Don’t worry, be happy

 I have issues.
 Worry issues.
 Way too much worry, all the time.
  There are invisible scars from a traumatic incident five years go,
where one of us four almost died. 
The  possibility of survival was in question for weeks
 and it was a long time before we were out of the woods.
I  came out of that experience a stronger person in some ways…
 and a damaged person in others. 
 
No longer do I float along the river of life oblivious to the perils, to our fragile existence. 
  There is a constant undertow of  heightened awareness to danger,
 and that’s a hell of a state to be in all the time.  
 So.. I am trying to quiet the voices, the fears,
 the anxieties that come with the experience of being a mother. 
 It ain’t easy.  
Just ask my kids. 

32 thoughts on “Don’t worry, be happy”

  1. (that rose and bud are just gorgeous!)

    not being a mother myself, i can only imagine the worry that goes along with it – my mother had 8 kids and worried about each one of us 'til her dying day. the 'letting go into the world' part would frighten the hell out of me. so i can only imagine after a harrowing experience like you had…

    i worry about my 4-legged kids enough…

  2. I don't think we can ever quiet them…we just call them what they are and don't let the voices own us. I have 3; the only way I can deal with 24/7 worry is to fall back on my faith…I know they're not completely in my hands. And, the one upstairs can take care of them a lot better than I can 🙂

  3. HARDEST JOB EVER…being a Mom! I am a total worrier too! My Gram always used to tell me, "little kids little worries, big kids BIG worries! XX

  5. My mother went through that in 1963 when my eldest brother passed away due to leukemia. She never did quiet the voice or recover from it. I know that YOU will.

    Di

  6. My mother was a first class worrier so I come by it naturally. If my father was 5 minutes late, she was ready to call the police and we lived in a tiny town.

    Your traumatic incident sounds like a very difficult thing to deal with. They say take one day at at time, but I think that only works sometimes, especially if you have the "worrier" gene.

    Hope your Father's day weekend is wonderful.
    Sam

  8. I understand:) Myself, I have PSTD from a very nasty first family experience.
    I found this quote from a friend that helped me look at things differently "Worrying is like praying for what you DON'T want"
    So true!

  9. If I wasn't consumed with worry, I would surely be dead! I just hope there's no worry, after death, I need a break.

  10. I was always a chronic worrier.
    I am an only child with no children.

    I cannot imagine being a mother and not being a chronic worrier.
    But, Life happens whether we want it to or not…..
    I learned a great deal when I cared for a terminally ill friend until his death. He helped me see the vastness of "what-ifs" from a different view. So on days of great worry, I try to remember his last days of joy.
    Just my little thoughts, Karen.

    You are a beautiful person. Enjoy that family of yours.
    xo, misha

  12. I've received the dreaded call at two in the morning–several times. I know of what you speak and the dread and anxiety that accompany it. I've actually written a post about part of it, but wasn't ready to post it–not yet. In some ways, it makes life's joys even sweeter, though, because you know how tenuous life on this planet is.

  14. Those things tend to stay with us, I think, for some time. Once a semi ran me off the highway. It was probably five years before I could ride in a car on a highway without holding my breath every time a semi came near.
    Brenda

  16. Well, I know about anxieties……..but 6 years of AlAnon saved me.
    I know you don't need that, but maybe some counseling might help.
    Sometimes we have to drag the monster out and take a good look at it, before we can let it go.
    I know from experience.

  17. Me too, worrier extraordinaire. It's in the Mom contract, third paragraph down! Scary that you had such a close call and with one of the kids? I can't even imagine, that rug pulled out from under you feeling where you have no control. Angels sometimes ride with me I'm sure. This week I missed a deer by a fraction of an inch, thank God my Guardian Angel can fly fast!

  19. I know what you mean! I raised 4 sons…and all that THAT means! A mother will worry…we have a right! I have something I've told my boys and now my grandkids. I told God that I couldn't take care of my boys…watch them every minute and keep them safe! I told Him that He would have to take care of them! And it took much of the bad worry away. I still pray that prayer every day of my life! ♥

  20. Oh boy!! If you find that answer to quieting the fears of parenthood, please pass that advice on to me. Thank you and good luck in your search.

  21. Karen,

    I could have written that post. I come by worrying naturally through genetics, but when my son was severely injured and in a coma I was scarred.
    Worrying equates living in fear. It is a horrible way to live. I am still working on living joyfully each day. I try very hard to hand my worries over to God. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. When the worst happened I found myself blindsided. I rationalized that I would never be unprepared again. That made me a very unhappy person. Keep trying to find what works for you and allows you to live peacefully.

  22. Worry is my middle name. I grew up with a mother that worried constantly. She always thought we were dead on a slab (her words). She stills worries today about all of us and her grandchildren. We have had two close calls with our children and boy is it traumatic. Most recently this fall with my daughter who was away at school. An ear infection that turned into a staph infection that distorted her face and was less than minutes from spreading to her brain. I never want to be scared like that again. It's the helplessness and lack of control that can make you feel sick with worry.

  23. I can truly relate to this post. Mine started after my mom was diagnosed with cancer and 13 days later she died. I think it was then that I realized how truly fragile life is and how quickly things can change. Yoga and meditation help, I just need to be better about setting aside time to do both!

    Kat

  24. We've also had our share. It started with #1 niece (my brothers daughter) when she had a brain tumor at age 2 and there was a 90% chance it was cancer . . . thank God for the other 10%! Then niece #2 (pushy sister #3's 1st baby) gave us a huge scare shortly after birth with blood coming out her mouth. Long story short, she was rushed to Children's Hospital for internal bleeding via ambulance, and it turned out it was from blood vessels breaking in my sister from nursing. A few years ago my husband had an asthma attack that landed him in the hospital for 11 days with a 40% chance of survival. More recently my mom, she had a stroke a year ago and life as we knew it has changed.

    I know what you mean when you say you came out a stronger person. I'll add your family to my prayer pot.

  26. Coming from a home of two silent worriers — I believe I went the other way and decided some time ago, worrying does no good at all. I do worry at times about "what ifs", in spight of my upbringing, but for the most part, I try to enjoy the moment.

    It does get a bit easier as they grow and get out on their own. But we never really stop worrying. 🙂

  28. It is hard to seek a balance but that is exactly what is needed…even harder when you have gone through a close call…

  29. Once you've gone through such an experience, you never take things for granted. Been there myself. And as a mother, well that's a lifetime of worry!

  31. Karen, I pray peace for you. when my sister lost her only child 26 years ago, I was terrified of letting own my two little ones out of my sight. finally, one day, she told me that I had to stop that, that I would make them and myself miserable, so let them live life and enjoy every minute. And eventually I did. I thought that my family had "paid the price" so to speak in losing her and we wouldn't have to go through this type of terrible tragedy again. Then 3 weeks ago, on Memorial Day, we lost our oldest grandson in another horrible accident. We are still trying to cope. the thing I am trying to accept is that none of these children we are blessed with (and we have 4 married children and 9, now 8, grands) do not really belong to us. They have been entrusted to us to love , train and enjoy for the time that they are here. Life is uncertain but my faith helps me tremendously. I pray for you much peace.

  32. I remember it like it was yesterday. It thrills my heart to see her each time I do–knowing that she is a true miracle! Love to you all; especially our girl! Claudia

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