I’m just trying to get home

It is almost unfathomable that all five men, officers, who beat Tyre Nichols to death participated in such a disgusting, hideous, inhumane act. All five of them .. on one unarmed man. Spraying, tasing, Kicking him in the head! Repeatedly. So far, it appears there was no justification for the traffic stop. Is there really any wonder he ran for his life? His last words were Momma… momma, momma… who’s house was 100 yards away. Every mother was called right then.
When I heard about this I admittedly assumed these officers would be white… because we have heard that narrative before, haven’t we. Shockingly, they were all black. Which makes this even more heartbreaking if that’s even possible .
So many things wrong here. Why such murderous violence, of course… why is skin color ever a part of the equation and yet it’s one of the first assumptions we make when we hear a story like this, am I right? Many layers too- violence and crime numbers are up, we idolize and elect politicians who promote violence, we sell video games that promote violence, we can’t even pass sensible gun laws in this country ( for the 1,oooth time, no one is looking to take away the guns of law abiding citizens). How many mass shootings in the US in the past week alone? We don’t address poverty or mental illness effectively.
Another layer- the distrust and distain these hideous events cause for all the law enforcement out there who put their own lives in jeopardy every day and with the best of intentions and sometimes put in the worst of situations to protect us all. Having two members of our family serving or served as police officers, the danger they and their families live with, the crap they have to put up with and many do with integrity and good will and tremendous courage and grit , it’s also amazing anyone is still willing to put themselves in that position.
And how it’s lost on anyone that violence and damage and looting to protest violence is just one wrong after another and feeds the flame and the stigma .. is beyond me. It’s no solution, it’s simply an excuse for more of the same. But when you feel you are repeatedly unheard, what are your options? More layers.
I hesitated to post about this because what does my two cents really matter, but Jesus, just ignoring something so awful feels really wrong.

The State of Things…

 

I don’t even watch the news anymore, rarely skim the headlines, truly shy away from anyone posting political crap on social media, and I used to be one who chirped.. a lot!  I just cannot believe the utter shit show across the entire political system, our governing bodies.    I decided my sanity and well being is more important than absorbing all the toxic noise, misinformation, ignorance.  And we all know in our deepest well of knowledge that we don’t change the heart or mind of another person who will believe what they want to believe, no matter the detriment to themselves or others.  So I stopped trying to do that, too.  And I must admit, I’m not so sure those I trusted are trustworthy enough.

It’s freeing!  I’m spending more time improving the quality of the work I put into my day job, this farm, the critters in my care, my family, myself. I picked up the paint brush again and completed a piece for a friend, and I have a new one on the easel.  It all feels like the right thing to do.

The completed piece –  this tells the beginning story of an immigrant who was born in this house ( no hospitals anywhere near) and raised here until his family moved (legally!) to this country for a better way of life.  They have worked very hard for a long time with two successful businesses now  and just built a beautiful barn and home  here in town.  He wanted this painting made as a reminder of their journey.

New on the easel… when completed it will be a snowy scene of a Vermont covered bridge in a  town we visit often, many good memories and hopefully more to be made.

The weather has been good and bad and iffy and good and bad again. In between raindrops or frigid temps I’ve been walking with Kai again, and recently my son and I have gone on a few short hikes. It feels good to keep going.. and we’ll get more hikes in when weather permits.

This is Deer Lake Reservation, which has just been sold by the Boy Scouts of America after a lengthy campaign by locals and state representatives to save it from development, to Pathfinders, which will keep it as a camp and public recreation area and wildlife refuge.  There are extensive trails, too.. this is a BIG WIN for nature, for campers and the general public who appreciate and recognize the value of open space.  There are many cabins the scouts and other campers used, and they will be kept up by the new owner and used in summer camp programs.

This quartz wedged in a large boulder looks like teeth!

We’ve also been down to the shore for some winter walks…

This next scene is going to be my next painting, on a bigger canvas for the living room if it comes out decent.  I am so grateful for this New England lanscape, diverse and beautiful in all seasons.

Our girls are in the second trimester of their pregnancies now, we are all so exciting for  Jonathan and Mia to arrive.  The eternal worrier in me keeps praying all will go well for both moms to be and their babies, and the dads as well!   Baby showers being planned, I’ve already got a shelf full of childrens books I’ve been collecting for many years ( I’m a big fan).  The baby clothes nowadays are so much more fun than when we were young mothers!  and the baby equipment too.

I hope all is well in your neck of the woods or piece of the plains,  spit of sand on the shore or your stamp on suburbia…  what have you been doing to stay sane in these troubling times?… creativity, better health, new horizons, perhaps travel again?    Covid is running rampant again around these parts, my son and daughter-in-law just got over it.  People are masking up again….just.. ugh.

closing this post with a few pieces I’ve found inspiring or profound…

 

Till soon-

 

Merry Happy

So many people going through so much stuff, life is definitely not a cake walk for just about anyone… don’t judge the book by it’s cover and all that.  The holidays can exasperate whatever is troubling, so my wish for anyone still reading my drivel  here is that you are finding some joy and peace of mind this holiday season.

 

I am a sentimental fool,   and while that trait brings along with it some pain,  it’s worth it to have the heart.  I have traditions in this old house and the ones before it… some recipes from ancestors long gone, traditions I’ve kept with my kids from the time they were little…decorations reminiscent of my grandmother’s home, ornaments my mother had on our childhood tree.   My favorite collection, though, are the people around the table.  As life rolls along, we lose some of our loved ones, and we gain new members. The circle of life.

I love my mom’s holiday spirit! Her mother, my Nana… used to do the same.. she decorated ALL THE THINGS..  even including little red bows on picture frames ….

Christmas Punch!

The barn renovation is complete – and all horses, goats and chickens are moved in.  For this aging body, having done barn chores for the bast 40 plus years, it is a beautiful thing to have it all consolidated into one building. When we moved to This Old House from our previous farm, I thought I was winding down my farm animal operations and focusing on other things.  But… my daughter continued her interest in showing (we’re done with that) and I found chicken keeping entertaining and fruitful!… and then .. well, goats.  The small outbuildings we brought in for them worked… but going from one to the other especially in storms or winter weather was more work.  We converted our three stall row shed type horse barn to a full center aisle barn with chicken coop/goat stall/ horse stalls all in one building and with this past few days 19 degree temps and freezing water, etc., it’s been a welcome improvement during chores.

Both my daughter and my daughter in law are expecting babies in the Spring, we are over the moon excited to welcome baby Jonathan and Baby Mia to our family.  I’ve tried on all the common grandmother names… Gigi, Mimi, Nana, Nanny, grandma, Nonni, Nonna, loli, Lolly, and  I’ve decided I am really just a Gram.  If I had my way, everyone and anyone would just call me Karen or Mom, but not everyone is comfortable with that, so be it.  (not the new and bastardized politicized meaning for Karen, by the way.  Ugh, that is disappointing).

If you’re so inclined, tell me what’s new in your neck of the woods, what brings you joy these days, any traditions you care to share – leaving a few things below that bring me inspiration… wishing you all good things in the coming year, and THANK YOU for stopping in –

                   

 

Till soon –

 

We Shall Be Free

 

As these elections come and go I find I am at a loss for words that adequately describe my heartbreak for the state of the world and this country that I love. And as I see politicians who continuously sow seeds of division and hate and people/media/politicans continue to spread false information with the intention to divide and conquer… I don’t know how it’s lost on anyone this very simple but very real truth….. united we stand, divided we will eventually fall.  We are falling.  We need leaders who are focused on bringing us all together regardless of our affiliations, for that is where we become strong…… leaders who believe in democracy at it’s best, leaders who truly care about all of us, not just those who bow to them or line their pockets. We need leaders who care about the earth because we are fucking it up royally and that’s not a bottomless pit, we need leaders who’s egos don’t get in the way of the job they’re supposed to do… for all of us, not just their rally crowds. I don’t like most of my choices for voting, I wish we did better across the whole political spectrum. And I sure as hell don’t have the answer – but I will not lose any more of my precious time fretting over something I have no control over other than my vote. I will continue to try to leave things better than I found them, help those I can, and although I’m not religious, this country and it’s people are gonna need every prayer we’ve got, because all I see is more ugly coming down the pike, and too many people looking the other way to support it for whatever their reasons. Unfathomable, and yet here we are.

I wrote this a week or so ago, just before the most recent elections….. and what I see now  is HOPE.   A LIGHT beaming out over the dysfunction.  I still believe a mix of both Democratic and Republican policy make for a strong Democracy if the two parties can work together for the common good.  There in lies the rub!  There has always been friction,  and some corruption all over the spectrum, but never the divisive vicious manipulating  anything goes and anything is accepted crap  we have seen ushered in with the MAGA mentality.  It’s as if someone threw gas on and lit and aimed a blowtorch at the worst our society has to offer.

…. So.. that light?    This election was not a red wave, as the media predicted.  A ripple at best.  And some of the MAGA crowd vying for power was sent a clear message – we are tired of the hate, of the rage politics, we want function, not dysfunction.

Trying to distance myself from the muck of the political landscape… I’ve been sitting at the easel again and just finished this little painting, which I truly love.  For me it represents simpler times, and a childhood joy I still cherish… those little glass orbs, tiny little worlds in a glass jar on a sunny windowsill. PS: I don’t know why the weird lines appear in this painting’s image here, at least on my computer screen.  It’s not in the uploaded image of the painting.

As I sat up there on election day  in my son’s old bedroom which is now my “art studio” … I had Amazon music playing and my old buddy Garth came up  – how profound is this…. ( yep, I’m still hearing impaired, but I remember my favorites and all their nuances… and I can still hear the base rhythm… so believe it or not, I can still sing – horribly!!)   Garth Brooks is one of my very favorites… and this song ranks up there in my top 10 of all time.

 

We Shall Be Free

This ain’t comin’ from no prophet,
Just an ordinary man.
When I close my eyes,
I see the way this world shall be
When we all walk hand in hand.
When the last child cries for a crust of bread,
When the last man dies for just words that he said,
When there’s shelter over the poorest head,
We shall be free.
When the last thing we notice is the color of the skin,
And the first thing we look for is the beauty within;
When the skies and the oceans are clean again,
Then we shall be free.
We shall be free, we shall be free.
Stand straight, walk proud,
‘Cause we shall be free.
When we’re free to love anyone we choose,
When this world’s big enough for all different views,
When we all can worship from our own kind of pew,
Then we shall be free.
We shall be free, we shall be free
Have a little faith, hold out,
‘Cause we shall be free.
And when money talks for the very last time,
And nobody walks a step behind;
When there’s only one race,
And that’s mankind, then we shall be free.
We shall be free ,we shall be free
Stand straight, (walk proud, )
Have a little faith, (hold out;)
We shall be free.
We shall be free, we shall be free,
(Stand straight, ) stand straight,
(Have a little faith, ) walk proud,
‘Cause we shall be free.

 

Till soon, Friends…

 

33

 

My oldest baby is 33 years old today.  Holy cow, time flies.  She has overcome and continues to wrestle with an obstacle no one sees or can fully understand (TBI from car accident many moons ago) and she THRIVES regardless – building a beautiful life for herself and her little family as she goes.  Cheers to many more years and many more good things to come 🥂🍾❤🌻🧁

Meanwhile… back at the ranch, can you stand a few more fall pictures?  New England at her finest – and I just keep saying to myself as I walk the fields and woods, drive the country roads.. man, there just has not been a more glorious fall in all the years I can remember.  I see from your comments in the previous post you are finding the same where you live.

Leah and Max enjoying the glorious weather

The barn project continues… we are trying to get it all done before the snow flies this winter…. oh how I hope this comes to fruition because right now with the horses in temporary housing on the hill and the turn out routine,  feed supplies and mucking tools scattered.. it’s more work and my neck and shoulders are bitching.

My son’s dog Leo loves going to work with “dad”.

 

And below.. the old barn gutted… to be rehabbed into the new.

There is more good news hopefully on the horizon, but I can’t yet share it out of an abundance of caution.  What I can say is, living with fibromyalgia as I have for many years, I have learned some of the triggers for a flare, and one of the big ones is stress and worry.  And Lord, I am a worrier.  I haven’t yet discovered how to loosen that thread from the fabric I am made of.  But this mantra helps remind me when a new “worry” arrives …. there’s even a magnet on my fridge with these words……

    Easier said than done, I know it.  But in my older years I am trying to let go of some of the old habits that don’t serve me well.  This is one of them. Let go or be dragged.     I know you know the woe.    Another is losing that extra 20 or so pounds I really really hate dragging around.  It doesn’t sound like a huge problem, but mentally it drags me and on this small frame, physically too.  Bleh.   I’ve tried various things, and I am very active.  What it really comes down to is stress and worry eating… and I love to cook for the people I love (which includes me, lol).

And you know, I really do like me and it took me far too long to realize this.  Why does it take us so long to arrive at that destination?  Think of all the problems it would solve if we were born and grew up liking/LOVING! ourselves and knowing our worth.

Wishing you all good things, and thank you for stopping in.

A Glorious Fall

Oh how I love this season!  I don’t really have a favorite season, do you?  There is something magical in each, if you ask my two cents worth.  This particular fall is one of the most glorious I have witnessed so far. The summer’s long dry spell and the sudden onslaught of heavy rains for days must be the right combination of “stuff” to make the leaves turn magical here in New England.  The colors are just extraordinary!  How is it looking in your neck of the woods?   The Mr. and I took a ride this weekend to one of our favorite spots after picking up sandwiches at a nearby deli… and I snapped some pictures along the way.  Just.. So… Gorgeous.

Here on the farm, we’ve been working on some projects.. replacing rotted fencing… it’s been TWELVE YEARS since we renovated and moved into this old farm house and property and the split rail needs replacing.  Holy cow, time flies, friends.    So far we’ve managed the dog yard, which is a pretty big area.  AND, we’ve installed a gate at the driveway entrance because Google maps or whatever alien life designates the streets on those things has decided our driveway is a road to somewhere else.  And it is not.  And then the drivers get annoyed because they aren’t getting where the map tells them they should be as we wave them down and tell them to SLOW DOWN and  please go back to the road because they’re on private property.  Which annoys them.  Imagine!   Hence.. the gate.

We’re also giving the horse barn a big facelift!  In our 35-ish years together, M and I have had four farms, built four homes and four barns.  When we took on This Old House I thought we would be winding down the livestock part of our farm endeavor, so we built a relatively small barn for the horses.  Then came the goats.  And the Chickens.  And another horse.. or two.  With those critters came their small outbuildings.  And in winter, when the snow flies and accumulates, let me tell you… … it’s a lot of work shoveling and moving hay and grain and shavings and water to where it needs to go, and this Mother Hen is no spring chicken.  *ahem.    So.. the new barn is being added on to the old structure and will be much more efficient than the current system we’ve had.  All those outbuildings have a new home with another chicken farmer.

In other news, my daughter just got engaged! These two live right next door and we are thrilled for their happiness!

With the evenings longer and more time spent indoors, I’ve been finding some time to read again for pleasure.  Gladys Taber is an author of years gone by, and one of my very favorites. I have at least seven of her books pertaining to her beloved Stillmeadow Farm in Southbury, CT and whenever I need a reprieve from the larger world and it’s “heavy”, I pick up a Still meadow book and read, and relax into her world of  grace, peace and country sensibility.  It’s like watching  that old movie, White Christmas with Bing Crosby et al.  Her books are no longer in print, but they are still found in old book stores, online and if you’re really lucky, while hunting through someone else’s discarded treasures.

I hope this finds you well and contented, and if you’re so inclined, let me know how things are going with you and yours!

Till soon –

 

Showing Up

The drought this year has been brutal, hasn’t it?  Our lawns are literally crunchy. Of course this was the summer we decided to tame our back yard garden, tossing what got way too large for it’s space, planting many new perennials and a few  flowering cherry trees.  So, that’s meant watering watering watering,  we are thankful for a very good well here on the farm.  Down at Stella by the Sea, we gave up on any ideas of green grass. I have managed to keep the potted geraniums and sweet potato vine alive and the tomatoes from that little garden have been heavenly.  Up here on the farm, the yield has been.. meh.  And it’s already spent.

Stella tomatoes…

A Stella Sunset taken last night by another photographer with a drone at extreme low tide… where you can walk across the entire cove without getting your waist wet.  The water rises about six feet at high tide, so the boats that use our cove have to navigate when they should  come and go.

Miss Molly is doing very well here with us, she and Lacey are definitely a team now, and she continues to astound us with her navigation abilities.  She knows our voices and whinnies when we come to the barn at feed time, she knows where the gate is and comes right to it to be led in to their stall.  When she wants to find Lacey in their paddock she stands still and listens for the bell tied in lacey’s mane, and walks right over to her, as if she had sight.  It truly, truly amazing.

More wedding photos, the photog versions have arrived….. Indeed the whole darn lot of us had some good old fashioned fun ✨

Mom and my son…. (she was the JP)

Cousins, Me, Sister, Niece 💕

 

Boyz to Men   –  They all grew up together, went to school together, played sports together, and two have joined the group by becoming family… I just love this photo for so many reasons.

The night goes so fast, as they always do when you’re having fun.  It was something we all needed, and we all cut loose.  It’s times like these that remind us how it feels to be really alive, all in, enjoying each other’s company, casting worries and stress aside.    We definitely showed up.  When you get the chance… take it.

Leaving you with these wise words right here… I am ALL ABOUT THIS from here on out…  So done with the self criticisms, I am so grateful to be here to experience the whole process.    We’re winning, friends….  every single blessed day… we are winning.

 

Till soon, friends…

 

Molly & Lacey

Welcome Molly to the M Family Farm!
Molly was rescued  last year from an out of state auction that shall remain unnamed. She had severe uveitis (eye inflammation) that had been left untreated by previous owner and she was obese. The auction was running her through as pregnant ( with a stud colt!) and about 10 years old. They get more money for them that way, but it  was all lies … The rescue woman extraordinaire saw her suffering , bought her and brought her home to care for her. After extensive attempts, her eyes could not be saved but Miss Molly has shown the world she is just fine as she is- she has been here for two days and is already navigating her paddock with Lacey just fine, it’s amazing, almost unbelievable, and we love her so much already. Lacey approves too, she’s wearing a small bell which I have braided  into her mane that tells Molly where she is. …. it’s a beautiful thing.
I hope all is well in your world.  Lord knows if you follow any media it looks like the world has gone to hell in a handbasket and there’s plenty to back that up… however, there is so much good and so much beauty and so much inspiration if we only seek it, and most often it’s there right in front of our eyes, sometimes in the smallest of ways and in the every day.   Believe it.
Sharing a Black Magic Chocolate Cake recipe here with you, I plan to try it soon, but it looks divine!

Grow where you’re planted

Our garden is thriving, and I have to be upfront and say we don’t do all this work by ourselves here in this big plot – we have help from our construction crew – when work load is slow they help in the garden.

Last night I went shopping for dinner up on the hill behind the house, pulled potatoes and onions right out of the ground,  it’s a beautiful thing…

 

I made some triple berry jam, throwing some store bought strawberries in with our blueberries and raspberries…

and made my Grandmother Elsie’s BBQ sauce…  she  was an outstanding cook and made some fancy dishes including an incredible roast with dumplings and gravy I have yet to duplicate  and her pies were legendary- but one of my favorites was her bbq ribs – and her recipe for sauce came off the back of a dominos brown sugar box. It’s soooo yum.  The  ribs are first baked for an hour at 400 in Coca Cola – then drain the coke and smother with bbq sauce- bake for another half hour till ribs are looking perfectly saucy baked . This sauce can be used on chicken, burgers, even hotdogs !

I grew up on Staten Island where most of us had postage stamp sized yards …. across the street from an old Italian named Joe. He had the most magnificent tiny garden and each summer he would let me come over and pick a few of the best tomatoes for our family. We would save a few for my grandfather, who thought a good garden tomato was food worthy of the Gods and he wasn’t wrong. Joe would also let me eat the peppers right off the plant because that’s how I loved them most, before they were fried or roasted.
It doesn’t escape me for one minute, how fortunate we are to farm this land. What a treasure it is to harvest dinner from our own hill. If you’re not already doing it, I honestly believe it’s one of the best things you can do for yourself- and it can be a container garden on your deck or herbs on a window sill , you don’t need acreage. It just feels so good to stick hands in dirt, tend plants, reap the rewards- and gives children a quality lesson and skill that’s never wasted in life.
 Think about it… reap what you sow, grow where you are planted, …
Life is like a garden, you reap what you sow… from your own fertile soils, your seedlings do grow ✨