Why did the chicken cross the road?

This one’s been around, but it still makes me laugh.

SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because gosh-darn it, he’s a  maverick!
Honey, where’s my gun?

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for change! The chicken wanted change!

JOHN MC CAIN:  My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

 HILLARY CLINTON:  When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right from Day One that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn’t about me.

 GEORGE W. BUSH: We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

 DICK CHENEY: Where’s my gun? And where’s Harry Whittington? Is that a quail?

 COLIN POWELL:  Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

BILL CLINTON: I did not …cross the road… with that chicken.

 AL GORE: I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken’s intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some chickens of color.

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won’t realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he’s acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.

 OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I’m going to give this chicken a NEW CAR so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road..

 NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he’s guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
 PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
 MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer’s Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

 ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.

 JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Can’t you people see the plain truth? That’s why they call it the ‘other side.’ Yes, my friends, That chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the Liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like ‘the other side.’ That chicken should not be crossing the road. It’s as plain and as simple as that.

 GRANDPA: In my day we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road.  Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

 BARBARA WALTERS: Isn’t that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish it’s lifelong dream of crossing the road.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

 BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2010, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2010. This new platform is much more stable and will never reboot.

 COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?

An Irish Christmas Tale

 

Paddy was working in his woodwork shop making toys for the lads and lasses. He was hover’n over a saw machine when a wood piece slipped and he cut off all of his fingers. Off to the hospital rushed he.

The doctor asks him “Did you bring your fingers?”

Poor Paddy in tearful pain says “No.”

Doc says “Ah now Paddy, with our modern medical technology we could’ve sewn them back on as good as new. Why didn’t you bring the fingers??”

 And Paddy looks at him and screams “How de feck could I pick dem up????”

Light the Night

 Last night was a little test for This Old House.  500 feet of  old fashioned christmas lights were strung on the pine tree we planted for this very purpose earlier in the year. We even installed an outdoor power switch for the task at hand.     When daylight waned I could barely contain my excitement. I ran outside and flicked the switch.  Alas, the tree was a vision of colored light beauty, just as I had hoped.

 And then it wasn’t. 
And then it was…..
and wasn’t.   

  Our neighbor across the street, a lovely young woman of 80-something years,  has the same love for christmas lights as I, so I told her we’de be lighting it up, keep an eye out,  beware the glare.   After the fourth or fifth black out,  I’m sure she thought we were nutz.  Turns out those old fashioned bulbs can only be strung four strands to a power cord, or the whole thing burns out.  You also need a power cord that can deal with all that wattage.

 It was remedied today, and I’m happy to report a constant glow in that general vicinity as of 5pm.

Village People

 My grandmother did it, my Aunt Virginia did it,  my mother sort of does it, and my sister’s husband does it too (lucky her).  This year me and the kid did it and it didn’t turn out half bad.

Now if this idea came to your mind instantly as you saw the blog post….

well then you’re atleast as old as me.
Now go ahead,  knock these guys all you want..
but they knew how to entertain!
The Proof? ….
 I’m willing to bet you can sing along to more than one of their songs
and you’ve probably done the YMCA full body sign language more than once. 
Am I right or am I right? 
You at least tried it in the privacy of your own room, didn’t ya.
ANYWAY… that’s not what I’m posting about.
Snow Village, Department 56 in particular.
Here’s a peek at ours…

And if anyone knows where I might be able to find the
retired Village greenhouse, let me know.

I must be getting old

  Is it just me or is my age showing?  I am not fond of this not-so- new and wildly popular trend in TV viewing – in particular, Reality TV.   It seems to thrive on the exploitation of all the weaknesses of the human race – like general stupidity and selfishness and superficial material worship among other things.  I don’t blame the participants…No.. I blame the people who came up with these shows AND the viewers who make them so wildly popular.  The reality stars are just making a living.

 I’m sure you’ve all heard of Jersey Shore by now, because it’s beyond wildly popular..and I just have to laugh out loud.  It’s my old stomping grounds from back in the day.

A conversation with my 14 year old:

Him:  Mom, did you ever hear of Jersey Shore?  It’s so cool, you gotta see it. There’s this girl.. Snookie?…

Me: Yes, I know the show. Actually, I know the place, intimately!

Him:  YOU DO NOT. …Jersey SHORE??… were you ever, like, THERE?….

Me:  Yeah, I was theah.  As many weekends as I cud get theah.  It’s wheah we hung ou
 (“t” is silent heah,  and you say the first pawt of “out” hawd and fast and end it quick) 

Him:  You Did Not. OMG you’re talking LIKE THAT!!!

Me:  Yeah so wut.  Go pahk the caw faw me and don’t step in the wahta outside the daw.

Him:  Mom, STOP, you sound so WEIRD.

Me:  Whateva