Rain and Relationships with a Garden Tour for good measure

 Come take a walk with me as I mull over family issues and do morning chores here at the farm… I’ll show you how my garden grows, or doesn’t… too.

First stop is the hen house and rabbit hutch.

Harley (black bunny) had an episode of colic recently and because he looked like he was about to die in ten minutes, off to the vet we went.  Did you know that too much of a commercial rabbit pellet diet is not good for them?  I sure didn’t.  Collard greens, celery, carrots sparingly, parsley, berries, and lots of Timothy Hay are what they should be eating. The pellets you see in pet stores are not meant to be their main diet.  I’ve always given my bunnies lots of greens and such, but they always had a big bowl of the pellets as well.  Hence, the colic.  Harley is better now, and loves his collard greens.

The girls want OUT into the lush grass, but it’s only allowed when I’m out there paying attention to hawk whereabouts. Not happening on a rainy day like today.   Their egg laying has been prolific latelely, have I mentioned how much I adore chickens? 

 Next stop is the barn, where horses have already been banging buckets because they’ve heard me down at the coop.

 They don’t like being in, would prefer to be standing out in the rain, truth be told.. but when it’s still this chilly I keep them in until the rain clears.  Admittedly, it’s more for me than them. Kinda like their blankets in winter.

The ancient pear tree that is half-hollow is full of blossoms again this year.  I loath the day it keels over, but for now it still appears very happy up there on the hill.  Thank you powers that be.

After barn chores now that spring has arrived, I head over to the garden to do whatever needs tending. The Arugula is coming up, but not much else.  I’m concerned all the rain and cold air temps have thwarted the seed efforts.  Time will tell.

 Same thing happening in our little greenhouse… slow growing.

 I planted six purple sweet potato plants… we’ll see how that goes, first attempt at potatoes.  Any advice?

 The ancient stand of lilacs are thriving.. Mike limed them last year and it helped.

 Will anyone move in to this $7. bird house? 
So far, nuthin. 

My grandfather was a gardener.. and oh, what a spring tulip
garden he had across his front lawn. 
I remember each spring he would take his scissors 
outside with me and careful cut a bouquet for me 
to bring to my teacher the next day. 
When I look at my garden beds this time of year,
I am reminded of him and his love for his gardens..
and the birds, even the squirrels, who he fed peanuts 
out of his hand while sitting on the back porch. 

 So, the rain in this post is obvious, but not the reference to relationships.

 Rain IN relationships is inevitable, we’ve all figured that out by now, haven’t we.   I have always been a worrier and as a mother that is tenfold in my being.  I don’t like it, as the old saying goes… worry is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but doesn’t get you anywhere.  But it’s not something you can just set down like a heavy purse.. if you’re a worrier.  No, it’s more like an extra skin that you can’t shed.  
 
   Being a mom, and particularly  that mom... when my kids are hurting, I hurt.  I always believed the teen years would be the most difficult, and they did have their challenges.  I niavely  assumed as they got older the worry would subside, the protective instincts.  But ooh, nooo… the circumstances just change, not the concern.  As they grow into adults they have their own relationships and they need to learn as they grow, just like we did, how to make them work, what doesn’t work… who is worth the effort, who isn’t.  It’s painful to watch them struggle when things aren’t going well, but as my wise mother said, no one gets through life without struggle and pain and loss.  It’s part of living.  The hard part is leaving them be, letting them sort it all out without interferring, because you want to FIX IT for them.  Raising children to be good, strong adults means letting them do for themselves, not just being there to FIX.   As it should be… but Lord, it ain’t easy.

American Museum of Natural History

  Last weekend mom and I and a few of the kids took a trip into NYC and the AMNH.  As is usual on a sunny spring Sunday, the city was jammed.  We drove in, because parking is pretty easy at the museum and also at the Marriott Marquis, and I like the idea of being in control – ha.  The passengers in my vehicle may have had a different experience.  I am a people watcher through and through – and there were thousands of interesting people to… watch.  Driving and watching, unless we’re talking street signs and signals… don’t mix when every two seconds you need to make a decision.

Anyway!  We’re still here to talk about it.   What a feeling it is… to look at the same exhibits I first viewed 40 years ago –  (did I just say that?)  And of course there were new exhibits, as the museum rotates special ones out periodically. 
 As you enter the museum at it’s main entrance, a statue of  Theodore Roosevelt on horseback greets you.  Standing on either side of him are an American Indian and an African American, meant to symbolize the continents of Africa and America.  

 The buildings and the architecture in this part of the city… with Central park at it’s core.. is just beautiful.  
The Dakota, a residence just down the road, also flanking Central park.. is just one example.. quite a history if you’re not familiar with it… also the place John Lennon lived and was shot in front of.  If I had to live in the city, which I love but would never want to inhabit… this is where I’d like to be, although my finances beg to differ. 
     Inside the museum… We walked through the butterfly exhibit, which houses thousands of different species of butterfly…
And viewed the same stuffed animals I saw as a child myself… staring through their glassy eyes at the millions of visitors who pass before them for many years now.  Funny thing… my son had a look on his face and shook his head slightly… I knew exactly what he was thinking, cut from the same cloth, you see.   ” Dead animals”.   “They were killed just to be stuffed and mounted here for decades.  Whole Families!”… said he.    Sad fact… the Black Rhino is among them… now.. extinct. 
Museum Selfies…
The Dinosaurs are truly amazing and the museum has quite a collection, I’m guessing the largest available. 
 A new exhibit is the Titanosaurus…via the museum website…  ” In January 2016, the Museum added another must-see exhibit to its world-famous fossil halls: a cast of a 122-foot-long dinosaur. This species is so new that it has not yet been formally named by the paleontologists who discovered it.  Paleontologists suggest this dinosaur, a giant herbivore that belongs to a group known as titanosaurs, weighed in at around 70 tons. The species lived in the forests of today’s Patagonia about 100 to 95 million years ago, during the Late Cretaceous period, and is one of the largest dinosaurs ever discovered. 
The remains were excavated in the Patagonian desert region of Argentina by a team from the Museo Paleontologico Egidio Feruglio led by José Luis Carballido and Diego Pol, who received his Ph.D. degree in a joint program between Columbia University and the American Museum of Natural History. One of the 8-foot femurs, or thigh bones, found at the site is among five original fossils on temporary view with The Titanosaur.
  To stand next to this baby is hard to describe…  see the size of the folks in the picture?  Godzilla comes to mind. 
The Hayden Planetarium is a sight to behold –  no pictures allowed while viewing.. on the right is a self sustaining living sphere, whos eco system works in harmony so that no outside influence is needed. 
 Outside in the park, people, dogs, horses, cyclists, joggers, enjoyed the good weather with spring in the air.  We illegally fed pigeons pieces of pretzel while two of my people strolled in the park – they  are in the V of the tree, do you see them? 
 After our museum visit  we drove to the Marriott Marquis in Times Square and mom treated us all to a delicious dinner at the revolving restaurant at the top – The View.    The elevators go up 45 floors…traveling very fast, it was a scene out of Star Trek, I’m telling ya. 
 It takes  about an hour for the room to revolve completely, so the view changes as you dine. 
  A good day was had by all.  

In the Toilet

   Target is getting huge flack for allowing Transgender people to use the bathroom they feel comfortable using.    This is what I wrote on their FB page –  


Congratulations for being a company with a conscience. I don’t know what it’s like to be born with a mixed gender identity, nor do I know what it’s like to be born with black or red or lily white skin , blue eyes, mental illness or a physical handicap or gay. What I know is none of these things is a choice, we are who we are. Treating those who are not made exactly like we are with hateful behavior is ugly, prejudice, small minded. I think a separate bathroom for ignorance might be a good idea though. Target, I like you even more now. Thank you for standing up tall and treating all with the same respect. As for worrying about your kids and grandkids in public bathrooms- you shouldn’t send your kids into a public bathroom alone – creeps come in all shapes and sizes. Just read some of the comments on this thread.  – and there were many nasty comments on that thread. 


  I’m sure some of you disagree with me.  I ask you this – and these are questions that would have to be answered if you continue to go down this thought path  logically. Who is going to monitor the “gender” of people as they enter bathrooms?  Who’s going to verify the integrity of the monitor and who’s responsible for paying them? I guess they need to be EVERYWHERE, right?    There are thousands of documented cases of priests, teachers, coaches… who are PREDATORS.   Hell, some of them chose their profession because of it’s access to vulnerable victims, often children. Where are the stats on Trans?…  is it such a non-issue that there aren’t any?   Therefore…bare with me and  keep going down this path of thought… should there be separate bathrooms for adults and children?  Should there be separate bathrooms for priests, teachers, coaches?….. Sounds ridiculous, right?…. kinda not do-able at all.  So where are you drawing the line?  Transgender people were born feeling they were something different than what their parts told them.  That alone doesn’t make them dangerous.    One thing is clear – Their life ain’t easy if they choose to be what they feel is  their genuine self – because of how  some people perceive them – as freaks.   They may be different than you and I, but that doesn’t make them predators.. or freaks.  It makes them different than you and I.  


Bottom line in the public restroom procession is…….you’ve been peeing next to trans all your life,  maybe you just didn’t know it.  It’s not a new phenomenon.  It’s becoming more prominent because they are tired of hiding in the shadows.   I can’t understand what it is to be them, and neither can you. We can only try understanding,  show compassion, humanity.  Every being deserves that. 






Come. Sit. Stay.

  The porch is officially open here at This Old House…. let me not ever live in a house where there is no porch.  I grew up in an old farmhouse smack in the middle of a Staten Island, New York neighborhood where houses were stacked close together.  Our house was the original, built in the 1800s, before the area became a ‘hood.   On the front of that old house was a porch, where many a rain stormy day was spent watching the drops fall around us,  perhaps catch the neighbors arguing or playing cards or reading on their own front porch, and it offered shade for sipping lemonade or iced tea on hot summer days.

   When we re-built This Old House – we knew what we had to add – a porch. There’s one on the front, facing the road – which we rarely use. The rear porch looks out over our gardens and the hay fields and horses up on the hill. It’s screened in summer to keep out the bugs and glassed in winter to retain some heat. On a cold winter day where the sun shines bright, it warms up enough so that  we can still sit out there with a cup of coffee comfortably and enjoy the view, maybe even read a bit of the book currently occupying the nightstand.

(that’s a jeans rug crafted by Hilary of Crazy as a Loom – so durable, just love it) 

   Today after getting the various “stuff” done that needed doing…. I looked at the beckoning porch and said.. why ever not.  I grabbed my new read – Susan Branch’s Isle of Dreams.. and sat in the reading chair, a light breeze flowing through. I highly recommend giving yourself time in your busy day, time to just relax and let go of whatever might have your knickers in a knot.

   If you’re not familiar with Susan Branch, she is an author and illustrator who resides on my favorite Island, Martha’s Vineyard.  I love her water color illustrations, as well as her writing style.. and oooh, her recipes are divine.  Her real life fairy tale story is one of courage in the face of heartbreak, and resilience.  My current read – Isle of Dreams, is hand written and illustrated by her- an amazing feat, and feast for the eyes and soul.

Below is just a sample of the writing and illustrations in her books… there are three. 

Quotes like this one are sprinkled throughout the books.. you feel the warmth she envelopes around you with her style, her illustrations.. her humor and grace. Kind of like the comfort of sitting on your porch with a cup’a…  watching the world go by… 

And the sun will rise…

  No matter what happens in life (and death) the sun always rises. Life goes on. Sometimes in the greatest losses, that concept seems surreal.

   Mom and I flew down to Melbourne, Florida last week to be with family as we said good bye to our Uncle, Father, Husband, Grandfather,  Father-in-law, Friend.   While the occasion was a sad one, I couldn’t help but note that my Uncle also loved getting together with family and friends. He was always a big presence at gatherings, and more than a few of us felt he was among us  in spirit as we gathered from all over the country  on the beach and at his service and his home afterward.

    I’m not religious, as I’ve stated here before.. but I do believe there is more to the human spirit than we fully understand… our bodies are a series of nuts and bolts that work together miraculously, but it’s our essence.. what makes us individuals, with feelings, emotion,  empathy, etc… that cannot be explained by mechanical means.  That energy in some form, I believe, remains.

 We had a few days to soak up some Florida sun… the weather was perfect  and we enjoyed  the glorious sunrises and sunsets, as well as time spent with family.

 Have you ever tried Frickles?  ( basically beer battered fried pickles)   Lord, let there be no Heaven where there are no dogs, horses and frickles.   –   Just sayin. 

Shove It

     We are all complaining about the candidates but one of the worst evils of our time is the power we have permitted the media. It’s not enough that we support them by viewing their spin- and on every single network they have their own spin- but so many follow their lead like sheep.
      As for the reporter who pressed charges for being pulled back from harassing Trump, grow a skin. I saw the video like so many others- big f*cking deal- I’ve gotten jostled more on the Staten Island ferry. I don’t like the man himself- and now even less with his asshole remarks about women needing to be punished should they choose an abortion. Later amended to Doctors should be the incriminated for providing them. But incidents like this reporters complaint are making us all look just as bad as the crap coming out of candidates mouths.    When did we become such a wuss nation?
      One more thing for those of you who are cogs in the wheel in either party , still scratching your heads – Trump has such a big following because the parties have been screwing up and forgetting who they are representing for so long now, the people are fed up. You brought Trump to the table with your own ignorance and arrogance., the responsibility lies EVERYWHERE.  


Just sayin- 

Gains and Losses

  A belated Happy Easter to you !

      We got together with some of our extended family  and enjoyed  a conversation filled  -catching up –  meal together.   While I am not religious, Easter represents renewal for me. We’re spending more time outdoors.. there are buds on the trees, birds hunting for good nest sites…and, I get to spoil my kids with baskets full of chocolate, a few spring clothes items and some silly fun things too.  They’re grown now, but the tradition will continue because I can’t bear to give it up, truth.

   I picked my  father up from the nursing home and he was glad to join us.   I imagine one of the hardest realities for him has been giving up his car – his independence.  I had to sign him out  and it felt weird .  He was taken back by that simple act too.  However… it is very obvious from his conversations with us and his growing relationships with the staff that he feels safe where he lives now, he is content.  Huge gift for both of us.   When I brought him back and he returned to his room, he sat down in his big easy chair, exhausted…and at peace.  I don’t know how else to describe it.  Who would think life in a nursing home would bring comfort… and yet, for some it really does.   In this environment he has gained the stability, routine and even companionship that he was never able to establish for himself in his earlier life due to his choices. Now, with no choices, he has what he wouldn’t give himself before… and he is doing well. In his new life path, which he did not choose, it seems he has gained more than he lost.  Ironic.

   Our family lost a patriarch last week –
      I grew up on Staten Island, and at 19 moved to Connecticut to live on my Aunt and Uncle’s horse farm just up the road from This Old House.  I brought my adopted ancient horse with me, and lived with them for four years, helping care for their horses while attending college and finding my way to the life  I’ve made here with  my husband and children.  The opportunity they gave me will never be forgotten.
     D had conquered cancer about nine years ago, but the  harsh treatment rendered him weaker and encouraged Parkinsons to bloom in his system.  D was a very vibrant, very active athlete until that time.. and from there, although his spirit never once gave in, his body eventually gave out.  My aunt and uncle have been a team since they were both very young – they’ve been through many changes in life together, some hardships, many joyful times. Both have lived their lives fully, and together.   Their children and grandchildren gather around my Aunt now, and together they will move forward.  My heart goes out to her. I have no doubt she will be OK and I know she won’t be alone. There is no way to avoid  navigation through the new reality of life without my uncle, but she’s made of the stuff that will see her through and there is still a life to live. My uncle would want that for her.

 Peace be with us all in this season of renewal.

51

  Today I am fifty one years old.  I can honestly tell you that number doesn’t bother me.. I feel blessed.  Life is so short, it is so fleeting.. we are just a speck on the earth and our time here is so limited and unknown. To fret over a number seems like a big waste of precious time.

   My daughter gifted me with this today…. isn’t it just the truth… * love it

 
  Max gifted us with coming up lame this week… I turned him out two days ago and this is the look I got…

   Upon further inspection and some movement on his part, he is absolutely lame. So we sent a video of his movement to the vet, who thinks it’s an abscess in the hoof because there’s no heat or swelling to point to a leg injury.  Soaking ensued…

 and some wrap/poultice. The shoer comes out today to pull the shoe and dig around to find what we hope is a simple abscess.  This is the horse who had the colic surgery six months ago.. the big guy has had a rough year.

  Blog and Birthday Buddy Sally sent me this lovely gift… we share the same birthday and have shared each other’s woes over the years, a virtual shoulder to lean on through the internet waves. Amazing, some of the friendships we develop, sometimes without ever meeting face to face.  I hope to meet Sally, though… perhaps when the big guy and I start scouting out Florida in the next year.   (So he says)    Sally also happens to have moved in recent years to a street with the same name as my beloved grandmother. Mike and I named a road after her too, thankfully before she passed so she could see it.  I’ll never forget it… Her 84 year old self  giggled when she saw the sign.  Made my day, my week, my whole month!

  Anyway.. back to Sally’s gift…

Thank you so much, Sally,  – and Happy Birthday to YOU!!

 I’ve been sprinkling SPRING around the house for the past few weeks.. so ready for it.

 SNOW to arrive on Sunday, I’m hoping it’s just a dusting.   
Have a good weekend, all – and as always, thanks for stopping by. 

Another Dog Day With the Big Bunny

   I love talking to dog people. I mean real dog people.. the kind who know their dog is one of their family members, sometimes one of their most cherished.  Usually, genuine dog people are also good citizens, caring individuals in more ways than dog ownership.

   Yesterday, we held a photo shoot at a PetValu a few towns over. For a $5. donation to our organization, with all proceeds to benefit shelter dogs,  you got a photo of your dog or kids or both with the Easter Bunny.  We have some return customers, I love to see them… and several are rescue dogs that were adopted out by our rescues in previous years.  How wonderful to see the dogs and their families thriving.  The dogs are so much more confident and happy now that they have lived in a loving home. We witness them when they come to our events, scared and bewildered.  To see them rehabilitated by the reassurance of love… is heartwarming.

 We’re holding another fundraiser – SPAY IT FORWARD CT –   We are helping Connecticut shelters with spay and neuter costs so that they can afford to spay/neuter the dogs in their shelters. This gives the dogs an advantage to help them get adopted… and it reduces the unwanted litters born out of irresponsibility by owners. Local Veterinarians have also joined our cause, donating discounted or waived  fees to the spay and neuter program.   If you’d care to donate, click on the link above.  Every donation, no matter how small it may be, helps those dogs find a better life.

Finding Our Way

  My father has been living at a senior care/rehabilitation center for five months now.  It’s not the ending to his story that he would have chosen, but due to the choices he has made over the course of his life, he landed where he was steering his ship.
      I give him credit in accepting this new life he didn’t want with a certain level of resolve, although for a while there was a resentment toward me for having been the one who actually executed all the transactions it takes to get him to that place.  He  recently likened me to a hurricane coming in and wiping out all that he possessed.  I understand that sentiment. He had been in poor health for many years due to his own neglect.. and finally that last heart attack rendered him too weak to live alone.   In just a few weeks time with the consult of many a health care provider,  it was determined without someone to live with him, he shouldn’t be alone any longer.      
      Now.. at first, when he told me his “hurricane”  feelings, the proverbial hair immediately went up on the back of my neck, a pattern we have followed our entire relationship.  I took a deep breath, ready to defend myself once again…. and it came to me in that instant that he had every right to feel that way, it was his truth.  So in five seconds I changed the  direction of the wind in my sail and gently explained that it was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do in my life, to dismantle HIS life and rearrange it in a way I knew he would not choose.  I would never have chosen that job myself, but I was the only one available to do it.  He said he understood, and knows he is where he needs to be.   The short conversation was miraculous given our normal “routine”.  A storm headed off at the pass, a blessing.
      I visit him weekly, sometimes more often, bringing him groceries for the little refrigerator we bought for his room…and his beloved Subway Sandwich as well.  I  continue to brace myself every time I  walk in… my “be kind” mantra repeated over and over until I reach his room.    He is still who he is… and I am still me.  He will tell me what I should have brought or how the sandwich should have been made, and I will either get annoyed, or laugh it off.   I will never get the love or acknowledgements that I have looked for from him my entire life, and he will never recognize all that has been done for him by more than a few people,  regardless of his self centered nature  for all those years. He was damn lucky, and still is.   The intelligent part of me says “It doesn’t matter, now, Karen. Let it all go. He’s just an old man who needs someone to give a shit. Period “.   The little girl in  me still wants to know “WHY”… but there is no reason, he sees no fault or lack or shortcoming, and never will.  So yes, Karen .. Let it Go.
     Yesterday I stopped in to deliver his soda and chips and Boost.  When I arrived, as usual, he wanted to talk.   He got all serious for a few minutes and said “You know, I have a lot of time to think here.   And what I am realizing is… I’ve had a good life.  I’ve done a good job in all areas, really… I got to live on a boat for ten years, a dream of mine. I did a good job of raising a family….. (hair up instantaneously, but then I took a deep breath, changed the wind in that sail again, and said to myself..  it doesn’t matter now, let it go.) ..  and I have always done a good job wherever I worked.”     I’ll give him that, he was dedicated to whatever job he held.  He continued ” As I sit here I realize it’s important to feel good about what you accomplished in life, because the memories are what you have left.  I can honestly say I feel very good about the person I am.”     I smiled and simply replied… I’m glad you have that peace of mind, Dad.   And you know?  I meant it.   
     As I sat there listening to him, I realized his absolute inability…  or is it  unwillingness…. to see himself for who he had truly been.  Case in point… does it ever occur to him that he has two daughters, but only one is willing to visit him and do what needs to be done in his last years?  That missing daughter is a genuine, decent person. He’s  missed out big time in the relationship department.. but he doesn’t feel it, doesn’t see it… doesn’t even ask.  Narcissism is one of the worst forms of mental illness. Why do I say that?  A narcissistic person, I believe, is so engrossed in his own being, his own needs,  happiness, his own agendas, that he or she never really sees their impact or lack thereof on the people around them in life, including their own families. They don’t appreciate good relationships, recognize or nurture them.   Judging by the conclusions my father is drawing as he sits in an elder care facility, pondering his life choices, there is no question of forgiving himself or regrets or wanting to right a few wrongs or even appreciating all that is STILL being done for him.  No… he’s content and happy with the choices he made and the fact that he has a staff tending to his every need is actually a bonus.    That  picture he has painted for himself is another gift he has given himself…and.. to some extent I am glad for him.
     The little girl wanted to ask him how he could ignore the obvious, but the woman I am becoming.. yes still becoming at the age of 51… is finally able to change the direction of the wind in her sails.  Most of the time.   A gift I have given to me.