Tag: ha ha

Durham Academy Weather Announcement

 This is hilarious… have you seen it yet? Way to go, guys….  Lyrics below.. and some info about the school itself from one of my favorite blog readers, Maggy….who is a tutor at the Hill Center across the street.

Durham Academy (aka, “DA”) has two campuses; the Upper School (high school)
and Lower School (elementary grades) are across the street from The Hill
Center, the school I tutor for. In fact, back in the late 70s, George Watts
Hill, a community leader and philanthropist, and his 2nd wife, a teacher with
three children (one which had learning disabilities), were instrumental in
bringing together educators to help address and teach students
with learning differences. That initial program morphed into what is now
The Hill Center, which is both a school as well as a training center for
teachers.

Lyrics:

All right stop, Collaborate and listen
Ice is back and the roads will glisten
Polar vortex has a hold of us tightly
Wind like a harpoon daily and nightly

Will the power stop? Yo — I don’t know
Turn up the heat and then let go
Sleet fallin’ down like a million missiles
Bringin’ school delays and early dismissals.

Dance, To the grocery store
Buy batteries before conditions become . . .
Deadly, slippery roads might be
So stay in your house and drink hot tea

Don’t worry kids, the learning’s not lost
We have Evernote, Moodle, Veracross
If there is a problem, Greg Fishel will solve it
Check out a book while the ice dissolves. It’s

Ice, ice baby. No school, there’s ice, ice baby. No school, there’s ice, ice baby. No school there’s ice, ice baby!

One of these days, Alice….

BOOM!.. Right to the moon!!!
*sigh*
 Sometimes, especially when I think I’m coping rather well with my loss of hearing… the reality of it creeps in on me again and I could get pretty depressed about it if I let those feelings settle.  
 Yesterday I got a lot accomplished around here.  I was particularly happy with the paleo soup and banana bread I had just finished making for last night’s supper.  One pan was pretty sticky and I decided to leave the hot water running over it for a -few minutes- to help me get the pan clean. 
Hearing impaired people lose the ability to hear most running water unless you happen to be standing next to Niagara falls. 
So .. back to the running water.  I ran upstairs to do some laundry… came back downstairs to fold done laundry.. checked e-mail, wrote a blog post… then remembered I needed to turn that hot water off and clean the pan.  As I walked back into the kitchen I stepped in a puddle.  The puddle covered half the kitchen floor.   A measuring cup I had used to cook… covered the drain hole and the sink flooded.. and then spilled over… and over… and over.   Even the basement needed mopping.  Many many soaked towels, carpets and curses later.. the mess is cleaned up.  HOWEVER… our hardwood floors are buckling.
If I had been a person with normal hearing, I would have heard the water hit the floor the second it did so. 
To my husband’s credit and much to my surprise, when he arrived home last night he did not blow a fit, visualize Ralph Kramden right here.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a mess of towels to sort out, some wet carpet to move around, and an appointment at the Jeep Dealership to see if they can get the dead mouse out of the engine, because the stench is hideous.
It’s a wonderful life, though, isn’t it?   It’s a new day, all.   Never ever leave a running sink unattended, OK?
Ok.
. 

Going Commando

   Recently a dear friend in animal rescue joked on FB about being so behind in laundry she had to borrow a pair of her sons  underwear on that particular morning.  I’m sure he’s scarred for life….lol…. and of course there ensued what you’ve probably already guessed.. a hilarious back and forth among commenters about the virtues of underwear… or not wearing any –  a/k/a  “Going Commando”. 

A hilarious take on this can be seen here.. one of my favorite moments in the old sitcom, “Friends”.
 

  I happen to be one of those people who really can’t imagine going out of the house without underwear.  You might laugh at this, but I don’t think there has ever been a time when I did NOT have underwear on unless in the shower, the tub, having s*x or wearing a bathing suit.   I’m not pointing any judgemental fingers at those who prefer to go Commando… I’m just sayin…it doesn’t work for me.

  My grandmother lived on the Florida panhandle for a period of time.  During one particular visit,  we were in the company of a lovely neighbor, a  southern lady of about 90 years.  Virginia had a velvety southern drawl so thick, my grandmother could hardly understand it.  She  also had a lovely beach bungalow filled with southern charm, and she walked briskly around the house in floral summer dresses with the ease of someone much younger.  I have no idea how we got on the subject… but out of her mouth with exuberance came words I will never forget.  “It’s good to walk around without the hindrance of underwear.  You have to let your parts breathe!”. 

 I nearly spit out my sweet tea.

Team KMax

K doesn’t do the winter show scene, 
but she continues diligent work thanks to the indoor where she boards Max
to improve their “game” for the new show season. 
Here at home, Opie gets a big reprieve in winter… 
as I am a bit of a wuss when it
comes to cold weather riding. 
See that shine?  K is just a tad OCD like her Dad..
and has the squeekiest clean horse in the barn 🙂
Max is 18 this year…
looking good, old man! 

Max has a special talent.  He likes to undo zippers.
With that big horse mouth he grabs the tiny tab on jacket zippers
and pulls them down to open the jacket.
The first time he did that to K… she said..
Whoa Max.. it’s a little too soon in the relationship, don’t you think?

Why did the rooster cross the road?

To get to my hens on the other side…
much to my chagrin. 
 He’s a handsome boy, I’ll give him that. 
But there are several reasons we don’t have a rooster here at this old house.
1. They beat up on the hens and pluck their back feathers out.
2.  They demand sex all the time and I’m not subjecting my hens to that crap.
3. They’re noisy. 
4. Some are nasty and will chase you if they feel like you are invading their territory.
This guy lives across the street with two other roosters and his own flock of hens.
Until a few weeks ago he stayed on his side of the road. 
For some reason, he believes my flock is his now too, and he comes over frequently
to “claim” them.
I’ve  chased him back to his place several times, still waiting for him to get the message. 
He challenges me on occasion but knows I’m capable of a good drop kick
..so it’s become a stand-off kind of dance without physical confrontation,
then his reluctant retreat. 
Hmmm.. . Maybe it’s the red heat lamp in their coop he has mistaken
for a house of ill repute. 
ROOOOOOX anne…. you don’t have to put on the red light…
(did I get you to sing it again?) 
 
We had a very nice Christmas holiday,
time well spent with family on both sides, cousins getting together
 The older folks reminiscing, siblings catching up. 
Those are the most important gifts – 

I hope you were able to catch some Christmas joy in whatever way 
holds meaning to you – 
As my husband says lately when he ends a call
… (and it’s kinda hilarious if you know him well)
*Peace* 

Here’s looking at you, kid

We had a visitor in the perennial garden this afternoon…

The praying mantis is the only insect that can swivel its head 180 degrees.
If you come across one, you might notice it turns it head to look directly at you.

 Did you know that the female praying mantis sometimes rips her mates head off during or right
after mating?  Apparently the males are full of protein and it’s a good way to
get a jump start on nutrition needed to lay all those eggs.
I’m thinking prenatal vitamins would be easier… 
 who’s gonna help pay all those child rearing bills??

My husband, by the way… has been telling me for many years that
I look like a praying mantis.  I kid you not.
Perhaps thou shalt not close both eyes in thy sleep
should my mantis self decide to behave like one too….

Just sayin.

Frightmare on Victoria Ave.

This guy is hilarious!  My sister sent me a link to this article and ooh,  do I love a good laugh ..and a clever writer.   And even haunted houses, but maybe not this one.
(CNN) Editor’s note: Each week in “Apparently This Matters,” CNN’s Jarrett Bellini applies his warped sensibilities to trending topics in social media and random items of interest on the Web.
 It’s been quite a while since I last soiled my pants. Easily a week or two. Maybe three. But temptation is
everywhere, and the other day, as I was driving down the highway, I
noticed a big sign for a haunted house. And I thought, “Welp, better
stay away from that.”  You know. To keep the streak going.
But as I passed this haunted house, I also sort of did a double take, for it occurred to me that it was still only September.  Granted, it’s the end
of September, but seeing this caused a slight shock to my system,
reminding me that, yes, fall is officially upon us and October is
stealthily hiding right around the corner, chain-smoking clove
cigarettes. October’s such a hipster.
When I finally got home
later in the afternoon, I sat down, like I often do, at my computer to
scour the Web for things people are talking about online. And that’s
when I surfed upon several mentions of some other haunted house — a
rather famous year-round facility at Niagara Falls called Nightmare Fear Factory. 

For all you nature lovers, it’s just down the street from Planet Hollywood.  Seriously, if you’ve
never been to Niagara Falls, understand that the town, which rests right
along the Canadian side of the river, is one of the tackiest places
you’ll ever visit, and the entire area exists solely to vacuum-suck
money out of your wallet as soon as you’re done taking romantic selfies
in front of Big Splashy.
“I love you, Megan. Let’s get an overpriced cheeseburger.”
“And a commemorative paperweight?”
“Anything for you, babe.”
So there’s this big
haunted house right on Victoria Avenue, and, according to their website,
the location was once the Cataract Coffin Factory where, many years
ago, they claim the proprietor, Abraham Mortimer, was killed when a
stack of solid oak coffins collapsed and crushed him to death. Naturally, his ghost still wanders the halls and haunts anyone who passes through his “beloved and now abandoned factory.”
As opposed to just chilling out in heaven with Jimi Hendrix.
I’m not saying the legend isn’t true. But it seems like a rather poor use of time in the afterlife.
“Naw, Jimi, you go on without me. I’m just gonna float around my old factory and be bitter.”
But what really makes
this haunted house famous, especially this time of year, isn’t the
legend. It’s the photos. As visitors wander the haunted halls in pitch
darkness, huddled together following a trail of red lights, they reach a
point where they are confronted by a car full of ghosts. Lights
suddenly shine and secret cameras snap their terrified reactions.
Nightmares Fear Factory is just blocks away from the big splashy of Niagara Falls.
The images are amazing. Picture your grandparents watching Miley Cyrus at the VMAs. With their pastor.
Those are the faces.
As a bonus, some of the images are then fed to a photo stream on flickr so the rest of us can laugh at people clinging to each other in sheer terror. And if that wasn’t
hilarious enough, Nightmares Fear Factory has another way of humiliating
patrons. If someone happens to get too scared during the 10-15 minute
walk through of the house, all they have to do is scream “Nightmares”
and something will take them out.
Something.
That’s their word. Not mine. So, it might be a zombie. Or it might be a ghost. But it could also be, I suppose, a taco shell.
Just something.
Once you’re removed, you
are unceremoniously added to what they call the Chicken Count, which,
at the time of this being published, stands at 124,212 people.  So, as we say goodbye to
September, it’s time to say hello to Nightmares Fear Factory and all
the other seasonal haunted houses that come to us in October. None of
which I’ll be visiting.
You know. To keep the streak going.

You gotta wonder… what the heck are they look’n at?