Life – Page 3 – This Old House 2

The Happening You Must Focus On

It is easy to mourn the lives we aren’t living. Easy to wish we’d developed other talents, said yes to different offers. Easy to wish we’d worked harder, loved better, handled our finances more astutely, been more popular, stayed in the band, gone to Australia, said yes to the coffee or done more bloody yoga.

It takes no effort to miss the friends we didn’t make and the work we didn’t do and the people we didn’t marry and the children we didn’t have. It is not difficult to see yourself through the lens of other people, and to wish you were all the different kaleidoscopic versions of you they wanted you to be. It is easy to regret, and keep regretting, ad infinitum, until our time runs out.

But it is not the lives we regret not living that are the real problem. It is the regret itself. It’s the regret that makes us shrivel and wither and feel like our own and other people’s worst enemy.

We can’t tell if any of those other versions would have been better or worse. Those lives are happening, it is true, but you are happening as well, and that is the happening we have to focus on. ~Matt Haig

(Book: The Midnight Library)

I love that passage so much! I also read the book, and while it wasn’t one of my favorite reads, it’s a good one… and that group of text above? Spot on. Who among us hasn’t dreamed another dream, had a few regrets, wasted too much time on what isn’t. And we all know, life is short and too precious for such nonsense. I am a firm believer in making the best of every day, even when I catch myself doing anything but. Then I readjust the sails.

The new barn has been a Godsend here on the farm. Both of our girlies are very pregnant and I’ve taken over all barn chores again, which means a lot of water buckets and hay bales and stall mucking etc. etc. With the yoga and stretching/meditation I’ve taken up, my body is faring better than I had expected. 40 plus years of all that work has left me with some arthritis and worn parts, blah blah. But it’s also made me a strong work horse and I’m grateful to still be able to do it. And I love those animals so. They are my heart and my peace and my salvation often. We got our first real snow of the winter on march 1st. In New England, that’s just strange. But it’s made all that work easier on this older girl.

I have always felt the sky is like a painting we live under, it’s landscape always changing, and all we ever need to do is look up to see the mood of the moment, the beauty of nature, the temperament of the weather gods. Who hasn’t marveled at a full moon rising, the night stars on a cloudless night, the rolling roiling storm clouds coming across the horizon or the gorgeous colors of a beautiful sunrise-sunset. On the hill and fields of this farm we have what I call big sky country, a big patch of blue with many glorious sunrises and sunsets.

I made a few more recipes from The Lost Kitchen files…

New England baked beans and brown bread – first time I ever bought a slab of salt pork, had to ask the butcher where to find it at the store.

And Waldorf Salad – with apples, celery, Fennel, arugula, lemon juice and zest, candied walnuts, mayo, salt & pepper… SOOO GOOD!

The Mr. turned 59! We had a lovely family dinner at one of our favorite restaurants near our Stella by the Sea. Our mothers are still with us and we are so grateful they are here to meet their first great grands.

Cheers to many more years!

I completed the Woodstock, VT Middle bridge painting, whose true angles are a bit skewed in any photo taken, so this was a real challenge and it’s far from perfection, but I’m glad I attempted it. The bridge for me represents many happy family memories there and hopefully more to come. The lighted star up on the hill is the first thing I look for when we drive into town.

Had a physical this week, and it’s clear I need to get serious about cleaning up my diet. Cholesterol numbers less than stellar, weight – about 25 pounds overweight. Bleh. I get plenty of exercise, so… as the doctor has often said… it’s what you put in your mouth. Each new day is a chance to get it right.. right? I’m making a concerted effort to improve those numbers. Being a food loving person and one who likes to cook and bake for others, it ain’t easy.

I hope all is well in your neck of the woods – till soon 🌹

Mild Winter Days and the Lost Kitchen

Hello from Leo and I… Leo is my son’s “first son”…. in this photo he’s doing his typical thing when I go visit him at lunchtime on occasion – I have to coax him out to pee and have a snack, and then he takes up his vigil in the big chair once again looking out over the driveway because *WheresMyDAD*. The rest of us are just furniture.

Their cat, Lily… well she could be described as a honey badger… if you know, you know.

Yesterday was T-shirt weather here in New England. Crazy for February! However, with my girlchild very pregnant with her first child and my taking back over most of the barn responsibilities .. I am so very grateful for the reprieve. It makes barn chores so much easier. So many of the mornings have been glorious!

Bella and Star approve of the fine weather.. and they love their new living quarters in the new barn and barnyard. They’ve got more room to roam and run up and down the front hill, leaping with joy. I love to see it.

Our old man, Max-a-million is doing very well, we’ve been able to manage the glaucoma in his left eye with meds. After a long show career and service to many people, this is the retirement every horse should get but seldom do. I am grateful to be able to grant it to him.

Our recently adopted blind mini, Molly is my most favorite horse… she is just amazing with her navigation skills. Our other mini Lacey tolerates her, and that’s about it. At least she doesn’t abuse her, which was the case in her previous home.

Beautiful Leah graces us each day with her company. A very good minded horse, she will always have a home with us, as she is wonderful to ride, will be great for the grandchildren to learn to ride on someday and while she was bred to show and it’s true she’s a bit fancy for a “home horse”, we know she much prefers this life to the grueling show life.

Have you been watching The Lost Kitchen (HBO MAX) … with reknown chef Erin French? I love that show… what a resilient person. Her food is phenomenal and creative, her story remarkable. I treated myself to her cookbook and her memoir – Finding Freedom.. and The Lost Kitchen cookbook. SO far I’ve made her fried chicken with perfect potato salad and blueberry sweet and sour sauce, and her pear cake. Both are out of this world delicious and not hard to make. If you’re a foody or just like a great true story of redemption and triumph, I highly recommend these two books, and I’m not being paid to say it. Even the photography is gorgeous. You might come to love Maine and its salt of the earth people, too. I already do.

Have you ever cooked with a cast iron pan? Man, what I have been missing! I was intimidated by the “seasoning” of the thing and the first one I bought many years ago rusted because I washed it like any regular pan. This time I’m doing it right and you really can’t beat the results.

I hope all is well in your neck of the woods – Wishing you love and light this Valentines Day – Not everyone has a Romeo in their lives, if you do.. you are very lucky indeed. There are so many ways to celebrate love.. and most especially for yourself! Treat yourself in the ways you find comfort, indulge in the good chocolate, make (or buy!) that chocolate cake. Buy the fancy dreamy creamy soaps, splurge to frame that painting. Buy the flowers, and know this from the bottom of your blessed heart…

you are loved and loavable❤

Till soon, friends –

a Quilt of a post

Well let’s start with an actual quilt! Through blogland I have met some wonderful people, some of whom I consider dear friends. I have been collecting my son’s old t-shirts from childhood with the intent of having a T-shirt quilt made for him. Finding someone to do it proved difficult.. and then it dawned on me I have a very talented friend who does all sorts of creative things including sewing but mostly weaving beautiful towels, rugs, shawls, etc. for many years. So I asked Hilary over at Crazy As A Loom if she’d be willing to give this project a go, and boy did she ever! It came out better than I expected, my son loves it too. She said it’s her first T-shirt quilt, and her last, LOL. As I suspected, it’s a mighty pain in the a&& to make, but I am so grateful she was willing. My son and daughter in law are expecting their first child in May and one day this will be an heirloom for generations to come. It’s so warm and cozy.

Not sure if it’s the strange weather, a too warm and then frigid cold winter we’ve had here in New England… this fibromyalgia body has been in flare. When that happens I’m tempted to get lazy and slow down but with all the barn chores that’s not really possible and I do find if I keep moving I’m better off. I walk often and hike occasionally – this weekend we went over to the Scout Camp at Deer Lake and hiked to Fat Man Squeeze. I’m glad I still fit! When I adopted Kai he was a timid soul, so much so that on these hikes he would be afraid to go over big logs, afraid to climb rock and ledge, afraid to go into caves or up the very narrow squeeze. With the trust we’ve built over the past two years, while he’s still timid, he has come a long way and easily goes where I go without freezing, without me having to carry him up and over as we did initially. It’s a beautiful thing. Truly he is the best walking/hiking companion I’ve ever had.

I’m not a bendy person, so certain forms of Yoga make me look like the walking dead…..but yoga is really good for this fibromyalgia body and years ago I found a DVD set and used it for a long time and it really helped. It was great for beginner or low level yoga people like me. We got a new Tv system and no longer had DVD player and I just stopped, which was dumb. I’m thrilled to say I just found the exact series on Amazon prime $15 purchase and I can do it right in my office while it streams on my screen or on my flat screen tv in the family room via prime video. If this sounds like you to some degree- I highly recommend the Kate Potter series, seasons 1 and 2 in particular. It’s Calming, fun, enough of a work out that you accomplished something, and helps you stay limber, strengthens your core and overall body.

I’ve also carved a little time out for painting… the bridge picture is coming along… still much to do but I’m happy with it’s progress…

The following made me laugh out loud, and anything that does that is worthy of sharing…

Reading a good book right now, that gives a different perspective on the fallout and a different kind of victim of the Holocaust.. another dimension, another layer I had never given thought to before, and I have mixed feelings about it as well. I recommend it if you’re a reader – very well written

I hope all is well in your neck of the woods… Thank you for stopping by

Till soon!

The State of Things…

I don’t even watch the news anymore, rarely skim the headlines, truly shy away from anyone posting political crap on social media, and I used to be one who chirped.. a lot! I just cannot believe the utter shit show across the entire political system, our governing bodies. I decided my sanity and well being is more important than absorbing all the toxic noise, misinformation, ignorance. And we all know in our deepest well of knowledge that we don’t change the heart or mind of another person who will believe what they want to believe, no matter the detriment to themselves or others. So I stopped trying to do that, too. And I must admit, I’m not so sure those I trusted are trustworthy enough.

It’s freeing! I’m spending more time improving the quality of the work I put into my day job, this farm, the critters in my care, my family, myself. I picked up the paint brush again and completed a piece for a friend, and I have a new one on the easel. It all feels like the right thing to do.

The completed piece – this tells the beginning story of an immigrant who was born in this house ( no hospitals anywhere near) and raised here until his family moved (legally!) to this country for a better way of life. They have worked very hard for a long time with two successful businesses now and just built a beautiful barn and home here in town. He wanted this painting made as a reminder of their journey.

New on the easel… when completed it will be a snowy scene of a Vermont covered bridge in a town we visit often, many good memories and hopefully more to be made.

The weather has been good and bad and iffy and good and bad again. In between raindrops or frigid temps I’ve been walking with Kai again, and recently my son and I have gone on a few short hikes. It feels good to keep going.. and we’ll get more hikes in when weather permits.

This is Deer Lake Reservation, which has just been sold by the Boy Scouts of America after a lengthy campaign by locals and state representatives to save it from development, to Pathfinders, which will keep it as a camp and public recreation area and wildlife refuge. There are extensive trails, too.. this is a BIG WIN for nature, for campers and the general public who appreciate and recognize the value of open space. There are many cabins the scouts and other campers used, and they will be kept up by the new owner and used in summer camp programs.

This quartz wedged in a large boulder looks like teeth!

We’ve also been down to the shore for some winter walks…

This next scene is going to be my next painting, on a bigger canvas for the living room if it comes out decent. I am so grateful for this New England lanscape, diverse and beautiful in all seasons.

Our girls are in the second trimester of their pregnancies now, we are all so exciting for Jonathan and Mia to arrive. The eternal worrier in me keeps praying all will go well for both moms to be and their babies, and the dads as well! Baby showers being planned, I’ve already got a shelf full of childrens books I’ve been collecting for many years ( I’m a big fan). The baby clothes nowadays are so much more fun than when we were young mothers! and the baby equipment too.

I hope all is well in your neck of the woods or piece of the plains, spit of sand on the shore or your stamp on suburbia… what have you been doing to stay sane in these troubling times?… creativity, better health, new horizons, perhaps travel again? Covid is running rampant again around these parts, my son and daughter-in-law just got over it. People are masking up again….just.. ugh.

closing this post with a few pieces I’ve found inspiring or profound…

Till soon-

Merry Happy

So many people going through so much stuff, life is definitely not a cake walk for just about anyone… don’t judge the book by it’s cover and all that. The holidays can exasperate whatever is troubling, so my wish for anyone still reading my drivel here is that you are finding some joy and peace of mind this holiday season.

I am a sentimental fool, and while that trait brings along with it some pain, it’s worth it to have the heart. I have traditions in this old house and the ones before it… some recipes from ancestors long gone, traditions I’ve kept with my kids from the time they were little…decorations reminiscent of my grandmother’s home, ornaments my mother had on our childhood tree. My favorite collection, though, are the people around the table. As life rolls along, we lose some of our loved ones, and we gain new members. The circle of life.

I love my mom’s holiday spirit! Her mother, my Nana… used to do the same.. she decorated ALL THE THINGS.. even including little red bows on picture frames ….

Christmas Punch!

The barn renovation is complete – and all horses, goats and chickens are moved in. For this aging body, having done barn chores for the bast 40 plus years, it is a beautiful thing to have it all consolidated into one building. When we moved to This Old House from our previous farm, I thought I was winding down my farm animal operations and focusing on other things. But… my daughter continued her interest in showing (we’re done with that) and I found chicken keeping entertaining and fruitful!… and then .. well, goats. The small outbuildings we brought in for them worked… but going from one to the other especially in storms or winter weather was more work. We converted our three stall row shed type horse barn to a full center aisle barn with chicken coop/goat stall/ horse stalls all in one building and with this past few days 19 degree temps and freezing water, etc., it’s been a welcome improvement during chores.

Both my daughter and my daughter in law are expecting babies in the Spring, we are over the moon excited to welcome baby Jonathan and Baby Mia to our family. I’ve tried on all the common grandmother names… Gigi, Mimi, Nana, Nanny, grandma, Nonni, Nonna, loli, Lolly, and I’ve decided I am really just a Gram. If I had my way, everyone and anyone would just call me Karen or Mom, but not everyone is comfortable with that, so be it. (not the new and bastardized politicized meaning for Karen, by the way. Ugh, that is disappointing).

If you’re so inclined, tell me what’s new in your neck of the woods, what brings you joy these days, any traditions you care to share – leaving a few things below that bring me inspiration… wishing you all good things in the coming year, and THANK YOU for stopping in –

Till soon –

We Shall Be Free

As these elections come and go I find I am at a loss for words that adequately describe my heartbreak for the state of the world and this country that I love. And as I see politicians who continuously sow seeds of division and hate and people/media/politicans continue to spread false information with the intention to divide and conquer… I don’t know how it’s lost on anyone this very simple but very real truth….. united we stand, divided we will eventually fall. We are falling. We need leaders who are focused on bringing us all together regardless of our affiliations, for that is where we become strong…… leaders who believe in democracy at it’s best, leaders who truly care about all of us, not just those who bow to them or line their pockets. We need leaders who care about the earth because we are fucking it up royally and that’s not a bottomless pit, we need leaders who’s egos don’t get in the way of the job they’re supposed to do… for all of us, not just their rally crowds. I don’t like most of my choices for voting, I wish we did better across the whole political spectrum. And I sure as hell don’t have the answer – but I will not lose any more of my precious time fretting over something I have no control over other than my vote. I will continue to try to leave things better than I found them, help those I can, and although I’m not religious, this country and it’s people are gonna need every prayer we’ve got, because all I see is more ugly coming down the pike, and too many people looking the other way to support it for whatever their reasons. Unfathomable, and yet here we are.

I wrote this a week or so ago, just before the most recent elections….. and what I see now is HOPE. A LIGHT beaming out over the dysfunction. I still believe a mix of both Democratic and Republican policy make for a strong Democracy if the two parties can work together for the common good. There in lies the rub! There has always been friction, and some corruption all over the spectrum, but never the divisive vicious manipulating anything goes and anything is accepted crap we have seen ushered in with the MAGA mentality. It’s as if someone threw gas on and lit and aimed a blowtorch at the worst our society has to offer.

…. So.. that light? This election was not a red wave, as the media predicted. A ripple at best. And some of the MAGA crowd vying for power was sent a clear message – we are tired of the hate, of the rage politics, we want function, not dysfunction.

Trying to distance myself from the muck of the political landscape… I’ve been sitting at the easel again and just finished this little painting, which I truly love. For me it represents simpler times, and a childhood joy I still cherish… those little glass orbs, tiny little worlds in a glass jar on a sunny windowsill. PS: I don’t know why the weird lines appear in this painting’s image here, at least on my computer screen. It’s not in the uploaded image of the painting.

As I sat up there on election day in my son’s old bedroom which is now my “art studio” … I had Amazon music playing and my old buddy Garth came up – how profound is this…. ( yep, I’m still hearing impaired, but I remember my favorites and all their nuances… and I can still hear the base rhythm… so believe it or not, I can still sing – horribly!!) Garth Brooks is one of my very favorites… and this song ranks up there in my top 10 of all time.

We Shall Be Free

This ain’t comin’ from no prophet,

Just an ordinary man.

When I close my eyes,

I see the way this world shall be

When we all walk hand in hand.

When the last child cries for a crust of bread,

When the last man dies for just words that he said,

When there’s shelter over the poorest head,

We shall be free.

When the last thing we notice is the color of the skin,

And the first thing we look for is the beauty within;

When the skies and the oceans are clean again,

Then we shall be free.

We shall be free, we shall be free.

Stand straight, walk proud,

‘Cause we shall be free.

When we’re free to love anyone we choose,

When this world’s big enough for all different views,

When we all can worship from our own kind of pew,

Then we shall be free.

We shall be free, we shall be free

Have a little faith, hold out,

‘Cause we shall be free.

And when money talks for the very last time,

And nobody walks a step behind;

When there’s only one race,

And that’s mankind, then we shall be free.

We shall be free ,we shall be free

Stand straight, (walk proud, )

Have a little faith, (hold out;)

We shall be free.

We shall be free, we shall be free,

(Stand straight, ) stand straight,

(Have a little faith, ) walk proud,

‘Cause we shall be free.

Till soon, Friends…

33

My oldest baby is 33 years old today. Holy cow, time flies. She has overcome and continues to wrestle with an obstacle no one sees or can fully understand (TBI from car accident many moons ago) and she THRIVES regardless – building a beautiful life for herself and her little family as she goes. Cheers to many more years and many more good things to come 🥂🍾❤🌻🧁

Meanwhile… back at the ranch, can you stand a few more fall pictures? New England at her finest – and I just keep saying to myself as I walk the fields and woods, drive the country roads.. man, there just has not been a more glorious fall in all the years I can remember. I see from your comments in the previous post you are finding the same where you live.

Leah and Max enjoying the glorious weather

The barn project continues… we are trying to get it all done before the snow flies this winter…. oh how I hope this comes to fruition because right now with the horses in temporary housing on the hill and the turn out routine, feed supplies and mucking tools scattered.. it’s more work and my neck and shoulders are bitching.

My son’s dog Leo loves going to work with “dad”.

And below.. the old barn gutted… to be rehabbed into the new.

There is more good news hopefully on the horizon, but I can’t yet share it out of an abundance of caution. What I can say is, living with fibromyalgia as I have for many years, I have learned some of the triggers for a flare, and one of the big ones is stress and worry. And Lord, I am a worrier. I haven’t yet discovered how to loosen that thread from the fabric I am made of. But this mantra helps remind me when a new “worry” arrives …. there’s even a magnet on my fridge with these words……

Easier said than done, I know it. But in my older years I am trying to let go of some of the old habits that don’t serve me well. This is one of them. Let go or be dragged. I know you know the woe. Another is losing that extra 20 or so pounds I really really hate dragging around. It doesn’t sound like a huge problem, but mentally it drags me and on this small frame, physically too. Bleh. I’ve tried various things, and I am very active. What it really comes down to is stress and worry eating… and I love to cook for the people I love (which includes me, lol).

And you know, I really do like me and it took me far too long to realize this. Why does it take us so long to arrive at that destination? Think of all the problems it would solve if we were born and grew up liking/LOVING! ourselves and knowing our worth.

Wishing you all good things, and thank you for stopping in.

Showing Up

The drought this year has been brutal, hasn’t it? Our lawns are literally crunchy. Of course this was the summer we decided to tame our back yard garden, tossing what got way too large for it’s space, planting many new perennials and a few flowering cherry trees. So, that’s meant watering watering watering, we are thankful for a very good well here on the farm. Down at Stella by the Sea, we gave up on any ideas of green grass. I have managed to keep the potted geraniums and sweet potato vine alive and the tomatoes from that little garden have been heavenly. Up here on the farm, the yield has been.. meh. And it’s already spent.

Stella tomatoes…

A Stella Sunset taken last night by another photographer with a drone at extreme low tide… where you can walk across the entire cove without getting your waist wet. The water rises about six feet at high tide, so the boats that use our cove have to navigate when they should come and go.

Miss Molly is doing very well here with us, she and Lacey are definitely a team now, and she continues to astound us with her navigation abilities. She knows our voices and whinnies when we come to the barn at feed time, she knows where the gate is and comes right to it to be led in to their stall. When she wants to find Lacey in their paddock she stands still and listens for the bell tied in lacey’s mane, and walks right over to her, as if she had sight. It truly, truly amazing.

More wedding photos, the photog versions have arrived….. Indeed the whole darn lot of us had some good old fashioned fun ✨

Mom and my son…. (she was the JP)

Cousins, Me, Sister, Niece 💕

Boyz to Men – They all grew up together, went to school together, played sports together, and two have joined the group by becoming family… I just love this photo for so many reasons.

The night goes so fast, as they always do when you’re having fun. It was something we all needed, and we all cut loose. It’s times like these that remind us how it feels to be really alive, all in, enjoying each other’s company, casting worries and stress aside. We definitely showed up. When you get the chance… take it.

Leaving you with these wise words right here… I am ALL ABOUT THIS from here on out… So done with the self criticisms, I am so grateful to be here to experience the whole process. We’re winning, friends…. every single blessed day… we are winning.

Till soon, friends…

Molly & Lacey

Welcome Molly to the M Family Farm!

Molly was rescued last year from an out of state auction that shall remain unnamed. She had severe uveitis (eye inflammation) that had been left untreated by previous owner and she was obese. The auction was running her through as pregnant ( with a stud colt!) and about 10 years old. They get more money for them that way, but it was all lies … The rescue woman extraordinaire saw her suffering , bought her and brought her home to care for her. After extensive attempts, her eyes could not be saved but Miss Molly has shown the world she is just fine as she is- she has been here for two days and is already navigating her paddock with Lacey just fine, it’s amazing, almost unbelievable, and we love her so much already. Lacey approves too, she’s wearing a small bell which I have braided into her mane that tells Molly where she is. …. it’s a beautiful thing.

I hope all is well in your world. Lord knows if you follow any media it looks like the world has gone to hell in a handbasket and there’s plenty to back that up… however, there is so much good and so much beauty and so much inspiration if we only seek it, and most often it’s there right in front of our eyes, sometimes in the smallest of ways and in the every day. Believe it.

Sharing a Black Magic Chocolate Cake recipe here with you, I plan to try it soon, but it looks divine!

Grow where you’re planted

Our garden is thriving, and I have to be upfront and say we don’t do all this work by ourselves here in this big plot – we have help from our construction crew – when work load is slow they help in the garden.

Last night I went shopping for dinner up on the hill behind the house, pulled potatoes and onions right out of the ground, it’s a beautiful thing…

I made some triple berry jam, throwing some store bought strawberries in with our blueberries and raspberries…

and made my Grandmother Elsie’s BBQ sauce… she was an outstanding cook and made some fancy dishes including an incredible roast with dumplings and gravy I have yet to duplicate and her pies were legendary- but one of my favorites was her bbq ribs – and her recipe for sauce came off the back of a dominos brown sugar box. It’s soooo yum. The ribs are first baked for an hour at 400 in Coca Cola – then drain the coke and smother with bbq sauce- bake for another half hour till ribs are looking perfectly saucy baked . This sauce can be used on chicken, burgers, even hotdogs !

I grew up on Staten Island where most of us had postage stamp sized yards …. across the street from an old Italian named Joe. He had the most magnificent tiny garden and each summer he would let me come over and pick a few of the best tomatoes for our family. We would save a few for my grandfather, who thought a good garden tomato was food worthy of the Gods and he wasn’t wrong. Joe would also let me eat the peppers right off the plant because that’s how I loved them most, before they were fried or roasted.

It doesn’t escape me for one minute, how fortunate we are to farm this land. What a treasure it is to harvest dinner from our own hill. If you’re not already doing it, I honestly believe it’s one of the best things you can do for yourself- and it can be a container garden on your deck or herbs on a window sill , you don’t need acreage. It just feels so good to stick hands in dirt, tend plants, reap the rewards- and gives children a quality lesson and skill that’s never wasted in life.

Think about it… reap what you sow, grow where you are planted, …

Life is like a garden, you reap what you sow… from your own fertile soils, your seedlings do grow