who is worth the effort, who isn’t.  It’s painful to watch them struggle when things aren’t going well, but as my wise mother said, no one gets through life without struggle and pain and loss.  It’s part of living.  The hard part is leaving them be, letting them sort it all out without interferring, because you want to FIX IT for them.  Raising children to be good, strong adults means letting them do for themselves, not just being there to FIX.   As it should be… but Lord, it ain’t easy.

American Museum of Natural History

  Last weekend mom and I and a few of the kids took a trip into NYC and the AMNH.  As is usual on a sunny spring Sunday, the city was jammed.  We drove in, because parking is pretty easy at the museum and also at the Marriott Marquis, and I like the idea of being in control – ha.  The passengers in my vehicle may have had a different experience.  I am a people watcher through and through – and there were thousands of interesting people to… watch.  Driving and watching, unless we’re talking street signs and signals… don’t mix when every two seconds you need to make a decision.

Anyway!  We’re still here to talk about it.   What a feeling it is… to look at the same exhibits I first viewed 40 years ago –  (did I just say that?)  And of course there were new exhibits, as the museum rotates special ones out periodically. 
 As you enter the museum at it’s main entrance, a statue of  Theodore Roosevelt on horseback greets you.  Standing on either side of him are an American Indian and an African American, meant to symbolize the continents of Africa and America.  

 The buildings and the architecture in this part of the city… with Central park at it’s core.. is just beautiful.  
The Dakota, a residence just down the road, also flanking Central park.. is just one example.. quite a history if you’re not familiar with it… also the place John Lennon lived and was shot in front of.  If I had to live in the city, which I love but would never want to inhabit… this is where I’d like to be, although my finances beg to differ. 
     Inside the museum… We walked through the butterfly exhibit, which houses thousands of different species of butterfly…
And viewed the same stuffed animals I saw as a child myself… staring through their glassy eyes at the millions of visitors who pass before them for many years now.  Funny thing… my son had a look on his face and shook his head slightly… I knew exactly what he was thinking, cut from the same cloth, you see.   ” Dead animals”.   “They were killed just to be stuffed and mounted here for decades.  Whole Families!”… said he.    Sad fact… the Black Rhino is among them… now.. extinct. 
Museum Selfies…
The Dinosaurs are truly amazing and the museum has quite a collection, I’m guessing the largest available. 
 A new exhibit is the Titanosaurus…via the museum website…  ” In January 2016, the Museum added another must-see exhibit to its world-famous fossil halls: a cast of a 122-foot-long dinosaur. This species is so new that it has not yet been formally named by the paleontologists who discovered it.  Paleontologists suggest this dinosaur, a giant herbivore that belongs to a group known as titanosaurs, weighed in at around 70 tons. The species lived in the forests of today’s Patagonia about 100 to 95 million years ago, during the Late Cretaceous period, and is one of the largest dinosaurs ever discovered. 
The remains were excavated in the Patagonian desert region of Argentina by a team from the Museo Paleontologico Egidio Feruglio led by José Luis Carballido and Diego Pol, who received his Ph.D. degree in a joint program between Columbia University and the American Museum of Natural History. One of the 8-foot femurs, or thigh bones, found at the site is among five original fossils on temporary view with The Titanosaur.
  To stand next to this baby is hard to describe…  see the size of the folks in the picture?  Godzilla comes to mind. 
The Hayden Planetarium is a sight to behold –  no pictures allowed while viewing.. on the right is a self sustaining living sphere, whos eco system works in harmony so that no outside influence is needed. 
 Outside in the park, people, dogs, horses, cyclists, joggers, enjoyed the good weather with spring in the air.  We illegally fed pigeons pieces of pretzel while two of my people strolled in the park – they  are in the V of the tree, do you see them? 
 After our museum visit  we drove to the Marriott Marquis in Times Square and mom treated us all to a delicious dinner at the revolving restaurant at the top – The View.    The elevators go up 45 floors…traveling very fast, it was a scene out of Star Trek, I’m telling ya. 
 It takes  about an hour for the room to revolve completely, so the view changes as you dine. 
  A good day was had by all.  

In the Toilet

   Target is getting huge flack for allowing Transgender people to use the bathroom they feel comfortable using.    This is what I wrote on their FB page –  


Congratulations for being a company with a conscience. I don’t know what it’s like to be born with a mixed gender identity, nor do I know what it’s like to be born with black or red or lily white skin , blue eyes, mental illness or a physical handicap or gay. What I know is none of these things is a choice, we are who we are. Treating those who are not made exactly like we are with hateful behavior is ugly, prejudice, small minded. I think a separate bathroom for ignorance might be a good idea though. Target, I like you even more now. Thank you for standing up tall and treating all with the same respect. As for worrying about your kids and grandkids in public bathrooms- you shouldn’t send your kids into a public bathroom alone – creeps come in all shapes and sizes. Just read some of the comments on this thread.  – and there were many nasty comments on that thread. 


  I’m sure some of you disagree with me.  I ask you this – and these are questions that would have to be answered if you continue to go down this thought path  logically. Who is going to monitor the “gender” of people as they enter bathrooms?  Who’s going to verify the integrity of the monitor and who’s responsible for paying them? I guess they need to be EVERYWHERE, right?    There are thousands of documented cases of priests, teachers, coaches… who are PREDATORS.   Hell, some of them chose their profession because of it’s access to vulnerable victims, often children. Where are the stats on Trans?…  is it such a non-issue that there aren’t any?   Therefore…bare with me and  keep going down this path of thought… should there be separate bathrooms for adults and children?  Should there be separate bathrooms for priests, teachers, coaches?….. Sounds ridiculous, right?…. kinda not do-able at all.  So where are you drawing the line?  Transgender people were born feeling they were something different than what their parts told them.  That alone doesn’t make them dangerous.    One thing is clear – Their life ain’t easy if they choose to be what they feel is  their genuine self – because of how  some people perceive them – as freaks.   They may be different than you and I, but that doesn’t make them predators.. or freaks.  It makes them different than you and I.  


Bottom line in the public restroom procession is…….you’ve been peeing next to trans all your life,  maybe you just didn’t know it.  It’s not a new phenomenon.  It’s becoming more prominent because they are tired of hiding in the shadows.   I can’t understand what it is to be them, and neither can you. We can only try understanding,  show compassion, humanity.  Every being deserves that. 






Come. Sit. Stay.

  The porch is officially open here at This Old House…. let me not ever live in a house where there is no porch.  I grew up in an old farmhouse smack in the middle of a Staten Island, New York neighborhood where houses were stacked close together.  Our house was the original, built in the 1800s, before the area became a ‘hood.   On the front of that old house was a porch, where many a rain stormy day was spent watching the drops fall around us,  perhaps catch the neighbors arguing or playing cards or reading on their own front porch, and it offered shade for sipping lemonade or iced tea on hot summer days.

   When we re-built This Old House – we knew what we had to add – a porch. There’s one on the front, facing the road – which we rarely use. The rear porch looks out over our gardens and the hay fields and horses up on the hill. It’s screened in summer to keep out the bugs and glassed in winter to retain some heat. On a cold winter day where the sun shines bright, it warms up enough so that  we can still sit out there with a cup of coffee comfortably and enjoy the view, maybe even read a bit of the book currently occupying the nightstand.

(that’s a jeans rug crafted by Hilary of Crazy as a Loom – so durable, just love it) 

   Today after getting the various “stuff” done that needed doing…. I looked at the beckoning porch and said.. why ever not.  I grabbed my new read – Susan Branch’s Isle of Dreams.. and sat in the reading chair, a light breeze flowing through. I highly recommend giving yourself time in your busy day, time to just relax and let go of whatever might have your knickers in a knot.

   If you’re not familiar with Susan Branch, she is an author and illustrator who resides on my favorite Island, Martha’s Vineyard.  I love her water color illustrations, as well as her writing style.. and oooh, her recipes are divine.  Her real life fairy tale story is one of courage in the face of heartbreak, and resilience.  My current read – Isle of Dreams, is hand written and illustrated by her- an amazing feat, and feast for the eyes and soul.

Below is just a sample of the writing and illustrations in her books… there are three. 

Quotes like this one are sprinkled throughout the books.. you feel the warmth she envelopes around you with her style, her illustrations.. her humor and grace. Kind of like the comfort of sitting on your porch with a cup’a…  watching the world go by… 

And the sun will rise…

  No matter what happens in life (and death) the sun always rises. Life goes on. Sometimes in the greatest losses, that concept seems surreal.

   Mom and I flew down to Melbourne, Florida last week to be with family as we said good bye to our Uncle, Father, Husband, Grandfather,  Father-in-law, Friend.   While the occasion was a sad one, I couldn’t help but note that my Uncle also loved getting together with family and friends. He was always a big presence at gatherings, and more than a few of us felt he was among us  in spirit as we gathered from all over the country  on the beach and at his service and his home afterward.

    I’m not religious, as I’ve stated here before.. but I do believe there is more to the human spirit than we fully understand… our bodies are a series of nuts and bolts that work together miraculously, but it’s our essence.. what makes us individuals, with feelings, emotion,  empathy, etc… that cannot be explained by mechanical means.  That energy in some form, I believe, remains.

 We had a few days to soak up some Florida sun… the weather was perfect  and we enjoyed  the glorious sunrises and sunsets, as well as time spent with family.

 Have you ever tried Frickles?  ( basically beer battered fried pickles)   Lord, let there be no Heaven where there are no dogs, horses and frickles.   –   Just sayin. 

Shove It

     We are all complaining about the candidates but one of the worst evils of our time is the power we have permitted the media. It’s not enough that we support them by viewing their spin- and on every single network they have their own spin- but so many follow their lead like sheep.
      As for the reporter who pressed charges for being pulled back from harassing Trump, grow a skin. I saw the video like so many others- big f*cking deal- I’ve gotten jostled more on the Staten Island ferry. I don’t like the man himself- and now even less with his asshole remarks about women needing to be punished should they choose an abortion. Later amended to Doctors should be the incriminated for providing them. But incidents like this reporters complaint are making us all look just as bad as the crap coming out of candidates mouths.    When did we become such a wuss nation?
      One more thing for those of you who are cogs in the wheel in either party , still scratching your heads – Trump has such a big following because the parties have been screwing up and forgetting who they are representing for so long now, the people are fed up. You brought Trump to the table with your own ignorance and arrogance., the responsibility lies EVERYWHERE.  


Just sayin- 

Gains and Losses

  A belated Happy Easter to you !

      We got together with some of our extended family  and enjoyed  a conversation filled  -catching up –  meal together.   While I am not religious, Easter represents renewal for me. We’re spending more time outdoors.. there are buds on the trees, birds hunting for good nest sites…and, I get to spoil my kids with baskets full of chocolate, a few spring clothes items and some silly fun things too.  They’re grown now, but the tradition will continue because I can’t bear to give it up, truth.

   I picked my  father up from the nursing home and he was glad to join us.   I imagine one of the hardest realities for him has been giving up his car – his independence.  I had to sign him out  and it felt weird .  He was taken back by that simple act too.  However… it is very obvious from his conversations with us and his growing relationships with the staff that he feels safe where he lives now, he is content.  Huge gift for both of us.   When I brought him back and he returned to his room, he sat down in his big easy chair, exhausted…and at peace.  I don’t know how else to describe it.  Who would think life in a nursing home would bring comfort… and yet, for some it really does.   In this environment he has gained the stability, routine and even companionship that he was never able to establish for himself in his earlier life due to his choices. Now, with no choices, he has what he wouldn’t give himself before… and he is doing well. In his new life path, which he did not choose, it seems he has gained more than he lost.  Ironic.

   Our family lost a patriarch last week –
      I grew up on Staten Island, and at 19 moved to Connecticut to live on my Aunt and Uncle’s horse farm just up the road from This Old House.  I brought my adopted ancient horse with me, and lived with them for four years, helping care for their horses while attending college and finding my way to the life  I’ve made here with  my husband and children.  The opportunity they gave me will never be forgotten.
     D had conquered cancer about nine years ago, but the  harsh treatment rendered him weaker and encouraged Parkinsons to bloom in his system.  D was a very vibrant, very active athlete until that time.. and from there, although his spirit never once gave in, his body eventually gave out.  My aunt and uncle have been a team since they were both very young – they’ve been through many changes in life together, some hardships, many joyful times. Both have lived their lives fully, and together.   Their children and grandchildren gather around my Aunt now, and together they will move forward.  My heart goes out to her. I have no doubt she will be OK and I know she won’t be alone. There is no way to avoid  navigation through the new reality of life without my uncle, but she’s made of the stuff that will see her through and there is still a life to live. My uncle would want that for her.

 Peace be with us all in this season of renewal.