ha ha – Page 9 – This Old House 2

In search of the rare silver-winged water fowl

There were rumors. It had been spotted by more than a few people. Something folks around these parts have never seen before! I wasn’t sure that I believed it…until I caught a flash of silver as I drove by the rumored pond on my way to the grocery store.

This little pond happens to abutt the back of This Old House’s property, and it borders the main drag most people take in and out of town. So yesterday Ben and I took a walk out back to see if we could get a glimpse. I wasn’t hopeful because the trail narrows and the brush gets thick around that pond and who knows whether the silver winged water fowl was still in residence. Or if it had ever existed at all, for that matter.

With hiking boots, tick repellent and stoic resolve we headed into the wilderness, unsure of the length of the journey or it’s outcome. As with all great journeys, there were risks. It’s hunting season after all, so I wore bright yellow and talked nonsense with great frequency and volume.

Ben was up for the task.

Our first leg was uneventful…

…except for the passing of the chicken manure pile in the back field.

You remember the flies, right?

And the man’s denial that it had anything to do with this HUGE MOUND OF SH*T ?!

Back to the journey…

We avoided the consumption of poisonous berries….

Considered harvesting mushrooms for the evening meal…
Decided against it since I haven’t a clue as to which are edible unless they’ve come
from the grocery store in a cardboard carton…

The woods became dense and the trail less obvious…

but the sky was still friendly and the temperatures moderate…so we forged ahead.

I made note of markers along the way as the trail narrowed to non-existence.

As we neared the body of water the moss grew thicker and the footing became treacherous.

Just as I was about to give in and go home, out of the corner of my eye…..
I saw something….

Good Lord, the rumor is true.
Behold the rare silver winged duck.
And there is more than one!

There is a moral to my story.

When your son who has no interest in hunting comes home with an armload

of old decoys he bought from the neighbor’s yard sale

..disappearing into the garage and mysteriously into the woods for an hour or two…

don’t be afraid to ask the Big Questions.

I suppose this is our version of Graffiti here in the sticks.

The Economy is so bad….

* The economy is so bad that I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

* I ordered a burger at McDonald’s, and the kid behind the counter asked, “Can you afford fries with that?”

* CEO’s are now playing miniature golf.

* If the bank returns your check marked “Insufficient Funds,” you have to call them and ask if they mean you or them .

* Parents in Beverly Hills and Malibu are firing their nannies and learning their children’s names.

* A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico .

* Motel Six doesn’t leave the light on anymore.

* Congress says they are looking into the Bernard Madoff scandal. Oh Great!! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear !

Makes me wonder

I just had a blog comment conversation with a fellow blogger who’s observations on life are pretty straight up and hilarious too. I asked what he knew about those weird rope-like neck things I’ve seen major league baseball players (and it’s now reached into little league circles, too) and the answer surprised me.

So I googled..and I found exactly what he said…

They are necklaces embedded with titanium. “More common in major league clubhouses than 24-karat gold chains are $23 nylon necklaces, produced in Japan and distributed to athletes looking for the latest edge. Representatives from Phiten, a company based in Japan that sells the necklaces, say the nylon is coated in a titanium solution that can help improve circulation and reduce muscle stress.” Many players feel the necklace gives them more energy and they heal faster from muscle injuries.

These are the specs:

Size: About 20” (50cm)
Front: Nylon 100%
Reverse: Cotton 65%, Polyester 35%
Middle layer: Silicone impregnated with Carbonized Titanium (IMPREGNATED!)

Very interesting article about this very debate… http://www.scienceline.org/2008/10/ask-fox-phiten-necklace/

*sigh* Have you seen them? It’s just my personal opinion, of course, but I think they look silly. Like grown men sporting a teen fad…remember the sharks tooth necklace, the macrame bracelet or choker that you never took off, not even in the shower? Do they really believe these things give them an edge? As the above article implies, there are arguments for both sides. Power of Suggestion and Placebo effect make more sense to me than believing these necklaces weild power.

As usual, Japan’s on to something.

Hey, I’ve got a bridge for sale………

Recipe for Sunday Sauce

You know I love to share recipes… however, this Sunday Sauce is the old world family recipe of great friend Matthew Olerio, handed down from generation to generation. We almost had to kidnap his wife’s beloved dog to get it out of him. So I cannot divulge this recipe, one that includes several secret weapons ( like 1 shallot minced instead of onions, garlic thin sliced and mashed, NO PASTE, NO OREGANO, NO SUGAR, a large can of Hunts Tomato Sauce as well as two cans of San Marzano! tomatoes crushed in a food processor, some parsley, some basil…might be a few shakes of garlic powder and pepper too). Sweet Italian sausage sauteed in olive oil and his killer beef/bread/egg/parsley/butter/pepper meatballs have something to do with it …..although last night I made RAO’s Frank and Anna Pellegrino meatball recipe because sometimes that’s how I roll.

I could tell you the rest… but then I’de have to kill you.

Fugedabowdit.

18 Things

1. I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing really stinks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.

3. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

4 Was learning cursive really necessary?

5. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on number 4. I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my own neighborhood.

6. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

7. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don’t want to have to restart my collection…again.
8. I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to. -such a sinking feeling…

9. “do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will never wash this…ever.

10. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring, Hello? Hello? but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voice mail. What did you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away?

11. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

12. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

13. I would rather try to carry 10 over-loaded plastic bags in each hand while cutting off circulation in major arteries than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
14. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

15. How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear or understand a word they said? (welcome to my WORLD)

16. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in to get past at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters! HOLD that Tiger!

17. There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far. -yep, this makes my blood run cold; been there, done that.

18. Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch three consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

Laughter is definitely the best medicine

Ok, not to make light of a sad situation, but since it’s me that had the sad situation… it’s OK to laugh now, isn’t it? Cause this is actually funny…and I give you permission.

Today I was at work and I got a text from my friend saying she was going to the vet (my vet) with her injured dog. SO…. I had a favor to ask…. read on in the link below.

http://catchjoyasitfliesby.blogspot.com/2010/08/it-never-ceases-to-amaze-me-how-one.html

This is me and one of my best buds, Joey. (the one in the above-linked post) Let me tell you a story about the photo below.

A long time ago in a far away land (ok, this same small town, but whatever) there were two women who’s paths never crossed. They never crossed because… she was the ex of the new boyfriend I had when I moved to this small town. And even though I had nothing to do with their break-up, I was still the next one. And, you know.. that’s kinda awkward. Especially awkward for me because I was the new kid in this one-horse town, and they had been a couple for many years. SO… I was alittle intimidated by her and made SURE we never crossed paths. It didn’t help that he never got over her.

Years went by and the guy and I inevitably broke up, a very good thing because it wasn’t a good thing. I met my husband and Joey met hers and we are still married to those men today.

Bear with me here…

From time to time I would see her… in the grocery store, in the hardware store… we had babies on our hips or groceries in our arms…and she’d glance my way but then turn away quickly. A SNUB! She hated me, Good God, she did. But didn’t she know I didn’t even KNOW her ex when they had their great fall? So I avoided her more.

      More years… more avoidance… and then… The CALL. I was editor of a local publication.. and she had a business she wanted to advertise. She called to place an ad.   GASP.   I called her back…..

     We got to talking,   because we had to,   you know….. and … I asked her if she knew who I was. She said she thought so, but didn’t know that she had ever SEEN me.   We thought we’de meet at the Town picnic coming up and so we did…. Sure enough, she had no idea who I was… and that really makes perfect sense.   The reason I knew HER… was because he still had pictures of her plastered here and there when I arrived.    And truth be told? She could have given two __________ because she was so happy to be free of that relationship.

        We are now great friends with so much in common. The above picture was taken in Newport.   There were three of us girls on that trip. We rented a room on Bannister’s Wharf so that we could spend a full two days there shopping and browsing and eating. Missy took one bed and Joey and I shared the other. As we turned in for the night thoroughly exhausted , we turned out the lights…..and I said… “If you had told me 15 years ago I’de be sharing a hotel bed with Joey, I’de sooner believe Brad Pitt.”

To highlight the irony further, in this picture I am wearing a pair of Joey’s jeans, because I didn’t bring long pants and it was cold down by the docks. They fit me perfectly.  I still have them, and I call them my Joey Jeans.        Who woulda thought.

Shark Week

It’s here again… and is it me or does Shark Week seem to be growing.. to like, a month long festival..just to torment me.

My fear was first ignited with the 1975 movie JAWS.. which was hideously irresistable to my friends and I in the midst of our glorious adolescense. (Sort of like The Exorcist, but we won’t even go there…) Back in the day, the book was considered risque due to the skinny dip scene and the resulting ravaged and naked torso of the unfortunate young woman who’s hand was found sticking up out of the sand in the opening scenes.

The three mechanical sharks used in the first Jaws movie were named Bruce

… after Steven Speilberg’s lawyer. It never occurred to me while I watched that movie again and again…that the shark was fake.

My family and I vacation on Martha’s Vineyard when we can get there, and every time we visit, we stop at the Shark bridge and watch the young people jump off into the cool blue waters. I’m a swimmer. I’de like to do this myself!… but.. I.. just..can’t. It’s where the film was shot, you know. Bruce might still come for revenge..they didn’t kill him in one, two or three…and I didn’t have the guts to see four.

Some things you may not know about Sharks:

* They’ve been around for about 400 million years – long before dinosaurs even existed.”
I can appreciate their resilience, really!.. but I think I’d rather live with dinosaurs. At least we know how to wipe them out. Just sayin.

“Sharks have the most powerful jaws on the planet.”
Wonderful.

“Sharks never run out of teeth – when one is lost another spins forward from the rows of backup teeth.”
I think Newt Gingrich has the same affliction.

“A shark may use over 20,000 teeth during its life.”
On unsuspecting surfers, divers, small boat operators, swimmers and those poor harbor seals, I’m sure.

Now, what got me going on this tangent, you might ask?

THIS VIDEO.. of a crazy surfer dude who decided to go back out after he had already escaped the damn things… and film them. Alone. If I were there at that moment, I’de die of an instant panic attack, an easy lunch for Bruce.

Check out this great MSN Video: Surfer Encounters Sharks

THIS JUST IN: Mark of Marks Rants and Raves gave me this little bit of pertinent information:

“Falling coconuts kill 150 people worldwide each year, 15 times the number of fatalities attributable to sharks,” said George Burgess, Director of the University of Florida’s International Shark Attack File and a noted shark researcher. “The reality is that, on the list of potential dangers encountered in aquatic recreation, sharks are right at the bottom of the list. ”

So..while you THINK you’re safe under the palm trees in your comfy beach chair, far from the terrors of the Great White Grip… there just might be a killer coconut dangling overhead….

I’ll take my chances with the nut, thank you.

Don’t Bed On It

See, this is where our differences kinda make for a humorous situation. *sigh* We need a new mattress. Our old one, a king, has hills and valleys probably where we do…. and it’s time.

This is my husband’s idea of comfort.

And this is mine…

So we went mattress shopping today. I got there before him, so I explained our issues to the saleswoman and she gave me a tour of the five mattresses she thought we could make work. One mattress was too soft, one of those temperpedic things… and I swear I was getting seasick laying in it. Something about that slow molding memory action makes me feel like I’ve got a hangover. Then there was the ~~sheet of plywood~~ very firm mattress, which made my shoulders and neck hurt instantly when I rolled on my side, which is how I sleep. I knew that would be the one for Mike. There was a mattress that felt heavenly, but it cost just about $5,000… and that’s plain ridiculous. There was a middle of the road, however, and I hoped I’de be able to talk him into it. It actually has some of that memory foam on the top of it, but not enough to suck you in.

Mike arrived and of course liked the plywood rendition, kept going back to it infact, but the middle of the road version appealed to him too… and so that’s what we bought.

Hmmm… we arrived at a compromise quickly and with ease. Could this be the beginning of a new era?

Don’t bed on it 🙂

Aunt Karen

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment:

” Please ask your parent to tell you a story with a moral ending”.

The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories.

There were all the regular types of stuff, spilled milk and pennies saved.

William was the last boy to tell his story.

“William, do you have a story to share?’

‘Yes ma’am. My daddy told a story about my Aunt Karen.
She was a pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife.

She drank the whiskey on the way down cause she knew the bottle was gonna break, and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 enemy troops.
She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets,killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke and then she killed the last of them with her bare hands.’

‘Good Heavens,’ said the horrified teacher. ‘What did your daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?’

William gave her a look like it oughta be obvious, and said..

‘Stay the hell away from Aunt Karen when she’s been drinking!’